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Childless: Some by Chance, Some by Choice
The Washington Post ^ | 11/28/06 | Nancy Rome

Posted on 11/28/2006 10:11:14 AM PST by steve-b

No, no, sorry. I don't have any . . ."

Why does this always seem to be the first thing I'm asked? It takes my breath away, yet why do I feel the need to apologize for my reply? Looking vague and embarrassed, my questioner glances over my shoulder for someone else to talk to: someone with whom he or she has more in common, someone with children....

Just as some women talk of a visceral urge that propels them to have children, others speak of an equally visceral urge that propels them not to. Laurie, a transplanted southerner who teaches history in New York, began to realize at an early age that she didn't want children, as she watched wealthy mothers in Richmond hire other women to care for their children. "These people compelled to have trophy babies in certain socioeconomic echelons don't want to face the realities of raising a child." She is now infuriated by what she calls "that Mother Right" -- the assumption that everyone will make way for a woman with a stroller or a child in tow....

But almost all the women I've talked with describe feeling acutely aware of what they see as our national obsession with motherhood: "The Bump Watch" hounding Jennifer Aniston and Jennifer Lopez; "Celebrity Babies" like the elusive Suri Cruise; and "The Ultimate Hollywood Accessory: A New Baby," popularized by Brangelina. Some use the term "child-free" to differentiate those who choose not to have children from those who had been unable to have them....

(Excerpt) Read more at washingtonpost.com ...


TOPICS: Culture/Society; Miscellaneous; News/Current Events
KEYWORDS: child; childfree; childless; children; nancyrome; nokidding; nokids; parent; parenthood; plannedbarrenhood; zpg
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To: arizonarachel

Rude people abound; some will hurt you out of sheer lack of manners and some get a sick thrill out of being cruel.

Mrs. Reb and I took quite a while before she 'caught' and then our only child passed away just before his fourth birthday after an extended fight with severe epilepsy. That makes it VERY uncomfortable for us when someone asks, "Do you have children?"


41 posted on 11/28/2006 10:32:03 AM PST by RebelBanker (It is, however somewhat fuzzier on the subject of kneecaps.)
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To: steve-b

I had someone once ask me -- doesn't it bother you that your biological clock is winding down? And I replied, "that's one of the advantages of being half-deaf -- I can't even hear that clock tick.


42 posted on 11/28/2006 10:32:24 AM PST by fatnotlazy
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To: CheyennePress
Meanwhile, welfare mom who sits at home pumps out 5 or 6.

This is not a model for success. The Me-Me-Mes (especially in urban areas) are a large reason Europe is going extinct.

To add another paradox, these educated and well-off people elect representatives who want to spend even more on welfare. Logic suggests that people like this have an unacknowledged desire to eliminate people like themselves from the population!

43 posted on 11/28/2006 10:33:00 AM PST by Tax-chick (My remark was stupid, and I'm a slave of the patriarchy. So?)
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To: arizonarachel

It's a RUDE question to ask, IMHO.....and IMHO some people should NOT have children.....and if they know that, that's great.


44 posted on 11/28/2006 10:33:34 AM PST by goodnesswins (I think the real problem is islamo-bombia! (Rummyfan))
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To: linda_22003
The thread is about childlessness - a trend that has increased dramatically since the mid-70s, around the same time your favorite procedure was legalized.

America is missing at least 20 million children - do you think that might have an impact on childlessness in America?

Perhaps?

45 posted on 11/28/2006 10:33:42 AM PST by wideawake ("The nation which forgets its defenders will itself be forgotten." - Calvin Coolidge)
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To: NOLA_homebrewer

Your sage advice is 100% accurate and makes complete sense. Why boorish people wish to "push" this topic on childless people is beyond comprehension.


46 posted on 11/28/2006 10:34:42 AM PST by Blue Jays (Rock Hard, Ride Free)
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To: GreenOgre

There is little respect for mothers or motherhood or children for that matter. Look at the terrible crimes committed against kids and how indifferent the authorities are in prosecuting the culprits. Kids are seen by people such as the author of the article as "in the way" of their great successs. I absolutely adore and cherish my child and could not imagine my life without him.


47 posted on 11/28/2006 10:35:22 AM PST by juliej
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To: NOLA_homebrewer
This idiot would not let the subject go, like not having children is some sort of deficiency that neeeds correcting.

Yeesh, what an a-hole....

48 posted on 11/28/2006 10:35:32 AM PST by steve-b (It's hard to be religious when certain people don't get struck by lightning.)
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To: arizonarachel
Sorry to hear that. Keep trying. Checking your profile your husband should not have a hard time wanting to keep trying. Anyway hang in there it will happen.
49 posted on 11/28/2006 10:36:07 AM PST by JackDanielsOldNo7 (On guard until the seal is broken)
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To: Vicomte13

It's called "People being nice and compassionate".

And thank God this idea is coming back by the offspring of the "me generation" as they fade into the sunset.


50 posted on 11/28/2006 10:36:13 AM PST by lowbuck (The Blue Card (US Passport). . . Don't leave home without it!)
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To: wideawake

My favorite procedure is rapidly becoming liposuction, so I don't know where you're coming from on this.

Your premise seems to be that women should have children for the Fatherland. Fortunately, they can decide to be childless if they wish.


51 posted on 11/28/2006 10:36:37 AM PST by linda_22003
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To: steve-b

Thoughtful article - she understands the admonition:

"Walk a mile in my shoes" ....that some don't want shoes, some cannot have shoes and there are in fact some who don't have feet.

I for one shall not pass judgement.

sp



52 posted on 11/28/2006 10:36:45 AM PST by sodpoodle (I have no idea how I got here - but I like it and I plan to stay.)
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To: juliej

Actually, I think "motherhood" IS cherished....by the same people who "cherished" MANNERS......and that's a dwindling part of the population.


53 posted on 11/28/2006 10:37:22 AM PST by goodnesswins (I think the real problem is islamo-bombia! (Rummyfan))
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To: steve-b
No, no, sorry. I don't have any

Sounds like she's feeling guilty and conflicted. Why the need to apologize, if she thinks she is doing the right thing?

54 posted on 11/28/2006 10:37:32 AM PST by PAR35
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To: steve-b

I wonder what brought this tirade on. I don't have kids because I never married (and am also old-fashioned enough not to have a kid outside of a marriage).

There is something intrinsicaly wrong with those who go into rages over people with kids. It shows an anti-child mentality and a selfishness that they carry like baggage.

As for me, I am grateful that my siblings have children and grandchildren. They are all so good to me and the kids are delightful. How wonderful to be able to mix with people of all ages and be comfortable with them. It's a healthy sign of maturity.


55 posted on 11/28/2006 10:40:17 AM PST by Gumdrop
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To: juliej
but believe me, motherhood is not cherished in this country

I find it to be a much more common attitude - frequently expressed even on FR - that having many children is wrong or irresponsible.

The attitude that there is something wrong with having more than 2 or 3 children, that children are a nuisance, that adults have some kind of right to never hear or see a child in a public place, that it is borderline immoral to bring a child into a nice restaurant, etc.

56 posted on 11/28/2006 10:41:34 AM PST by wideawake ("The nation which forgets its defenders will itself be forgotten." - Calvin Coolidge)
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To: PAR35

Probably because she wanted the one that was born dead.


57 posted on 11/28/2006 10:42:03 AM PST by linda_22003
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To: juliej
but believe me, motherhood is not cherished in this country - I am saying this as somebody who struggled with a stroller

Amen to that. Sadly, the Western world has become very hostile to children, when they are allowed to be born.

58 posted on 11/28/2006 10:42:12 AM PST by colorado tanker
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To: steve-b

http://happilychildfree.com/rants/?p=57


59 posted on 11/28/2006 10:43:09 AM PST by cyborg (No I don't miss the single life at all.)
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To: wideawake

I think if you can handle lots of children, great. But I see too many kids from larger families just running around with little or no supervision. Parenting my three is a full time job.


60 posted on 11/28/2006 10:44:20 AM PST by pa mom
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