Posted on 11/28/2006 10:11:14 AM PST by steve-b
No, no, sorry. I don't have any . . ."
Why does this always seem to be the first thing I'm asked? It takes my breath away, yet why do I feel the need to apologize for my reply? Looking vague and embarrassed, my questioner glances over my shoulder for someone else to talk to: someone with whom he or she has more in common, someone with children....
Just as some women talk of a visceral urge that propels them to have children, others speak of an equally visceral urge that propels them not to. Laurie, a transplanted southerner who teaches history in New York, began to realize at an early age that she didn't want children, as she watched wealthy mothers in Richmond hire other women to care for their children. "These people compelled to have trophy babies in certain socioeconomic echelons don't want to face the realities of raising a child." She is now infuriated by what she calls "that Mother Right" -- the assumption that everyone will make way for a woman with a stroller or a child in tow....
But almost all the women I've talked with describe feeling acutely aware of what they see as our national obsession with motherhood: "The Bump Watch" hounding Jennifer Aniston and Jennifer Lopez; "Celebrity Babies" like the elusive Suri Cruise; and "The Ultimate Hollywood Accessory: A New Baby," popularized by Brangelina. Some use the term "child-free" to differentiate those who choose not to have children from those who had been unable to have them....
(Excerpt) Read more at washingtonpost.com ...
National obsession with motherhood? Yes why don't we just do away with motherhood? We can do away with the future too!
I never took a BC pill in my life and I've never had an abortion. I failed to conceive. At 30, it really began to worry me - time was running out (boy did I ever hear THAT about a thousand times).
No doctor ever found a thing wrong with me or Mr. LL. I do admit to refusing fertility pills, (chlomed I think that's the name, but can't spell it) but that is because I did not want a "litter".
Sometimes, pregnancy simply does not happen.
You would not believe how guilty some people make me feel if I take my son to the doctor during work hours - and thank goodness I have done it, or it could have been serioud. There are people who really stink!
Condoms, pills and the like are FAR more widely used than abortion. I managed to go 15 years preventing pregnancy with bc and never having an abortion nor an unintended pregnancy. Roughly 35% of American women have had an abortion. The percentage of American women who have used birth control has got to be close to 85-90%.
I'm truly sorry for that. My godmother just could never have children, but she was so special to me just for that reason! She was so much prettier and more fun than my mom (gee I wonder why--grin).
I have a wonderful adopted godson who is proof that you don't have to bear 'em to love 'em!
Ya know,
I woulda slapped her,
but that's just me.
It's no ones business why someone doesn't have children, though I would love to tell some of the stories I've heard---
"Well, I've been struggling with ovarian cancer for years.."
"I was sexually abused as a child and I fear I'll do the same to a child I may have."
"My parakeet starved to death and I still can't find my shoes....don't think I'm parent material yet."
"Don't want to be on America's Most Wanted for child abuse."
And me, I get to be the favorite AUNT! I can love them, spoil them rotten on a week-end, then send them home! LOL
You know, I tried to figure out how to skip right over to grandma, but I just couldn't make it work out!
can you say 'bull dyke'?
I've wanted to slap a couple of the truly rude women I've come across, others just don't know any better.
Some of the hateful, pompous, ninnies, who have judged me, have gotten a piece of my mind. I have no problem telling them my opinion of their inconsiderate actions!
I've had folks here tell me how miserable my old age is going to be---- what a sorrowful life I'm going have etc...
As a way to 'punish' me for being childless I guess. HELLO! If someone is childless, assume there may be a good reason. Got news for them, they don't have a tinkers damn of a 'clue' of the hell I've already been through. I could either go mad with sorrow or have a life.
I chose to take the live I have and make it happy.
However, if you try to make a happy life no matter your circumstances, you're damned for being selfish.
Can't win. ;)
Of course your old age is going to be miserable. We parents just like to point that out because we're miserable NOW! *grin*
of course, "Laurie" COULD have chosen to have children and raise them herself, maybe with a husband and without the nanny. What a novel concept!
I have nothing but respect for a married couple who decides not to have children.
LOL! With the onset of my nieces and nephews children, I have found out that "grandma" can be a wonderful state of mind.
As I always say I have no problem with people who want to be childless (I know some people who should never have children). I only have a problem with those who look down their noses at those who do have children.
Are you referring to only children? I don't think all only children are angry with their parents.
And vice versa.
I chose to take the live I have and make it happy.
However, if you try to make a happy life no matter your circumstances, you're damned for being selfish.
Can't win. ;)
I've heard that one as well. I say, having children does not necessarily bring happiness in old age, or bring a contented retirement.
There are parents who can't get their grown kids out of the house - or keep them out, or get them to get jobs, parents who are supporting "children" who are in their forties!.
Furthermore, many of those who were blessed with children are also being blessed with raising their grandchildren as well.
Is it a guarantee that my children would take care of me in my old age, would I want them to? I can retire without that worry. I can take a trip or spend my savings without someone worried about their inheritance disappearing. How utterly selfish I am.
You are lucky you don't have to go to the work functions. I have zero in common with the people at my husband's company. I think that they think I am not very intelligent, even though I worked as a software engineer for 10 years before I had kids. In fact, I probably have more work experience than a lot of the young people at his company.
I actually liked the people at his old company better. There were a couple of other women that were stay at home moms, and I think people were plain friendlier.
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