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The true cost of sex under 16
UK Daily Mail ^ | 11/23/06 | Barbara Davies& Alison Smith-Squire

Posted on 11/26/2006 10:21:45 AM PST by wagglebee

The night Clare Gibbons lost her virginity was unforgettable. Not because it was special or romantic or even exciting - but precisely because it was anything but.

At the tender age of 14, she and a friend went to an older boy's house for the evening. Both girls agreed to camp in the garden overnight with the 19-year-old and his friend.

'We all thought it would be fun,' she recalls. Then the drinking began and before she knew it, Clare was lying beneath the canvas having sex with a man she barely knew. It was a sickening experience which will be etched on her memory for ever.

'I can remember what happened,' says Clare, now a 17-year-old media studies student. 'But I was in such a tipsy daze I was powerless to stop it. The next morning, I could barely look at him. I felt absolutely sick, and so used and dirty.'

Tabatha Payne suffered a depressingly similar experience. She was 15 when she met her 'first proper boyfriend' - a 20-year-old man. 'I felt the grown-up thing to do would be to have sex,' she says. 'He kept telling me he loved me and everyone was doing it. It was a spur of the moment thing at his house. But it wasn't a good experience, certainly not the intimate and pleasurable experience I'd imagined sex would be. It was just a bit painful and disappointing.'

Stories such as these might send shivers down the spine of any parent with a teenage daughter. But the experiences of girls such as Clare and Tabatha are becoming increasingly common - so much so that this week a top police officer argued that men who have sex with girls aged 13 to 15 should not necessarily be classed as paedophiles.

Terry Grange, chief constable of Dyfed-Powys Police, said: 'I think the closer they get to 16, the more it becomes a "grey area" and I think everyone in the field of dealing with sexual health and sexual activity acknowledges that.'

Grey area or not, the statistics seem to bear out in black and white the alarming trend for girls having sex at a younger age. A survey last week revealed that a third of females are having sex before the legal age of consent - double the figure for boys in this country.

Alarmingly, in a country where the alcoholic consumption of 14-year-old girls outstrips boys, one in ten said they had sex because they were drunk, and a similar number said they felt pres-surised to lose their virginity.

Only half of the 1,700 girls surveyed by YouGov said they lost their virginity because they were in love. At the same time, levels of sexually transmitted diseases are soaring among the young.

In the past decade, levels of chlamydia, which can cause infertility, have risen by 238 per cent among women. Girls aged 15 and under were responsible for 1,000 of 90,000 new cases last year. And yet despite spending millions of pounds on sex education and free contraceptives, experts say the Government is failing to tackle the spiralling problem of under-age sex - and the highest teenage pregnancy rate in Europe.

All in all, such statistics paint a bleak picture of a generation of girls who have grown up too soon in a culture of increased sexualisation of children.

In the past, under-age sex among girls was often regarded as a class issue. But the stories of intelligent, educated girls such as Clare and Tabatha are a stark reminder of an experience which is becoming alarmingly common among the nation's middle-class daughters.

Clare, whose father is a telecoms manager and whose mother is a housewife, was raised in middle-class respectability in Orpington, Kent, and is studying for A-levels. And yet she found herself swept up in Britain's hard-drinking, sex-obsessed 'ladette' culture.

After her first sexual experience, she confided in her older sister, 19-year-old Louise, who took her to the family GP to get the morning-after pill.

'I was terrified and felt ill taking it,' says Clare. 'After a few more days, I couldn't hide what had happened any more from my parents. I couldn't stop crying and they kept asking what was wrong.

'They were very shocked - as I knew they would be. To them, I was still their little girl. But, thankfully, they were sympathetic and didn't shout at me.'

Despite regretting her mistake, a few months after turning 15, Clare met another boy her age and again felt pressured enough to have sex with him.

'Although I felt I shouldn't do it again, we did,' she says. 'After a few more weeks our relationship broke up. I so much regret not waiting until I was older.

'For me, the main problem was peer pressure from friends who all said they were sleeping with their boyfriends. The other catalyst was drink. I think the main reason young girls have sex is because they are drunk.'

Tabatha, now 18, who runs a clothing and jewellery business with her mother in the West Midlands, bitterly regrets her first sexual encounter three years ago.

'I look back and think I grew up far too quickly,' she says. 'In my early teens I was reading magazines and longing to get older. It seemed that everywhere I looked, from the TV to adverts for condoms in magazines, being sexy and having sex was the "in thing" to do.

She adds: 'Friends at school said they'd done it. When we talked, it seemed as if they were all having sexual relationships. The trouble is that girls do mature faster than boys. Some 15-year-old boys may not even be capable of having sex, whereas by that age, girls are young women.

'When you look at those horrible tarty Bratz dolls that little girls play with, it's no surprise that girls grow up too fast. You see girls going to parties complete with make-up and short skirts. They're like mini-women rather than children.'

Parenting expert Penny Palmano, the mother of daughters aged 18 and 20, is convinced that bad role models are to blame for young girls giving away their virginity so cheaply.

'It's so confusing for girls today,' she says. 'They are constantly bombarded by messages from television and celebrity magazines that everyone is having sex. Then you have the totally sexualised music videos - especially on teen-oriented channels like MTV.

'It's vital that parents deal with these issues and discuss them with their children so they can have the confidence to respect themselves and make sensible choices.'

A-level student Claire Guest, the 16-year-old daughter of a solicitor's receptionist and a business manager, from Romford, Essex, agrees.

'Everywhere you look these days there is sex,' she says. 'And it isn't just in obvious ways either. You can watch a music video on TV and see people in bed together or kissing and dancing sexily.

'Many people have a MySpace internet account where young girls wear sexy clothes and boys say how attractive they are. And every film has a sexual element. You grow up believing every relationship with a boy should include sex.'

Claire was 15 when she first slept with her boyfriend Adam, then aged 17. 'We did it in the bedroom at his house one day when I went round,' she says.

'At the time I was happy about it. We had been going out for about six months and we continued to go out together for another year. We always practised safe sex. I don't regret it as Adam was lovely and it was special for me.

'But I think for most of my friends who had under-age sex, it was a bad thing. I would estimate that 70 per cent of them had had sex by the time they were 16, but most of their experiences were just flings with older boys. Then they just felt used and upset.'

Perhaps most worrying of all, listening to these young girls' stories makes it clear that such experiences are not easily left behind. Once a young girl has experimented with sex, it seems that the door on childhood is closed for ever.

Helen Diamond, a 17-year-old A-level student, lost her virginity when she was 15 to a 19-year-old man she had been dating for six months. 'Afterwards, I felt overwhelmed by what I'd done,' she says. 'I suddenly thought: "God, I'm only 15." I would rather be able to say I lost my virginity at 16 which sounds so much older - and, of course, it's legal then.'

But the legacy of having sex prematurely can be far more damaging than merely the feeling of bitter regret. Frankie, a 17-year-old pupil at a private girls' school in North London, became pregnant three years ago at the age of 14 after losing her virginity to a 15-year-old boy.

'I'd got really drunk at a party,' she explains. 'We'd known each other as friends for a long time and I fancied him but we weren't going out together. I wished I hadn't done it straight away, but put it to the back of my mind.'

Eight weeks later, while on holiday with her parents, Frankie started feeling sick. Initially doctors dismissed it as a stomach bug, but later her mother took her to another doctor who told Frankie she was three months' pregnant. 'I rang and told the boy but he said he didn't believe me. I could tell it was just his word against mine,' she says.

'My parents were so shocked,' Frankie adds. 'They just couldn't comprehend what had happened. I'd had all the sex education and I came from a loving middle-class family. I think they blamed themselves. But it wasn't their fault. It was just something that could happen to any girl.'

The decision to have a termination was one which traumatised Frankie. 'I couldn't help but think my baby was a real person and it was terribly, terribly upsetting,' she says.

'My parents didn't put pressure on me, but I could tell they wanted me to have a termination, and the more I thought about it, the more I realised they were right.

'I couldn't support a baby. I was far too young. I always planned to go to a good university. Everything I, and my parents, have worked for - coaching me through exams to get into my school and paying for education - would have been pointless.'

Frankie went ahead with the termination and returned to school, but there is no doubt that what happened has permanently scarred her.

She says: 'It's been a while now, but the whole experience has changed me. I feel I've grown up too much and seen a bit of life I would rather I hadn't seen.

'For a while I felt depressed. I hated seeing all the adverts and sexy things on TV. I almost felt conned. Real life isn't like that at all. I regret what I did and wish it had never happened. It's like having a horrible secret.'

Rebecca Findlay, spokesperson for FPA, formerly the Family Planning Association, says: 'Young women face a lot of pressure to behave and look in a certain way from television, the internet and magazines.

'Sex is everywhere and it's used as a marketing tool. Young women think they should be having sex because they see it all around them.

They need to be able to understand that they can decide when it's right for them.

'A key problem is that there is no compulsory sex education in our schools.

'We need to give young women and men the tools to navigate their way through a highly sexually-charged society.'

Teachers' daughter Rosie Franklin, a 15-year-old pupil from Shrewsbury, is a member of the UK Youth Parliament, a group which represents youngsters aged 11 to 18 and campaigns for better sex education in schools.

Rosie believes she has remained a virgin partly because she can openly talk to her parents about sex. She also believes growing up in a happy, loving household has given her a natural confidence.

She says: 'Some girls have low self-esteem and I think this may encourage them to have sex at a younger age because it makes them feel wanted. It's a shame because boys typically don't respect girls who are easily available.

Rosie is convinced the quality of her school's sex education has helped both herself and her peers make informed choices.

'As well as teaching us about sex and contraception, our lessons cover subjects like one-night stands and why you shouldn't have sex at a party just because you've had a few drinks.'

'But this quality of education is not the same for every school. In the UK, sex education is not standardised. It's so different from school to school.'

It is clear that whatever the factors which determine who caves in to pressure to have sex and who doesn't, young girls in Britain today feel defined by their sexuality more than ever before. Perhaps it is filling an emotional gap left empty by increasingly problematic family relationships. Or perhaps the effects of an increasingly sexualised culture are finally taking their toll.

In the end, as these girls' stories show, it is impossible to blot out the memory of such experiences. It is the regret that is so tragic.

Three years after the night she lost her virginity in a tent, Clare Gibbons still agonises over why she felt compelled to do something that clearly wasn't right for her.

'I would do anything to turn the clock back and not to have had that experience,' she says. 'At 14, I thought I knew it all. Now I realise just how wrong I was.'


TOPICS: Culture/Society; Extended News; News/Current Events
KEYWORDS: abortion; abstinence; moralabsolutes; prolife; sexed; teensex
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The real problem is that abstinence is almost never taught in schools.
1 posted on 11/26/2006 10:21:48 AM PST by wagglebee
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To: cgk; Coleus; cpforlife.org; Mr. Silverback; narses

Pro-Life Ping


2 posted on 11/26/2006 10:22:31 AM PST by wagglebee ("We are ready for the greatest achievements in the history of freedom." -- President Bush, 1/20/05)
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To: 69ConvertibleFirebird; Alexander Rubin; An American In Dairyland; Antoninus; Aquinasfan; ...
Moral Absolutes Ping!

Freepmail wagglebee or little jeremiah to subscribe or unsubscribe from the moral absolutes ping list.

FreeRepublic moral absolutes keyword search
[ Add keyword moral absolutes to flag FR articles to this ping list ]


3 posted on 11/26/2006 10:23:00 AM PST by wagglebee ("We are ready for the greatest achievements in the history of freedom." -- President Bush, 1/20/05)
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To: wagglebee

I can't recall the name of the book...but I think some sociologist/demographer
wrote a book (with facts/figures) that showed that if young Americans
1. didn't have children before marriage
2. didn't get married before age 21
and
3. at least graduated from high school

(or some similar set of priorities)...
then their odds of ending up in poverty were
VERY low.

Bet that book isn't required reading in public schools!


4 posted on 11/26/2006 10:26:40 AM PST by VOA
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To: wagglebee
'I rang and told the boy but he said he didn't believe me. I could tell it was just his word against mine,' she says.

Obviously, neither has heard of DNA tests.

5 posted on 11/26/2006 10:27:42 AM PST by glorgau
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To: VOA

I read a Mona Charen book that covered that.

3 steps to avoiding poverty, I think it was.

1. Graduate high school
2. No children before marriage
3. Get a job, any job.

Follow those three steps and you will likely never live in poverty.


6 posted on 11/26/2006 10:34:38 AM PST by L98Fiero (Built to please and raised to rock.)
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To: VOA

"Bet that book isn't required reading in public schools!"

Of course it's not-after all, poverty is the result of "da man keepin' da brotha' man down", and everyone knows "da man" is a cruel heartless Republican/s;)


7 posted on 11/26/2006 10:38:16 AM PST by Frank_2001
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To: wagglebee
"'A key problem is that there is no compulsory sex education in our schools.

'We need to give young women and men the tools to navigate their way through a highly sexually-charged society.'


Typical liberal response—treat the symptom and not the disease. The root of the problem is the constant bombardment in TV and in print. This will never end until something is done there.
8 posted on 11/26/2006 10:41:27 AM PST by Windcatcher (Earth to libs: MARXISM DOESN'T SELL HERE. Try somewhere else.)
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To: wagglebee
the Government is failing to tackle the spiralling problem of under-age sex

Why is this a problem the GOVERNMENT should be tackling? When did it become Government's responsibility to control the sexual habits of its citizens? I see that as more a moral issue than a legal or legislative one.

9 posted on 11/26/2006 10:44:00 AM PST by IronJack (=)
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To: L98Fiero

Thanks for that tip on the Mona Charen book on the "how ot avoid poverty"
topic.

I'll need to track that down. My brother and his wife will need that
to help "infect" my niece with those concepts before she gets in
her teens!


10 posted on 11/26/2006 10:46:32 AM PST by VOA
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To: IronJack

I agree. The UK is a great example of why the welfare/nanny state WILL NEVER work and in fact destroys the moral fabric of society.


11 posted on 11/26/2006 10:50:40 AM PST by wagglebee ("We are ready for the greatest achievements in the history of freedom." -- President Bush, 1/20/05)
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To: wagglebee

This is sad but it happens. There was a lot of emphasis on waiting but what concerned me the most was how twice abortion was casually mentioned without using the word. Kids used to be taught that when you make a baby you grow up and work and take care of the child. Now it's like they make mistakes that get "fixed" for them and continue in a child role.If kids want the rights of adulthood then parents should make sure live up to the responsibilities also IMO.


12 posted on 11/26/2006 10:58:29 AM PST by CindyDawg
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To: VOA

That book is titled "Do-Gooders - How Liberals hurt those they claim to help (And the rest of us)". It's pretty good.


13 posted on 11/26/2006 10:59:39 AM PST by L98Fiero (Built to please and raised to rock.)
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To: wagglebee

I think it would be better to be taught in the home. Why is it the schools responsibility?


14 posted on 11/26/2006 11:02:59 AM PST by Long Island Pete
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To: CindyDawg

The left seems to avoid using the word abortion whenever possible. They would prefer that society see "termination" of a pregnancy as a woman's option that should be given even less consideration than hairstyle.


15 posted on 11/26/2006 11:03:16 AM PST by wagglebee ("We are ready for the greatest achievements in the history of freedom." -- President Bush, 1/20/05)
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To: Long Island Pete

I think abstinence should be taught at home and it should be the only thing taught in schools (unless not teaching anything in schools can be avoided).


16 posted on 11/26/2006 11:05:27 AM PST by wagglebee ("We are ready for the greatest achievements in the history of freedom." -- President Bush, 1/20/05)
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To: wagglebee
Uh huh. You know, this is going to happen but mothers need to toughen up IMO. Know where your daughters are. Don't let them be going to unchaperoned beach parties and in their boy friend's bedroom. They may still get in trouble but don't make it easy.
17 posted on 11/26/2006 11:07:53 AM PST by CindyDawg
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To: Long Island Pete
I think it would be better to be taught in the home. Why is it the schools responsibility?

Precisely because it isn't being taught at home sufficiently and is creating an enormous societal cost. The schools are also the vehicles by which most of these socially destructive behaviors are being taught and facilitated.

18 posted on 11/26/2006 11:09:18 AM PST by Ronaldus Magnus
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To: wagglebee

"'A key problem is that there is no compulsory sex education in our schools.

'We need to give young women and men the tools to navigate their way through a highly sexually-charged society.'"

Yeah, this makes sense if you belong to the Church of the Multiple Orgasm. I teach high school students, and no offense to any of my students, but even with the best tools available most of my students wouldn't have the ability to make the right decisions needed for a sane, reasonable sex life. Teenagers don't have what it takes to make a rational risk analysis.

This article outlines in semipornographic detail the sex lives of junior high girls, complete with remorse, drinking, statuatory rape, and the chance for catching an STD - and the writer leads us to people who argue for "better tools" for young people.

If the "sex is OK" people are really in favor of what they say, why not give kids a motel room, a carafe of white wine, a hot tub, and a copy of the Kama Sutra (one with pictures, in case they haven't learned how to read)? How about bringing the boys to a prostitute?

If this article isn't an argument in favor of abstinance and monogamy, nothing is.


19 posted on 11/26/2006 11:12:27 AM PST by redpoll (redpoll)
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To: wagglebee
Sad...... I vaguely remember the difference on how girls/women acted in relation to guys ranging from Middle School to College. In Middle School, they seem outgoing, friendly and even so in H.S. but college, it gets colder.... This would be the core problem. Being the nonbeliever at the time, didn't make the connection but being a believer, the connection is made. One guy at my church is doing something called "Courting" versus dating. He is about 19 or 20 years old. I remembered him since he was 13, nice kid, very wise and straight head on his shoulders.

In today's "modern" world, the boys need to be taught respect and to wait until marriage, the girls should be taught self respect. Also, opportunities for sexual behavior need to be reduced/eliminated.
20 posted on 11/26/2006 11:21:25 AM PST by CORedneck
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