Chestnuts Roasting As We Open Fire

Just a few weeks after one of my fraternity brothers and his girlfriend were both abducted and gunned down by an armed felon I was given a special gift by a good friend. David Lee Odom knew I was nervous about passing by the murder site every Thursday night on my way to play a weekly gig – I was a professional musician at the time - in Tupelo, Mississippi. So he bought me a box of .38 re-loaders and invited me to shoot his Model 19 Smith and Wesson as his special guest at the Starkville Gun Club.

The results were predictable. Soon after spending a Saturday afternoon plinking with that Model 19, I was hounding David to take me back to the club to put a box of .357 magnum rounds through that rugged blue-steel revolver. After a couple of times out at the range, I bought the gun from him and he replaced it with a new .44 magnum.

Years later, I would pass the gun bug on to my wife. She was terrified of guns until I put her through a little systematic desensitization – probably the only practical technique I ever learned as a psychology major - that culminated in a trip to the gun range. First, I had her pass an empty gun case to me. Next, I had her pass a gun case with a .22 packed inside. Then, I asked her to look in the case to make sure the extra magazine was inside. Then, finally, I asked her to take out the unloaded Ruger Mark II and hand it to me.

Shortly after she started to handle firearms she realized they don’t make loud noises unless you load them and pull the trigger. In other words, my wife was ready for a trip to the gun range with that little Ruger, an empty Coke can, and a box of Remington .22 Subsonics. Although she pretended she wasn’t having the time of her life, my wife soon begged me to take her back out to the shooting range. It was on that second trip that she got to put some 110-grain, .38 caliber hydra-shocks through my snub nose .357 magnum. From seven yards out, her first shot hit the 10-ring. Her second shot went through the same hole. She later nicknamed that Smith and Wesson Model 640 “Smithy” and now claims it as her own. In fact, she won’t let me shoot it without her express permission. The days of her irrational fear of firearms are long gone.

Just two days ago I set aside a few hours to convert another gun-less friend into a gun lover. But this time I added a new twist to my usual routine. Before we hopped into my car – packed with a 12-gauge, a 30-06, a .357 magnum, a .45 ACP, a .40 S&W, and a .22 semi-automatic – I wrote him a check for $200.

Scott managed to hit the bulls eye from 100 yards with his first ever shot from a high-powered rifle. He handled the 12-gauge like it was a water pistol. And, best of all, he learned that the mid-sized Glock .40 is a perfect fit for his hand with just the right amount of recoil coming from a 180-grain hollow point.

When I handed Scott the check for $200 I reminded him it was enough for a Ruger 10/22 rifle and at least one brick (500 rounds) of ammunition. And, today, I’m asking all of my gun-loving readers to do the same thing for a friend this Christmas.

There’s about a 50% chance that a gun-less person will go buy a firearm if you take him out to the range for an afternoon of shooting. But there’s about a 100% chance he’ll go buy a firearm if you hand him a check for that express purpose. Just make sure you pick someone who is at least slightly to the left of you politically – I prefer moderates and those who “vote for the best person” – and you will soon have a fellow right-wing, gun-toting friend.

Just imagine what America would look like if we all did the same thing this Christmas. Before long there would be no more Democratic Congress, no more Speaker Pelosi, and no more Internal Revenue Service. Individual freedom would win out over collectivism one gun owner at a time.

You may say that I’m a dreamer. But I’m not the only one. I hope some day you’ll join me. And the whole Islamic world will know we live with guns.

You may say that I’m a dreamer. But I’m not the only one. I hope some day you’ll join me. And the whole Islamic world will know we live with guns.

Hilarious!

I have an AK-47 with a heavy duty bipod, the L shaped squad automatic buttstock for prone firing, and a 75 round drum. I take my liberal professor friends to the range with a case of ammo and about a hundred water filled plastic bottles.

I put them in the prone position on my shooting mat and just sit there loading magazines while they gradually lose their minds. At first they fire one or two shots at a time and try to aim carefully for every shot. After about ten minutes there's a steady stream of spent brass flying out the ejection port.

They have a terrific time, but because they're liberals, after a few days they gradually start to feel guilty about having had fun shooting such an evil weapon. Then I take them back to the range again. Eventually, they are buying all the ammunition and the beer after the shoot.

A couple joined the NRA and bought SKS and Ruger .22 rifles. I'm converting anti-gunners, slowly but surely, the old-fashioned way... one at a time.

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