How to convince a kid not to do drugs?

December 14, 2006 | self

[Ben Chad]

I have a friend, a single mom, who has a 16-year-old son who has been seduced by a group of peers into smoking marijuana. They live in an upper-middle-class town in New Jersey, a suburb of Philadelphia. The kid says that 90% of his classmates smoke dope. The mom has grounded him, taken away his computer, will not allow him to get his driving permit, tried to reason with him about legal and health consequences, and things like that. But he seems impervious to reason and says he won't stop the behavior.

[Nate505]

McDonald's piss tests for cashier positions? No offense, but I find that very hard to believe. I find it hard to believe that any job that pays minimum wage or barely above it piss tests. It's not very cost effective, for one.

[bigfootbob]

Sorry, but true. My 16 year old daughter has been making the rounds submitting applications. The two McDonald's here in my county she applied to are franchises and they require them.

[Darksheare]

Perhaps if you were loathe to hurl insults, I'd take you more seriously.
As it sits, you are only good for amusement as your 'discussion' and 'conversation' consist mostly of insults anyway.
But, I'd be out of some entertainment then.
And it being the Holiday season, entertainment is where one finds it.
Happy Holidays HG.

[LibWhacker]

Awww, jeez, that's not just misleading of you, dippy, it's an outright lie. I never said that "a teenager with a little bit of pot will get your house seized." I said it COULD get the mom's house seized. Do you understand the difference?

The laws of Ohio do not apply in New Jersey where the lady in question lives. Innocent people most certainly have had their homes seized because one of their kids had a few joints in his or her room, and such forfeitures have been upheld by SCOTUS. The kid doesn't even have to be selling pot. An annonymous tip that he's dealing is all it takes and, BOOM!... you could lose your house, your car, your boat, everything.

[wafflehouse]

the human brain isn't really totally wired until about age 25.

and that is at the very best a wild guess.. brain development is a moving target that doesnt stop until you croak

[VOA]

...and that is at the very best a wild guess.. brain development is
a moving target that doesnt stop until you croak

Agreed. IIRC, there's an occassional article about apparent brain
recovery in mature folks that goes against previous understandings of
how/when the brain wires (or re-wires) itself.

[Ben Chad]

TK- many thanks for your contribution. That small town where you work is lucky to have you as a public defender.

I agree without reservation that putting one's child on the radar of law enforcement and/or the court system is tantamount to branding the kid with an 'L' on the forehead.

[-YYZ-]

Stress the legal ramifications, which in my opinion are the worst risk in using pot. A simple arrest for possession could quite possibly ruin their life, or at least severely curtail their options. Just my opinion, but I think having a full understanding of what getting caught in possession could mean might start to get through to them.

[-YYZ-]

Stress the legal ramifications, which in my opinion are the worst risk in using pot. A simple arrest for possession could quite possibly ruin their life, or at least severely curtail their options. Just my opinion, but I think having a full understanding of what getting caught in possession could mean might start to get through to them.

[Old_Mil]

-Boot camp
-Calling the cops and letting him spend a night in jail and get the necessary record
-Kicking his butt out of the house at midnight on his 18th birthday should all else fail

[I'm ALL Right!]

MJ does lead to stronger drugs. In people with addictive personalities it is the first step towards a horrible end. I've seen it happen...these kids think it is a "nothing" drug...then they get hooked, then they need more, then they try the next stronger thing...it's a mad circle.

[Lonesome in Massachussets]

I suspect it's not the nature of the drug, but the nature of the person. Some people seek escape and find it in drugs, alcohol, pornography [gulp, the internet], or whatever. If they didn't smoke dope, they'd get drunk. From what I've seen [anecdotal evidence warning!] MJ is probably less destructive than alcohol. Either way, it's a waste of life.

[MarkL]

I personally don't think the scared straight stuff is gonna work. I think 16 is a little young to be smoking pot. I'd try to convince him to treat it the same way as alcohol, and basically I'd have the same attitude towards both with a 16 yr old. I'd tell him when he graduates high school and gets out on his own, he's free. But he's not old enough to drink, and he's not old enough to smoke pot, and then I'd take the same corrective action i would take if i caught him with a 5th of Jack Daniels.

My two cents. I'm not a parent, but I did smoke pot.

I used to think the same way as you... However, things have changed radically since the days I was in high school and smoked pot. Back then, if you got caught in school (at least in my school), the pot would be confiscated, you'd be given a choice... Either it would be handled by the school, or they'd contact the police to let them deal with it. If you had the school deal with it, things would start with a visit to the coaches office, and a very serious appointment with "the board of education." After a number of vicious swats, they'd call your parents, and let them know that you were going to have 10 days of detention. And why. BTW, if you were caught a second time, you no longer had an option: They WOULD call in the police.

Today, they just call in the police, and I know a woman whos son was a pretty good kid, with excellent grades and college prospects, who was sentanced to 30 months in state prison wheh he was a senior in high school. It's a whole differnt "game" today.

Mark

[wintertime]

I would appreciate your ideas for how a parent can nip this in the bud.

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1)Break up the friendships.

2)IMMEDIATELY (yes, I am shouting) REMOVE THAT CHILD FROM SCHOOL AND THEN MOVE AT LEAST 100 MILES AWAY! Yes, I do mean it. In every case of child going wayward, the parents have told me that it was the friends made in school that caused their child to go bad. It is more important to save the child's life, than missing a year or two of school. He can make up the loss at a community college later.

3)Take away the cell phone. Remove and, once moved, do not have a land line phone. NO Internet. ( All designed to break up friendships and to restore the child's relationship with his parents.)

4)Then keep that young man close to the parents and possibly very trusted grandparents.

5) Ban cousins! Do not allow the child to visit them. Do not allow them to come to the home. ( Too bad if the aunts and uncles have their feelings hurt.)

6)If the young man runs away, mortgage the home and send him to a reform camp for a year or two.

These parents must act immediately. They have very little time left to help this child. He will soon be 18. My guess it that they are wishy-washy fools and will not have to the guts to do what is needed.

[wintertime]

There is plenty she can do. See message #215.

The pray the entire time for the guts to do it.

[wintertime]

Oh oh..... the single mom bashers will be here shortly to give you tons of advice.

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It is not a bash on a single mom to say that children without dads are at a tremendous disadvantage.

[anton]

Go to Al-Anon. Take mom with you.

[wintertime]

4. Shut down his world to school books and three changes of clothes.... one for today... one for tomorrow.. one in the wash... No outside contact -- no cell phones/pagers... no toys... No buddies/no girlfriend... zip/zilch -- nada

5. The only outside activities are school obligations -- NOT elective activities (social/intramural) -- and supervised church/youth activities... if he is so inclined....

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School is the source and cause of the problem. Why?

School is much like a prison, and cliques are really comparable to prison protection gangs. People wrongly think that a child in school picks his friends. (WRONG) It is the clique that picks the child. How the clique chooses a child is often subtle and membership requires proper clothing, speak patterns, hobbies, etc. So....saying to a child pick better friends is fruitless. The other cliques will reject him.

It is better for this child to be removed from school than to lose his future completely. Anything missed can be made up in a community college in a year or two.

[wintertime]

Perhaps total supervision - to the extent of taking him to and from school,

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Remove him from school!