How to convince a kid not to do drugs?

December 14, 2006 | self

[Ben Chad]

I have a friend, a single mom, who has a 16-year-old son who has been seduced by a group of peers into smoking marijuana. They live in an upper-middle-class town in New Jersey, a suburb of Philadelphia. The kid says that 90% of his classmates smoke dope. The mom has grounded him, taken away his computer, will not allow him to get his driving permit, tried to reason with him about legal and health consequences, and things like that. But he seems impervious to reason and says he won't stop the behavior.

[traderrob6]

That should work!

[dirtboy]

I would appreciate your ideas for how a parent can nip this in the bud.

Ask the kid what he wants to do with his life. Encourage him to go in that direction. And show that pot is not generally conducive towards moving in that direction, unless he wants to flip burgers for a living.

Sometimes the best shock treatment of all is to get the kid a job and show him what he'll be stuck doing for years if he doesn't get at least some college education.

But also, don't B.S. the kid. And realize that pot impacts different people differently. I would have the mom sit down with the kid and talk frankly - are the kid's grades going down as a result? (happens to some and not the others). How often does the kid smoke pot - is he a stoner or just smokes from time to time? Is he missing class?

If the kid is not being severely impacted, it requires less intervention than if the kid is completely tuning out from school.

And frankly, I would be far more concerned about a kid with an alcohol problem - that often leads to dead teenage drivers.

[Darksheare]

Basically, it's the therapy given in A Clockwork Orange, only without the eyedrops and other goodies.

[spacejunkie]

LOL! I thought pot was a golden arches drug.

[wafflehouse]

DO NOT sick the police on him

[TKDietz]

"Since he is a minor, the crime will not stay on his record..."

This is false. His juvenile records will end up being sealed but not destroyed. If he wants to be in the military, be a stockbroker, or in most states at least if he wants to be a lawyer, his juvenile arrests can come back to haunt him. There are probably several other jobs or licenses like that. I only know for sure about these three because I've done them all.

[LdSentinal]

Well, since two people say this I will trust your judgement.

[SQUID]

No answer will be the magic answer. Discipline as a parent is very important. Say what you mean and mean what you say or you're cooked. If you give in to nonsense you will be cooked. If you try to be the cool mom, you're cooked.

Well, is it impossible to get some other parents involved? Preferably the parents of his friends. Does the mom have a brother or any exemplary male figure?

His pot smoking stat is way off anyway.

The fact of the matter is that he is seeking some sort of escape from his personal challenges. He needs to be taught to face things head on and not depend upon others or anything to achieve success or happiness. Happiness is a choice and so is success.

He can deal with the lack of a father figure negatively and be bitter about it or face it and move on. There are many who lived through much worse in life and didn't need pot to deal with it. Weak people need supplements to deal with reality.

Discipline and the courage to stand alone in a crowd of pot smokers is found in the local Synagogue or Church.

Involve him in activities that have a majority of people that don't do pot. He will slowly see that he doesn't need a supplement to deal with reality.

The fact is, pot smoking is against the law. There should be no exception. If he were to get caught it will be there when he tries to get into school or get a job.

[sodpoodle]

"I don't have the answer, my son and I went thru this and I lost".

Newc
Yours is the advice I would follow.

Sorry you had to lose.

sp

[RockinRight]

That won't help. His answers will be variations of:

"it's fun."

"everyone else has done it"

"I don't care"

[RockinRight]

Doesn't help the situation at hand. Marrying some jerk off the street won't help the kid at this age.

Woulda, shoulda, coulda...DOESN'T DO A DAMN THING NOW. Last time I checked, Doc Brown's time machine was just in the movie.

[mattfromva]

Beat the dog shit out of him and ground him for life

[lesser_satan]

Hire a hot young female to come over every week and berate and humiliate him over his pot use.

[delphirogatio]

I was gonna say....the only reason my brother and I didn't get involved in this stuff was because of our mother. She was the single parent (after our Dad pulled a runner). And she always said that if she caught us doing it, she'd call the cops herself.

And we knew she meant it. But, we knew that because she had spent the first 15 yrs of our lives teaching us that decisions have consequences and that she carried through on her promises.

[Darksheare]

If he's locked in a room with a bunch of guys who are high and trying to pull their own eyes out of their heads, that will cure him right quick of thinking it is fun.
First hand visuals work wonders, even if highly traumatic.
The trauma reinforces the lesson and the idea.
A trip to a car accident scene that is being processed where the responders are baggying bits and pieces is good enough for most kids, unless they're remarkably stupid.

[sodpoodle]

"Beat the dog shit out of him and ground him for life"

Matt, of course, is speaking on behalf of the fathers who would otherwise be taking care of the family business, so that there would be no need for single mothers asking advice on how to raise well-adjusted, productive sons.

;)

[dakine]

Let him be arrested...works wonders...

[wafflehouse]

ive been in this situation many years ago now as 'the kid'.. and im not going to give my life story here, but i will say the 'prison' strategy made things worse. getting a job helped make the connection that work and responsibility = money, however with money comes opportunities for more trouble. it just depends on the kid i suppose.. for me, i had to do stupid things and learn the hard way.
i have kids of my own now and i am sure they will have to learn the hard way too, but at least i know what to expect :-P

[dakine]

That is funny...any kid with balls, would be gone in a minute...

[Lizavetta]

Introduce this boy to my brother-in-law.

His train of thought is still at the station.