Posted on 12/14/2006 9:32:26 AM PST by Ben Chad
I have a friend, a single mom, who has a 16-year-old son who has been seduced by a group of peers into smoking marijuana. They live in an upper-middle-class town in New Jersey, a suburb of Philadelphia. The kid says that 90% of his classmates smoke dope. The mom has grounded him, taken away his computer, will not allow him to get his driving permit, tried to reason with him about legal and health consequences, and things like that. But he seems impervious to reason and says he won't stop the behavior.
This is a thread about pot. You posted that retarded statement above as if pot was the thing on which these mental midgets were high, and that if something similar could be arranged to help the boy who's the subject of this thread, that it would cure him of thinking it, i.e., smoking weed, is fun. It was only after several posters, including me, threw the BS flag on you that you admitted these losers were high on another drug when they attempted this, and that the worst thing you'd ever seen anyone do as a result of smoking pot was vomiting---and that's probably because the idiot just stuffed himself full of revolting pizza.
Vomiting.
Oh, the horror.
What a chump.
Just make sure that you don't overreact. Pot has its dangers, but it is not crack, meth or heroin, although it could lead you more into a culture where those substances are abused.
The main things to stress are what every former stoner knows (those who outgrew the stuff and just grew up and stopped wasting their time):
1. Nothing happens when you smoke marijuana. As the commerical said, "nothing happens." Very true. You become passive and don't participate much in life.
2. Trash food becomes a part of your life.
3. You become lazy.
4. You're always at risk of getting arrested.
Although there are exceptions, of course, most people I know over 30 who still smoke grass tend to be, how shall we say it, "success-challenged." Just show them the dirtbag with the five-day growth of beard, the raspy voice, the receding hairline crowning the long side tresses, no memory, no motor co-ordination, who barely leaves the house and whose clothes are stained with bong water. Older stoners (unless they're rock stars) are usually very uncool. Every town has one, so give him a first-hand glimpse. Older dirtbags don't get chicks, unless they're really grubby girls.
http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-news/1753493/posts?page=71#71
The one you responded to was here.
Nicee try at a sidestep though.
Buy him a playstation 3. It's the only way.
Please don't sick the police on him that's the worst thing you can do. Or an overnight in jail, that's just stupid stupid.
Didn't Mcgruff the crime dog and a session with the DARE team work? How about "just say no".
Who's the chump?
You're trying to make it look like you responded to a different post.
>>And she always said that if she caught us doing it, she'd call the cops herself. <<
This, along with letting them know that she (read, YOU) will rat on all his friends as well, is good advice. Also, if any of those so-called friends come over, telling them the same thing: I will turn you in if I catch you with drugs, should work wonders.
You shy away from taking a tough stand and you are asking for trouble.
The single mom thing makes things difficult from a powerful-male-figure perspective and probably a time perspective (i.e., mom has to work).
The single biggest success factor I have seen in my personal experience and in my psychology studies has been the old standby: hero worship, modeling, someone to look up to, etc. etc. Gangs form and operate this way especially in the absence of fathers.
No mention of a divorce or an absentee father but at that age having any dominant male figure around is crucial, sorry to say. If the woman has a boyfriend that's a possibility but often the child and the boyfriend resent each other. An uncle, a cousin, even a neighbor - the mom should contrive scenarios where the son and the older male (even if older only by a year or two) can interact, preferably without close supervision. Of course, the substitute father must be drug-free and he may know 'his lines' about avoiding drugs already because he lives and believes them but some coaching wouldn't hurt.
Scouts, outdoors groups (climbing, hiking, rafting, camps), and of course sports are some options that are time-tested and don't require an elaborate plan by the mother.
Personally I avoided 9/10 of teen pitfalls because I was lucky enough to have 4 uncles 9-15 years older than me who a) avoided those pitfalls studiously either out of self-discipline or mortal fear of their father (my grandfather), b) made comments or jokes relating to the aftermath of drug use every time we saw a stoner or slovenly person and c) threatened to severely harm unnamed persons who used (although they didn't). Being a semi-intelligent but awestruck lad, I automatically extended this threat to include me.
The point is that dramatic 'gotcha' games, longwinded motherly speeches and threats of punishment are negative reinforcements - they will work, but to varying degrees. Positive reinforcement, i.e., acceptance from an older male or peer group through proper behavior or emulation, is a much stronger motivation and therefore a better deterrence/prevention method.
I know Pot isn't going to be the end of the kid but if the kid is smoking dope and disrespecting his mom she has to be drastic, I'm speaking from experience here. If my parents had done this they would have saved me ALOT of hassle, money and trouble.
A kid at 16 shouldn't be smoking pot, drinking, smoking cigs or any of that. What he does at 18, well that's his biz. Trying to convince him that he'll be a loser or like "that burn out over there" won't work, every teen boy knows he's indestructible and "different" and smarter then everyone else who went down the same path before him. She needs to get control, especially since she's a single mom or he'll walk all over her, steal cash from her purse, hock her stuff to get money for a sack, and do all manner of disrespectful things.
I remember after Elvis Presley's death an interview with a half brother of his. He stated, the drugs Elvis was involved in at the time had complete control of Elvis. He said if God can't get one off of drugs there isn't much hope.
Elvis was raised in church and, knew the ramifications of drug use, but the hold they had on him couldn't be broken.
Kidster:
I agree with you that many teens feel that they are indestructible. It's sometimes hard to go back and understand that mentality when you're thirty-two now.
I graduated high school back in '92 and remember the drug scene and the temptations around my peers. My parents were terrified and tried to shelter me from it, but most of my friends were already involved. Some came out allright, some didn't. One died in a car flip over whilst stoned, another went from being the high school golden boy to getting arrested for LSD possession in his first year of college. He was released owing to a technicality and became a high school teacher. When I spoke with him 4 years ago he was very much mired in his adolescence. I found it sad. Another friend was also an achiever in high school, but very prone to following whatever was deemed "cool." He went to college, ingested a whole blotter sheet of LSD and had to be put into a mental hospital for a semester. He dropped out of school, got covered in tattoos and body piercings, but straightened out, joined the Navy, fought in Iraq, came home, got married and is now working on an engineering degree; another stoner (or partial stoner) from high school went on to graduate from the Maritime Academy and become a practising lawyer in New York City. Now, my cousin started with dope at about 14 and is now 53, she has been in and out of prison and rehab. Her mother has disowned her, but her father caves in to her demands. She has ruined the lives of her family members.
I wish I could chart out an effective program here, but I am grasping at straws. I know that marijuana is not meth, but it can lead to admission to a culture that could prove very dangerous. I would say that since he is 16, the mother should take away all his privileges and if he screws up past 18, he is on his own. It's similar to what my parents did for me. God, those years are awful. No amount of money would be sufficient for me to redo my adolescence.
P.S. Just a sidenote: can you imagine what Jim Morrison would have been like had he not been "discovered" by Ray Manzarek on the beach back in '65? I picture this scuzzy, elderly, fat alcoholic reciting his disjointed poetry to a parking metre along the Venice Board Walk
Military School.
It's too late for Christian School.
Thanks everyone for your advice and testimonials. Some of the postings are funny as heck, others dead serious and sobering. I hope my friend profits from your ideas.
BC
Yep, the wages of sin are death.
Totally agree.
Involving the Police or Court is the last thing you wantto do. They get a Gold Star and he gets a permanent record.
"Beat the dog shit out of him .."
Many years later my son tells me this is what I should hav done to him. In hindsight I believe it might have worked.
The subject was disobedience to his mom.
Hence my reference to old style punishment.
I know, lost on some.
What jobs to 16 year olds get that requires a piss test?
No. I think you're making this one up, to be honest. Pot tends to have an anti-nausea effect.
The rest of your garbage sounds like a bad 50's anti-drug novel as well.
If someone can tell me the problem with smoking a little pot after work, like many do with some scotch after work, other than pot's legal status, I'd like to hear it. I have yet to hear a reasonable explanation, although I have heard a bunch of reefer madness garbage.
This is total conjecture, but I doubt the person who made this post would have made it if she would have found a bottle of Everclear on her son, which is far more damaging that pot could ever be. Yet it's legal for adults, therefore 'better.'
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