Posted on 11/26/2006 5:02:22 AM PST by shrinkermd
....More American women than ever are putting motherhood before matrimony. New data released by the Centers for Disease Control show that nearly four in 10 U.S. babies were born outside of marriage in 2005—a new high. These unwed moms aren't all teens—last year teen pregnancies fell to their lowest levels in 65 years. Some—like 44-year-old Mary Lee MacKichan, who used a gay friend as a sperm donor—are professional, older women who want to have babies before their biological clocks run out, but most are low-income twentysomethings. (Unwed births among 30- to 44-year-olds are up 17 percent since 1991; among those 25 to 29, they're up 30 percent.) And some 40 percent of those moms aren't going it alone—they're cohabiting, at least for a while. That's creating a major shift in what a generation of children are coming to call a family. "Marriage is still alive and well, but it has a lot of competition," says Wellesley College sociologist Rosanna Hertz, author of "Single by Chance, Mothers by Choice."
Ironically, sociologists say, marriage may be on the decline precisely because it has become so idealized. People expect more from marriage than they did a century ago, when it was mainly a practical arrangement to provide financial stability for women and a place to raise children. "Now it's not only love and romance but also self-fulfillment and personal growth," says Pamela Smock, professor of sociology at the University of Michigan. Since there's no longer much of a stigma attached to getting pregnant outside of marriage, many couples have replaced "shotgun weddings" with "shotgun cohabitations
(Excerpt) Read more at msnbc.msn.com ...
I never said I measured a man by the size of his wallet. That's what you keep asserting but its not true. I said women look for security and protection. I also looked for a man who would keep intellectually stimulated. I found one.
"I said women look for security and protection."
And income is excluded from the above??? What color is the sky in your world??
There's more than just one component included in security.
I'm sure. God forbid they work at Jiffy Lube or fix toilets. The horror!
The belief he'll always put you first, you mean the whole world to him, and that he will always be able to take of you.
BTW, my brother in law is an auto mechanic and easily makes over a hundred grand a year. Yes, he is that good.
Because as a matter of evolution, girls don't want guys who make significantly less than them...
An enlisted soldier is pretty far down the pecking order in our society despite the rhetoric honoring their service. Now, I'm not saying this is a good thing but it is current reality. Women have _always_ married up, a behavior ingraved by evolution.
"Disgusting sentiments but seeing that you're quite the snob, not surprising in the least."
I'm just pointing out the obvious; I don't have anything in common with a guy who works in a low skill job. Why would I go out with one...
"Tell me, what's your opinion of those Marines and soldiers out on patrol in Baghdad right now? Most of them don't have college degrees."
I'd hope that most of them are working on their college degrees or are going to get their degrees after they leave. It's subsidized by the U.S. army, so it would be not smart not to...
"Most of them don't have college degrees. They all get paid squat. Judging from your comments and attitude you wouldn't even give them the time of day; guys who exhibit bravery, courage and patriotism on a daily basis. But since their pay checks don't have enough zeros, they suck. Perhaps its a blessing in disguise though. Would they so readily put their lives on line knowing it was for women like you who thought so low of them?"
Yes and I admire them for it... That doesn't mean that I want to date them however. If I went out with a soldier especially an enlisted man, I'd probably have nothing in common with him. I don't know many Army guys who enjoy wine tasting, art museums, and political lectures, all hobbies of mine. And I really don't enjoy camping or watching football (except perhaps watching Notre Dame lose). Moreover, I do want a man who contributes to the household; I'm sorry that's the way things are. I'm sure that soldiers are "prime catches" for another catch of girls, but for those of us working toward our graduate degrees, they really are not our type...
A carrier woman is not and "ideal parent". Far from it.
And all that "life experience" at collage and her carrier means exactly jack when it comes to raising kids.
And if you think that "more money" translates in any fashion into "better parent", I pray you never have kids.
Oh, there's many posters here who are against women getting college degrees and having jobs.
Why thank you :)
It's strange that folks have such a hard time accepting the basic fact that people, in general, seek partners who share their outlook on life.
Your attitude is matched only by your ignorance and self centeredness. Where to begin?
"I don't have anything in common with a guy who works in a low skill job."
Yeah. Operating and repairing 21st century military technology sure is simple. Why, any idiot off the street can do it. And doing it all under fire is a breeze. (sarcasm off) Something tells me even a little Miss Perfect with an MBA such as yourself wouldn't be able to perform even close to what those "losers" who signed can. But what does that matter? You already know soooo much about our armed forces and how they're populated by the brain dead.
"If I went out with a soldier especially an enlisted man, I'd probably have nothing in common with him. I don't know many Army guys who enjoy wine tasting, art museums, and political lectures, all hobbies of mine. And I really don't enjoy camping or watching football"
More idiotic generalizations. Tell me, have you even MET anyone from the military? Judging from the snide tone, I somehow doubt it. Those who serve are broad cross section of this country and are diverse both in ethnicities, education levels and their interests. But to certain schmucks, those in uniform are just a bunch of red neck sports fan hollerin for more beers who can barely read.
"those of us working toward our graduate degrees, they really are not our type"
With a pompous odor like that, how could ANY guy pass YOU up - rolls eyes -
Both my wife and I have Ph. D. degrees in the physical sciences. Initially, we had the vision of dual large salaries. The birth of our first son changed that. After carrying our son for nine months, my wife decided she really didn't want "someone else" raising her children and wanted to be a homemaker while they were small. I fully supported her desire. Because of our educational choices, we were able to support our family on a single income. Note - I could have had more and larger "toys" that we men often desire if my wife had focused on her career. I am glad we made the choice to forgo the toys and focus on our family.
After our children were in high school my wife desired to return to her career. Sadly, in too many fields it is very difficult for a woman to take an extended 'leave of absence' and return. In my wife's case, teaching was a viable option after several years as a homemaker. Her income in no way fully reflects her education and ability but she sees that she is making a difference in her students' lives and we have what we need. I both acknowledge and appreciate the sacrifices she made for our family -- and the positive consequences of her choices.
One key to our happiness is a mutual commitment to our marriage. Life definitely has it "ups" and "downs" and we both find it much better to face the challenges together, rather than alone. Successes are sweeter with a mate to share in them. Failures are less bitter with a mate for comfort.
I would also point out that I would not have wanted to raise our two children as a single father. Children know how to "push" their parents' "buttons," and will exasperate anyone. When one of us was nearing our wits end, the other would step in. The result is that we have raised two young adults who are finishing graduate level programs. Higher education by a woman is never "wasted" - even if she decides to be a full time homemaker. One never knows exactly how she will use it and whom it will benefit down the line.
I suspect if one totals the effect of each of my wife's and my education over our lifetimes, it is quite possible that she will have more influence through the investment in the education of our children (we home schooled from grades 3-8) and her current students than I have had in my career as a research scientist, despite my larger integrated income. Monetary compensation is NOT the ultimate standard from which to judge success.
I'd be looking in the mirror myself in relation to the attitude department. When a girl says she wants security you automatically assumed it was $$$.
..."however, I do believe that they need to have a back up plan so that they're not screwed if their husband dies or divorces them... Which is why I feel sorry for women who don't take the time to at least get a college degree in a practical field before getting married."
Heh, I wonder if that's why I have such distaste for girls who go to places like Stanford and then get their $100k MRS degrees in English Lit. At least if they went to finishing school, they'd be honest about their intentions, and learn some related useful skills.
I'm sorry, but I respect military guys and have even been out with a few. However, I wouldn't marry one... I don't have anything in common with an enlisted guy... Nada. I'm sure that there's lots of nice lower middle class girls out there who consider military guys a catch though... So don't get cranky at the upper middle girls who don't??? Why would you want the enlisted guys to be stuck with girls that they have nothing in common with???
LOL... I agree with you there.
Excellent post, thanks for sharing that. Your wife sounds like a very smart lady, I hope to follow in her footsteps soon!
It also sounds like she very lucky to be married to a guy like you!
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