How to convince a kid not to do drugs?

December 14, 2006 | self

[Ben Chad]

I have a friend, a single mom, who has a 16-year-old son who has been seduced by a group of peers into smoking marijuana. They live in an upper-middle-class town in New Jersey, a suburb of Philadelphia. The kid says that 90% of his classmates smoke dope. The mom has grounded him, taken away his computer, will not allow him to get his driving permit, tried to reason with him about legal and health consequences, and things like that. But he seems impervious to reason and says he won't stop the behavior.

[Uncle Meat]

DO NOT sick the police on him

They will confiscate his weed and smoke it themselves.

[Hemingway's Ghost]

Bravo Sierra. You want me to re-create the whole conversation you were having with wafflehouse?

Early on in this thread, you made it seem like you were a tough guy Joe Friday against pot because you've seen the belly of the beast---guys ripping their eyelids off, guys having all sorts of psychotic episodes, etc.---and that's what kept you from going down the wrong path yourself. Only after a few posters threw the BS flag on your BS did you admit that the worst things you "saw," and the overwhelming majority of what you "saw," had nothing whatsoever to do with pot, but with coke, booze, and other drugs. And the worst thing you ever "saw" someone do on pot was . . . puke. In other words, the same exact thing rookie drinkers often do---puke. Oh, the horror.

You're a chump and a poseur.

[Hemingway's Ghost]

Although there are exceptions, of course, most people I know over 30 who still smoke grass tend to be, how shall we say it, "success-challenged." Just show them the dirtbag with the five-day growth of beard, the raspy voice, the receding hairline crowning the long side tresses, no memory, no motor co-ordination, who barely leaves the house and whose clothes are stained with bong water. Older stoners (unless they're rock stars) are usually very uncool. Every town has one, so give him a first-hand glimpse. Older dirtbags don't get chicks, unless they're really grubby girls.

Actually, I've smoked grass with people in their 30s and older who get the honor of paying federal taxes at the highest rates possible. Grass doesn't make the loser; rather, grass gives the loser the excuse to be a loser. Just like for others, booze gives the excuse, like coke gives the excuse, like adultery gives the excuse, etc.

It's funny how FR conservatives are all about free will and personal choice until it comes go Drugs, and then it's all about the drug making the man . . .

[Hemingway's Ghost]

If someone can tell me the problem with smoking a little pot after work, like many do with some scotch after work, other than pot's legal status, I'd like to hear it.

I know you've participated in WoD Threads, so I also know you ain't holding your breath, waiting for an answer, because there is none!

[Hemingway's Ghost]

It's funny how FR conservatives are all about free will and personal choice until it comes go Drugs, and then it's all about the drug making the man . . .

"go" = "to", of course.

[Reform4Bush]

I think education is the best method.

I experimented a bit in my younger days, and it's difficult for a parent to monitor or influence their child to the point that the child will never try drugs.

I'd suggest the parent(s) have a sit down with the child and openly discuss the matter. The parents should lay down the penalties the child will face if the parents discover they are using (ie no car priveleges, no allownace, groundng if possible, drug treatment programs, etc.

The parent should also realize the child does have a bit of 'freedom of choice' and is nearly an adult. Emphasize to the child that they read up on what they are planning on putting in their body. Knowledge of how different drugs affect your body, emotions, moods, and potential for addiction were probably the biggest factors that kept me from venturing too far down the abuse road.

It had to my decision, and I took it upon myself to get educated on the risks of each drug I experimented with.

With the designer drugs and what not available today, this is even more important. MDMA, crystal meth and other drugs that have serious side effects are pretty popular today. Simply telling the child 'NO' is just not a good enough strategy.

Kids need to be educated about the risks - not just yelled at, grounded, spanked, and have priveleges denied. The parents would do well to join the kids in learning about these drugs so they can also spot the warning signs of use. Parent and child should get educated together about the risks.

[Darksheare]

Believe what you want to believe, you will anyway.

[Darksheare]

IF all you can do is hurl insults, that tells me that you've lost.
And guess what, all you know how to do is hurl insults.

The guy trying to pull his eyes out was LSD trip gone bad.
It went bad because I pulled a prank on him.
The guy slapping at coke bugs often had violent ouitbursts.
I saw him when I was 8.
IF you cannot distinguish seperate events, that's your problem.
Seems I struck a nerve with you.

That amuses me greatly.

[Hemingway's Ghost]

IF all you can do is hurl insults, that tells me that you've lost.

Lost what? I was simply one of several who pointed you out for the poseur you were. Or are. There's no winning or losing in that.

What else have you seen, oh poseur? How much more knowledge can you impart on us, the great unwashed, with the breadth of your experience? Should we not smoke pot because you once saw a guy get a finger cut on a baloney slicer? Should we not drink a beer because one of your dim-witted friends once puked from eating too much pizza?

[bigfootbob]

Here in my state, about all of them including McDonalds and bag-boys at Albertson's.

[VOA]

I'm not a neurologist.
But I have heard that in recent years, it's been found that the
human brain isn't really totally wired until about age 25.

I'm sure it's a loser argument for a sixteen-year old.
But I think an argument could be made for at least really minimizing use
of drugs until your brain fully wires (or reaches its'
"high-water mark"!) at age 25.

And I'm not picking on "recreational drugs". I suspect this would even
include some prescription drugs and OTC substances.

[Trampled by Lambs]

If someone can tell me the problem with smoking a little pot after work, like many do with some scotch after work, other than pot's legal status, I'd like to hear it. I have yet to hear a reasonable explanation, although I have heard a bunch of reefer madness garbage. This is total conjecture, but I doubt the person who made this post would have made it if she would have found a bottle of Everclear on her son, which is far more damaging that pot could ever be. Yet it's legal for adults, therefore 'better.'

As it happens, I agree with you for the most part.

However, I've known many, many pot smokers over the last 30 years or so and a good number of them (including myself at one point) just can't leave it at that level. They seem to want to be stoned 24/7 and when pot smoking is at that level, it IS a problem.

If you're hitting the bong before work and slipping out for a bowl at lunch then smoking steadily from when you get home from work till bedtime, you've got a problem. I was once this way and I know of enough people who are this way still to convince me that it is indeed a problem with a good percentage of pot smokers.

I smoked the stuff for enough years (decades) to know better than "reefer madness" but I also know that chronic tokers are anything but uncommon and in general it (pot) is the main reason they're going nowhere in life.

I stopped years ago because I finally woke up to the fact that pot was making me lazy and stupid.. (the ever increasing potency of the weed was also a factor).

If you can keep it at the same level as the evening cocktail then I agree, it's no more harmful. I am also a proponent of legalization but to pretend that it's completely harmless for all is bullsh*t.

[Lazamataz]

If he is found with cocaine, rub his nose in it.

[VOA]

...tried to reason with him about legal and health consequences...

1. If he ever wants to go to become a lawyer or get some other
high-level sort of license...he'll have some 'splainin'
to do if he his drug use ends up in some sort of record or he
has a drug-related conviction.

2. IIRC, if he ever gets a felony conviction involving possession or
distribution of a controlled substance, there goes the Hope Credit for
college tuition/fees.
(and there may be further financial aid repercussions)

I'm not saying these sanctions are good/bad; just facts of life
if someone ends up with a drug-related felony.

[Lazamataz]

Seriously: An addict is someone who uses drugs despite the consequences (this is the classic AMA definition). Pee test the kid, and if he uses anyways, force him to go to Narcotics Anonymous meetings.

[RedRightReturn]

BINGO!!! Tell him it makes his pee-pee no-workie!! Hit 'em right in the hormones!

If he doesn't believe it, dare him to keep it up and find out for himself....

[TKDietz]

Let me give you one more perspective. I am a small town public defender. Part of what I do is represent every single juvenile who gets in trouble in my county who doesn't end up getting an attorney hired for him. That works out to better than 95% of them. Where I live all juveniles are considered indigent, so I even end up representing the doctors' and lawyers' kids who get in trouble. I handle both delinquency (criminal) cases and "Family in Need of Services" (FINS) cases, called "Child in Need of Services" (CHINS) cases in many states. Those are cases where the child is not charged with a crime, but they are going after him because he runs away, is constantly missing school, or "habitually disobedient" to the lawful commands of his parents (or school officials).

I agree with others who say avoid getting the police or the courts involved. That's not likely to help him and it may end up being something this mother really regrets. When the court gets involved it basically becomes another parent, the one one with the final say in all matters. The actual parents have to go along with whatever the judge says or they could end up being tossed in jail, and/or have their children taken from them, and there are certainly a lot of times when the parents do not agree with the juvenile probation office or the judge. People should avoid court involvement in their families if at all possible because there is a very good likelihood that not only will the court and juvenile department not help the situation, but they might very well make things worse and there won't be a darned thing you can do about it once you have invited them into your lives.

If the mother were to file one of these "FINS" cases or a juvenile case what would likely happen is that the boy would be put on probation and would be drug tested occasionally for several months. Now he might also get stuck in some crappy treatment center whether he needs it or not, but at least where I live that has slowed down some because it became apparent that the treatment providers with the government contracts were recommending inpatient treatment whenever they had beds available, and their expensive outpatient treatment when no beds where available, regardless of the actual needs of the child. Now they test the kids and if they fail another drug test they're probably going to get sent to either inpatient or outpatient treatment, which rarely does any good by the way.

Anyway, drug testing a teen you know is using drugs is not a bad idea. You can buy the tests somewhere like Walgreen's or Walmart. You can get them cheaper online. You can get tests that only check for one drug, or tests that check for multiple drugs. The one drug kits are cheaper. I think our probation office only ends up paying about a $1.50 each for them and they'll often use two or three different tests on the same sample to check for different drugs, and sometimes will use the tests that check for multiple drugs.

I say this mother needs to sit down and talk with her son. She needs to tell him why she is worried. She needs to try to get him to understand that she is not trying to be a jerk, but she loves him and she's going to have to start drug testing him and imposing consequences every time he fails a drug test. He's sixteen, and as long as he is under her roof he is just plain not allowed to smoke pot or use any other illegal drugs. When he's old enough to move out on his own he can do what he wants. Hopefully by then he'll have more sense.

As for his comment about how 90% of the kids in his school are smoking pot, that's plain b.s. It isn't true. Kids give me this line all the time. What it means is that they are hanging around with the wrong crowd. Most kids do not use drugs. A lot of kids have smoked marijuana or tried other drugs, but the vast majority are not drug users. This boy needs to understand this, and he needs to understand that if he continues to hang out with stoners he's going to get in trouble. Obviously he likes to smoke pot. If he runs around with kids that get high, he's going to do it too. That's pretty much a given. That's like putting a bag of candy bars or a steaming hot pizza in front of some poor guy on a diet. That is a temptation he does not need in his life, so he is going to have to make adjustments in who he associates with, or suffer the consequences later. If he can't find friends who don't get high, maybe he needs to stay home alone and focus on his school work or something. He'll adjust, and pretty soon find himself enjoying life without being a stoner.

I'm not a huge fan of forced treatment programs. They don't tend to work, and a lot of these treatment centers are pretty much worthless programs run by "former drug addicts" with little or no professional training. A lot of them seem to exist just to suck up as much government money as possible. On the other hand, if a kid starts testing positive for extremely addictive drugs like meth, heroin, cocaine, or opiates, it's time to seek professional help.

Pot isn't harmless, but it is nowhere close to being in the same league with these other substances that are very likely to ruin a person's life. A lot of people go through a period of years where they are frequent or even regular pot smokers and most still come out of that just fine. Most will grow up and move on. A lot of people try the hard stuff and still come out okay, but the risk of life destroying addiction is much, much higher with these substances. They are extremely dangerous, and not just a whole lot of folks who mess with these substances for an extended period come out of it unscathed. Some will, but so many others will end up living miserable lives struggling with lifelong debilitating addiction. I've certainly seen quite a few teens who are already there, and I have plenty of adult clients who have struggled with it for years and who in too many cases will struggle with it for life. Too many of them will never be able to quit for good, even though they'll try many times to do just that, maybe even sometimes making it a year or two and getting everyone's hopes up before they slip right back into it. They'll never have anything of value, not even decent relationships. They'll let themselves down over and over, and of course do the same to everyone they care about. They'll be in trouble again and again. Some will eventually leave the stuff alone, but not before they've burned all their bridges and limited their future opportunities to the extent that they'll have to struggle much harder than the rest of us just to get by even if they put the drugs behind them for good.

I've seen all of this so many times before and it is not something I'd wish on anyone. I try my hardest to steer these kids to the right path, but I know I'll see a lot of them later, over and over again. Sometimes they'll end up telling me years later when I'm representing them on adult felony charges that I was right and that they should have listened to me when they were younger. I must admit like being right, but somehow there's not much joy in those conversations.

In summary, people should avoid going to the police or through the courts in these situations if at all possible. Drug testing with consequences for failed drug tests is a good idea when you know your child is using drugs. Make sure they know what the consequences will be, that the consequences will get worse every time, and that you will be unwavering in imposing those consequences. Seek professional help early on if your child is using the hard stuff. Really listen to your kids and try your hardest to get them to understand that you are doing what you are doing because you love them and you want to stop them from making their lives much harder than they have to be. Make a real effort to acknowledge the good things they are doing, their good qualities and their accomplishments. Lay down the law, but don't forget that a little kindness, encouragement, and plain old love can go a long way.

[divine_moment_of_facts]

BINGO!!! Tell him it makes his pee-pee no-workie!! Hit 'em right in the hormones! If he doesn't believe it, dare him to keep it up and find out for himself....

Thank you, thank you.. It's a shame I don't have kids.. It would be so much fun freaking them out with facts. Hehe...

[dfwgator]

Bring in Matt Foley as a motivational speaker.

[The Blitherer]

lol, my favorite SNL skit of all time!