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Extolling The Female Tongue
GOPUSA ^ | December 18, 2006 | Selwyn Duke

Posted on 12/18/2006 11:41:16 AM PST by Tolerance Sucks Rocks

A long time ago I read a short online piece about how women could get their men to put the toilet seat down. Inherent in it was the idea that this was an example of men's lack of consideration and that the task at hand was one of disciplining these bad boys. I don't know, my attitude is that if women can leave a toilet seat down, men can leave it up.

Of course, this is just a silly, pebble-in-the-shoe issue, but I see it as a metaphor for a modern phenomenon: The casting of women's characteristic behaviors as the norm and men's as dysfunctional deviations.

This is strikingly obvious with the topic of communication. Man has long known that women were the more loquacious sex, and you've probably heard of studies to this effect. A recent book states that women have about 20,000 "communication events" (I love these terms the psycho-babblers conjure up) a day, versus about 7,000 for men. But this is nothing new; who didn't know a bevy of garrulous girls in school?

What is new is the assumption that this imputes superiority to women. "Communication" has become one of the buzzwords of modern psychology. And, whenever relationships are at issue -- be it in a book, article, talk or interview -- almost invariably an "expert" will inform us of two things. One is that women communicate more than men. The other is that an onus belongs on men as this "handicap" of theirs is an impediment to good relations. Why, men need to learn to communicate more and share their feelings, we're told.

Did anyone ever think that maybe women communicate too darn much?

Don't get me wrong, rhetorical license aside, I understand the importance of communication. What bothers me, though, is the knee-jerk assumption here that more is better, a conclusion that most of the same researchers take great pains to forestall when the issue is, oh, let's say, the greater size of the male brain. But this is a principle of sex differences research: When men have more, more is less. When women have less, less is more.

And that's it, more or less.

What seems to escape most is that this modern exaltation of the lip lies in stark contrast to what wisdom has taught since time immemorial. And the truth she imparts is obvious, which is why sayings encapsulating it abound: "Still waters run deep," "Empty kettles make the most noise," "Shallow brooks are noisy" and "There are two kinds of people who don't say much, those who are quiet and those who talk a lot."

It's why movies have always portrayed the strong, silent type who exhibits quiet fortitude as the most heroic of men. It's why good writers value verbosity no more than good surgeons do bloodletting. Delicate operations warrant use of a fine scalpel, something small and sharp that punctures precisely -- and cuts when necessary -- not an implement bigger and blunter. And this is true whether you wish to get at the heart of a man or the heart of a matter: a precise surgical approach is usually preferable. Big, blunt things are better suited to bludgeoning.

To be quite blunt myself, yes, I subscribe to the traditional idea that women are chatterboxes and it's not their best trait. Don't get me wrong, we men have our faults as well. For instance, I absolutely cannot stand my brothers' habit of channel-surfing, which I guess could be characterized as Chatting Finger Syndrome. But here's the difference. Whether it's this masculine foible or another, no one does intellectual contortions to cast it as a positive attribute. At best it's seen as cute quirkiness, at worst as a defect of manliness.

Now, just imagine how it might be if incessant channel-surfing were a characteristic female behavior. It would only be a matter of time before some sickologists conducted a study and portrayed it as yet another example of feminine superiority. It would go something like this:

Channel-surfing is akin to speed-reading, not a function of a fault but indicative of a unique ability. Because women have more neural connections between the two hemispheres of the brain, they can process information faster, allowing them to absorb the substance and assess the value of a given program in mere seconds. Thus, while a man may perceive just a brief snapshot of seemingly unintelligible imagery and sound, his wife has already assimilated the program's relevant information or ascertained it to be devoid of such. "She is anxious to read the next page while he is still on the first paragraph of the last," said Dr. Delilah Emasculata of the Sex Differences Research and Proof That Women Are Better in Every Way So Just Shut-up and Take It Institute.

The truth is that both men and women should understand their sex's characteristic frailties and, just as with any negative proclivity, seek to tame them. Hey, I always ask directions and I'm great at matching colors.

As for communication, I have some of the best advice you gals will ever hear. If you have something important to say, don't embed it in an interminable stream-of-consciousness monologue between words 1129 and 1145 and expect the man in your life to absorb it. It's not that he doesn't care. He has his sanity to think about, you know.

My mother used to teach us that "Speech is silver, silence is golden." I wouldn't expect anyone to learn much while channel-surfing in fully automatic mode. Tongue-surfing isn't much better.

Loquacity doesn't denote sagacity.

Oh, and the toilet seat? I just don't want to talk about it.

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Contact Selwyn Duke

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Note -- The opinions expressed in this column are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the opinions, views, and/or philosophy of GOPUSA.


TOPICS: Culture/Society; Editorial; Front Page News; Philosophy
KEYWORDS: liberalism; men; sexdifferences; talking; women
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To: the OlLine Rebel

that might be a good idea, thanx


101 posted on 12/18/2006 12:26:07 PM PST by camle (keep your mind open and somebody will fill it full of something for you)
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To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks

"cut your husbands off for six months"


Um. Hmmmm.

Just what exactly did that mean?


(LOL)


102 posted on 12/18/2006 12:26:27 PM PST by the OlLine Rebel (Common sense is an uncommon virtue.)
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To: DManA
Why assume that the extra talking is actually communicating information? I think its mostly social noise whose function is to reassure them that the communications channels are still open.

No, it's quite the opposite.

That "social noise" is nothing more than fillibustering that ensures I'll tune out, give up, and move on without being able to get a word in edgewise.

103 posted on 12/18/2006 12:27:01 PM PST by AngryJawa ({NRA}{IDPA} Proud Infidel Since 1968)
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To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks

soemtimes its' better to pee in the corner - safer too - less chance of something jumping out and biting!


104 posted on 12/18/2006 12:27:03 PM PST by camle (keep your mind open and somebody will fill it full of something for you)
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To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks

This article is not what I thought it would be about. :)

That said, it's unfortunate the first image the author uses, after the words "female tongue," is a used toilet seat. Ick.


105 posted on 12/18/2006 12:27:13 PM PST by proud American in Canada (Thy Will Be Done.)
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To: proud American in Canada

ROFL!


106 posted on 12/18/2006 12:28:19 PM PST by the OlLine Rebel (Common sense is an uncommon virtue.)
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To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks
A long time ago I read a short online piece about how women could get their men to put the toilet seat down. Inherent in it was the idea that this was an example of men's lack of consideration and that the task at hand was one of disciplining these bad boys. I don't know, my attitude is that if women can leave a toilet seat down, men can leave it up.

This is so obvious that it's probably been posted in dozens of replies in this post: when I want the seat up, I kick it up. When you want it down, put it down. Simple. Now stop bugging me about this and let me watch the game in peace.
107 posted on 12/18/2006 12:28:24 PM PST by AnotherUnixGeek
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To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks

I'll extoll it ... absolutely ...


108 posted on 12/18/2006 12:30:13 PM PST by Republican Party Reptile
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To: AnotherUnixGeek

my response is "well? next time look where you're planting yerself!"


109 posted on 12/18/2006 12:30:23 PM PST by camle (keep your mind open and somebody will fill it full of something for you)
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To: RockinRight; Fierce Allegiance

It's what I heard.


110 posted on 12/18/2006 12:30:24 PM PST by conferencecaller
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To: the OlLine Rebel; camle
How about ol'Helen?

LOL! I did not see your post OILine Rebel, you were the first person of TWO that suggested the same thing!

I think if Mr. LL saw helen or hitlary at the bottom of the commode, he might end up with a "little" problem. LOL!

111 posted on 12/18/2006 12:31:45 PM PST by Last Laugh
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To: sageb1

So, it would be OK for me to pee on the floor in the middle of the night?


112 posted on 12/18/2006 12:31:51 PM PST by rwilson99 (95% of Al-Jazzera Viewers Agree... the world is less safe (for them) since 9/11)
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To: Fierce Allegiance
How's the dog gonna get a drink?

The shower floor.

113 posted on 12/18/2006 12:32:38 PM PST by Jeff Chandler (Barack Hussein Obama)
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To: the OlLine Rebel
ROFL!

:) Thank you. :)

114 posted on 12/18/2006 12:32:54 PM PST by proud American in Canada (Thy Will Be Done.)
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To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks

I solved the toilet seat problem by not lifting it to begin with.

Just let 'er rip a few times and you will have the women begging you to lift it.


115 posted on 12/18/2006 12:33:19 PM PST by sgtbono2002 (The fourth estate is a fifth column.)
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To: the OlLine Rebel

Not literally. Figuratively, if ya know what I mean...


116 posted on 12/18/2006 12:33:28 PM PST by Tolerance Sucks Rocks (“Don’t overestimate the decency of the human race.” —H. L. Mencken)
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To: camle

I can't quite remember if I used that particular urinal or not. I'd like to think that I didn't.


117 posted on 12/18/2006 12:34:23 PM PST by Tolerance Sucks Rocks (“Don’t overestimate the decency of the human race.” —H. L. Mencken)
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To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks
I have worked a number of years in IT, and I can guarantee that all of the talking that women do does not necessarily translate into better communication. I'll give you an example.

Let's say a user is trying to open a public Word document, and receives an error. Here is how two different calls might go:

Male caller: "I tried to open document XXXX from the shared drive and Word gave me the error 'document not found'".

Female caller: "The computer's not working."
Me: "What exactly is the problem?"
Female caller: "I'm trying to work in one of the documents and the computer won't let me."
Me: "Can you please describe what you're trying to do, and what error you're getting."
Female caller: "Well, this morning my boss called me and said he needed a TL report first thing, and I knew that I had to do my XY and WZ reports before noon, so I figured I better try to do the TL report first, so after I got my coffee, which I always have to have first thing in the morning ever since my operation....."
118 posted on 12/18/2006 12:35:03 PM PST by fr_freak
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To: Last Laugh

OTOH, if he saw a pic of someone sexy, he'd get 'distracted'


119 posted on 12/18/2006 12:35:17 PM PST by camle (keep your mind open and somebody will fill it full of something for you)
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To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks

id' like to think not. th evisual image of little crawly things jumping about in 'mid-stream' id rather disturbing, if you follow me;-)


120 posted on 12/18/2006 12:36:08 PM PST by camle (keep your mind open and somebody will fill it full of something for you)
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