FENG SHUI CONSULTANT BRINGS HER EXPERTISE TO AUSTIN SCHOOL

The Austin American-Statesman ^ | 31 December 2006 | Raven L. Hill

[Vaquero]

You're not Chinese!?!?

DONNA

[pause] No.

ESTELLE

I thought you were Chinese!!

DONNA

I'm from Long Island.

ESTELLE

Long Island?!?!

I thought I was gettin' advice from a Chinese woman!!

DONNA

I'm sorry..?

ESTELLE

Well! Then, that changes everything!

GEORGE

What?!

ESTELLE

She's not Chinese; I was duped!!

GEORGE

So what?! She gave you advice; what's the difference if she's not Chinese?!?!

ESTELLE

I'm not taking advice from some girl from Long Island!!

[BeAllYouCanBe]

I have received over 10 interested Freep-Mails and almost all ask the same question:

Can you get a free Feng Shui consultation when you sign up for the Life Coaching program?

YES, YES, yes for the first 40 to sign up --limited time only.

[BeAllYouCanBe]

Oh, my golly, more questions:

Can BeAllYouCanBe answer some Life questions here to demonstrate the value of the Life Coaching program?

Yes, but be brief and have your credit card ready so you won't lose your place for actual paid help.

[Frank_2001]

Well, I guess next week they'll bring in an Evangelical pastor, right? Oh wait, there's an imam already scheduled/s It would be nice if they could get their knuckleheads ( I mean students;) to excel in MATH and SCIENCE, like the Chinese seem to do so well, instead of "feng shui", but that won't happen either.....

[BeAllYouCanBe]

OK, this is it, the last bit of free advice.

To client 138H338-1:

Take your bowling ball out of the back closet and place it next to your bed to free up energy flowing in from the glowing sunset in the west.

[lysie]

I wonder how miss goody two shoes... Stacy Davenport, a feng shui consultant..would deal with 3 dogs and 4 cats...or several children/grandchildren.

I'm proud to say..our house is feng shui-less.

Most of the times, I'm proud that my house is a mess and out of sorts. It means it's lived/loved in...not idolized or shrined.

[CATravelAgent]

Penn & Teller BS is a great series. I try to make my teenagers watch it. It's a great counter-agent to the liberal BS and helps to make them less gulible. Highly recommended, the episode on PETA was especially good.

[lysie]

Take your bowling ball out of the back closet and place it next to your bed to free up energy flowing in from the glowing sunset in the west

What? Only 1 bowling ball..several that have not been used in years should be included, eh?

[Diana in Wisconsin]

When my life is out of whack, instead of using Feng Shui, I just play a country music song backwards...and I get my dog back, my truck back, my gun back, my husband back, my house back... *SMIRK*

[lysie]

Yeah, but what happens to your beer?

[Diana in Wisconsin]

I never give up my beer in the first place, LOL!

[vetvetdoug]

Do you dig up Paul too?

[Diana in Wisconsin]

LOL!

[BeAllYouCanBe]

"several that have not been used in years"

This is very bad. Much bad energy being given off from the yin and yang of the many bowling balls.

To fix this send me your checking account number and the bank routing number. (If you don't know these numbers send me a photo copy of your check and I tell you.) Also, if you have valuables in a safe-deposit-box send me the key so I can check out the feng shui of the box. Good feng shui in storing your treasures will cause an increase in good fortune.

[lysie]

No way. Next summer I'm going to do this, gazing ball, with them LOL..

[BeAllYouCanBe]

Ah, so this velly good feng shui. This will help in positive energy flow as long as you still send bank account numbers to me for analysis.

No numbers then you have bowling ball curse!! This no joke -- I apply curse soon if no money comes in.

[lysie]

LOL

No numbers then you have bowling ball curse!!

Crud! Does that mean I'll superglue or contact cement my fingers together?

bowling ball curse

Otherwise known as BBC. No wonder they can't report the news correctly! They have the curse. HA!

[BeAllYouCanBe]

cement my fingers together?

Yu velly smart for western person. Negative energy cannot fix bad yan from dangerous chemicals in house.

Arrange all chairs to point north and point super glue to west when decorating bowling ball -- this will work only if you send me money for yang.

[lysie]

I give up. You win...here.. Don't spend it all in one place.

I like your humor, BAYCB.

[BeAllYouCanBe]

"Don't spend it all in one place"

I no get money!!

Here is bowling ball curse:

May all of your Democrat relatives who you don't know about who live in Arkansas on welfare, find out about you and move-in for good!

This is for real -- you cannot get out of it.