Posted on 12/14/2006 9:32:26 AM PST by Ben Chad
I have a friend, a single mom, who has a 16-year-old son who has been seduced by a group of peers into smoking marijuana. They live in an upper-middle-class town in New Jersey, a suburb of Philadelphia. The kid says that 90% of his classmates smoke dope. The mom has grounded him, taken away his computer, will not allow him to get his driving permit, tried to reason with him about legal and health consequences, and things like that. But he seems impervious to reason and says he won't stop the behavior.
This young man is already in a pattern of life-threatening rebellion... Don'cha think??
A parent's best move is to put a stop to the self-imposed life-threats... (drugs/buddies)
-- OR --
It will only get worse.... sooner rather than later is usally the pattern.
Jail time with a ruined record for life (bad drug deal--shots fired!)-- or perhaps a funeral procession. Seen both. ALL DONE... before the 18th birthday.
Progressively stronger measures enforced with an even hand and as much help as can be o btained or recruited -- including the estranged "Dad". When the rebellious will is at least inhibited if not finally broken -- THEN it's the time for compassionate dialogue, forgiveness, affirmation of positive/recuperative life choices.
Thence effective counseling for the family would be in order.
If "any kid with balls" prefers to book the scene...
Then he WILL learn the hard way... he shouldn't let the door hit him on the way out! Most teens have NO CLUE what it takes to provide the most basic needs -- shelter/food/clothes... The save-a-soul mission may be the best place to find him!
In either case -- the parent ("Mom") is not obligated to molly-coddle... provide for-- OR-- enable this habitually cyclic -- and VERY destructive pattern. This isn't time to be a "friend first"...
Being a parent means make the tough -- but ultimately redemptive-- choices.
Most parents should and would...
Pull out all the stops to save their kid.
FYI -- Dr. Spock was dead wrong...
Depending on the emotional state and self-serving stubborn will of the teen....
There are times to break down...
Then times to build them back up with an improved/longer view of their own life and welfare... and a more stable values grid.
I don't think the prson thing will work if he is reasonable he will know that nobody in there is in there for simply smoking dope.
I'm not trying to be caustic, but the kid isn't going to change until something bad happens to him as a direct result of his actions.
I agree, these days schools are all-too-eager to do just that, never mind that some of the administrators themselves wouldn't pass a pee test to save their lives.
This young fellow needs to know that all it will take is an anonymous tip from a nasty narc, ex-girlfriend or a rival--and he could find himself without a home to live in and his mom's bank accounts frozen over one little joint. I am not joking. Have the mom visit my website, too.
The only thing that the mother can do is tie the use of it to grades and driving. Personally, I would make the driver's license contingent on grades and make sure that the kid knows that heavy marijuana use usually has a negative influence on grades.
I was lucky, drugs were never an issue with my kids. My oldest was an elite athlete and my youngest has an irregular heart beat that could be effected by street drugs. But my youngest suffered the abuse of his peers because he would not participate.
Ever see someone barf their guts up from pot to the point that they are laying face down in their own puke unconscious?
i have NEVER EVER seen anyone throw up from pot. cancer patients take this stuff to relieve nausea.. what kinda crap were they smoking?
That's what i threw the BS card down one. The other stuff I've seen and believe but the only time i've ever seen someone barf from pot was because of coughing or because they were also drinking or doing something else with it.
Then you have yet to see many things.
I've seen quite a bit in my 31 years.
You may believe whatever you wish.
But I cannot help what I have seen firsthand.
By the way, you could bother to respond to me directly kidster.
Not a lie, happens all the time all over the country.
If a cop pulls you over and find as much as a pot seed on the floor of your car he can confiscate and auction it off and there's nothing you can do about it.
Simple Answer:
Military Boarding School.
Short of that, simply introduce him to a group of 50somethings who are still sitting around smoking dope and doing nothing with their lives....
There is a park in my town, where the same guys have been hanging smoking dope and doing nothing since they were teens... they are now in their 40s and 50s.... still sitting there doing nothing.
However if he won't behave or respect his mother, flat out, Military Boarding School.
Sorry, I figured you'd see the post, don't take it personally. If you say it was pot alone, I'll withdraw the BS card. Believe me I've seen some things, and seen all kinds of stregths of pot but never saw anyone puke thier guts out just from smoke, but you're right I certainly haven't seen everything in the world. nobody has
It was pot alone.
We'd been scarfing down white cheese and broccoli pizza before he and the others smoked, and he ended up turning green and ralphing his guts up.
At first I laughed, I admit that.
But once he passed out from heaving up everything and then some, it didn't seem funny.
Plus broccoli and white cheese makes a horrific sight second time around.
I probably should have explained that what I was describing was the most memorable events that made the impact for me over the course of the years.
Being 8 and watching a guy slap at coke bugs while prattling his name repeatedly was a bit of a shock.
The emergency stomach evac was more recent, I was in my later teens when I saw that one.
I don't want to see everything in the world.
What little I have seen has been enough.
See, there you go, it was white cheese and broccoli pizza, I'd puke my guts up and pass out from eating that stone cold sober!! j/k
I agree with you, i've definitely seen enough, too much actually wish I could take some of those drunken blackouts past and reissue them consciously to erase some of the crap I do remember.
It depends on that state's laws. In Ohio (where I live) small amounts of marijuana are almost legal. The biggest worry is if you get busted by feds or a state with strict laws. Or maybe one of thosemulti-jurisdiction task forces who are continually trying to justify their money from the feds and/or state.
But even then, most police & cities don't want to be in the business of seizing & re-selling houses. And many times you can pay the lien & get it back yourself, incovenient as that is.
But to say, as the poster I responded to said, that having a teenager with a little bit of pot will get your house seized is misleading at best. In the overwhelming majority of cases, that won't come close to happening.
Don't go apesh*t on the kid. I'm not saying it's not a "big thing," because a 16-year-old kid isn't mature enough to handle pot or "recreational" drugs of any kind, including booze. But smoking pot isn't something over which you should throw the kid into the clink.
Rather, try to convince him that pot and "pot culture" traps young kids like him into a wasteland that's populated with megalosers, and getting into pot too heavily at an impressionable age is a sure ticket to bland mediocrity, at best. There are few things more depressing than the tie-die set of 20-somethings at the local liberal arts college; let the boy know if you get into pot that early and that heavily, you're going to waste many years you'd kill to get back later on.
Yeah, some things just don't need to be remembered.
Like the guy screaming while tripping daisies and attempting to pull his eyes out.
That made me not want to try LSD.
Of course, I will admit that may not make much of an impression on today's youth.
Especially since they think 'recreational' use of ecstasy for make out parties is nothing to worry about.
Then there's the kids in there who mix multiple drugs at same party and wonder why they can't move the next day let alone eat or stay awake.
I often wonder about the kids in my area as the lcoal schools have brushed the issue under teh rug and claimed no problem exists.
Yet they repeatedly are suspending or expelling students due to 'stuff', and not just little bags of 'stuff' either.
(big problem in the local schools, local supervisor thinks that doing the iron hand thing will work. Local Principal went to take a softer but stern approach instead of the zero sense approach of the suepr. Super fired him. She suspends kids for cough drops but the official word is 'no problem exists'.)
Pulling out their eyes because they smoked pot? Sorry, I throw the BS flag on that bit of hyperbole . . .
Best advice so far.
Now re-read what I said.
I mentioned Coke bugs in there.
If I mentioned coke bugs, wouldn't that mean COCAINE?
And if I mentioned tripping daisies, wouldn't that mean a hallucinogen was ivolved?
And wouldn't that describe different events then?
They should just stick all those kids in a "alternative \school" and get them out of the general pop so they stop screwing up all the other kids. Schools ALWAYS say no problem if it's a big problem and they'd have to actually deal with parents, work a couple hours of OT and offend the permanantly offended parents who have the same attitude.
But that makes too much sense.
The schools only work towards the golden 'tenure' blanket, then they simply give up all pretense of actually caring.
And if someone does care, they get shuffled to someplace else quickly, or worse.
Local schools are also getting an infusion of money from the publiuc trough towards 'improvements'.
All of it towards stuff like a new huge basketball court rather than fixing the current one which simply needs repair, building huge new wings to the school which will be empty due to speculative population estimates, and none towards actually addressing real concrete issues of 'why do the kids not care and why do the teachers not care either'.
Of course, you know and I know that throwing money at it won't fix it.
Much like throwing money at the subject child of this thread won't fix the issue.
Tough work, rolled up sleeves and harsh realities will go a long ways towards fixing things, but it takes people actually saying "We need to do THIS" and doing it regardless of the 'constabulary' screaming about self esteem, or superintendants whining about cough drops.
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