Posted on 11/22/2006 7:02:40 AM PST by shrinkermd
"...The problem: Americans, as a whole, have lost touch with the ritual of the shared homemade meal. Although we eat at home a lot, the food often is from restaurants or the prepared foods section of the grocery store. Families eat in shifts and leave the television on. The sandwich has become the most popular dinner entree...
... The day is so emotionally charged that Ms. Loulan is only half-joking when she suggests a potentially lucrative line for her practice: the dysfunctional family Thanksgiving chat room, an online marathon therapy session...
...For thousands of years communal meals have been a key to building cultures. So relax and take the long view, he advises. Thanksgiving is just one more meal, and a bad one isn’t going to make or break civilization.
Besides, historians have recently concluded that the premise of Thanksgiving might be a lie.
“It turns out,” he said, “that the Indians were not so forthcoming, and the Pilgrims were not so grateful.”
(Excerpt) Read more at nytimes.com ...
Can't these people just give it a rest? Must the destruction of our culture proceed 24/7?
I'm convinced most people move to NY to escape reality or their family. Thus, NO THANKSGIVING. They have nothing to be thankful for because they don't even like themselves.
Most of the disaffected people in New York seem to be robots or in deep depression running from their roots (if there were any to begin with).
I wonder if they have ever known what having affection especially within families actually is.
Their great Christmas parade honoring blow up plastic cartoons seems to say it all. (Excuse me: Holiday parade?)
No wonder people need anti-depressants these days. They just will not allow us to have anything left to enjoy or believe in that is positive.
LOL!!!
Besides, historians have recently concluded that the premise of Thanksgiving might be a lie. “It turns out,” he said, “that the Indians were not so forthcoming, and the Pilgrims were not so grateful.”
Typical liberal, the author spent the whole article telling us how to quelch holiday tensions then starts a fire themselves without any facts to back up their statement.
Could be their families just suck. One of the reasons I enjoy the holiday season now is that I've broken with the family tradition of having huge screaming arguments every major holiday, my method of breaking with that tradition was to make sure the ammount of time I spend with family on the holidays is somewhere between almost none and zero. My family is vaguely tolerable outside the holidays, but completely horrid during any holiday.
My sympathy discostu....
I have no family near for any major holiday and would welcome even the screaming - just to belong again to a group.
But I see your point. Nevertheless there are numerous substitutes for holiday pleasure: Being good to yourself and doing some things which you don't usually have time for... Being with people who really matter to you.... Finding a great book you didn't have time for during the year.... or a good movie....
Honesty in one's celebration can give comfort and joy too - even if it is a solo flight.
A Blessed Thanksgiving To All the FR Folk!
"For thousands of years communal meals have been a key to building cultures. "
I sincerely doubt that.
I thuroughly nejoy the holidays now. I relax with the wife (whose family isn't much better behaved) and enjoy life. For Thanksgiving we generally get a lot of pizza the night before and I have leftover pizza (let's face it, leftovers are the best part of Thanksgiving) maybe a couple of beers and watch lots of football. For Christmas we've begun enjoy "the traditional Jewish Christmas dinner" as a friend of mine describes it, that's Chinese food for any of you folks that don't know any Jews to explain that one to you (we've got a very nice dim sum restaraunt in town) and maybe go see a non-Christmassy movie (Beavis and Butthead do America was our first Christmas day movie).
We have our fun, we don't argue, and most importantly we don't try to make the days special. I've noticed in families that have sucky holidays the common element seems to be obsession with making the days special. Gathering together with loved ones to relax and chat is special on its own, but when people obsess on on making the day special they add all kinds of pressure and usually want to have some sort of group activity, and somebody in the group always doesn't like that activity, and then things get tense and loud and no fun. I guess that's my big piece of advice for the holidays, don't try to make them special, just let them be special.
I have no family near for any major holiday and would welcome even the screaming - just to belong again to a group.
You do belong to a huge group that is family and that is your FRiends at FREEPERS. We do everything that a family can possibly do...support each other, bicker with each other, prayer for one another, teach one another and just be there for one another. Don't ever worry that you are not part of a family and great group because YOU ARE and I am glad that you are!!!!!
Happy Thanksgiving FRiend!!!!!
Sounds like an alcoholic family pattern. I'm not pointing fingers. I recognize it because I've lived it in my own family!
I've found as you have that the less interaction with family, the happier I am. I remember what a Guidance Counselor in school said to me once - the most valuable thing he ever said. "You can pick your friends; unfortunately, you cannot pick your family." I shot back, "Yeah, well I can choose to avoid family like the plague."
Age brings wisdom and I'm getting better at choosing healthy friends, and avoiding unhealthy family members.
That was a really nice reply. You cheered me up with it and I didn't think you'd catch me in that paragraph but you managed. Thanks.
Happy Thanksgivng, FRiend.
In my family it's too many alphas (mostly alpha-females). Many members want to be in charge, and part of wanting to be in charge is of course demonstrating that the other people trying to be in charge are wrong and should never be in charge. It would probably be better if it were alcoholism related, because then if the right people quit drinking things would get better, alphas never quit their alphaness.
But we grow and we learn. I've learned holidays don't have to involve arguments, my family has learned that holidays don't have to involve me, and when I do chose to spend time with them (away from the holidays, and in small groups so various existing grudgelines don't get crossed) we get along great.
It's taken me nearly 50 years to come to terms with the "holidays." I'm getting closer to what I've always thought....why make ONE day special.....when you can make SPECIAL DAYS 365 days of the year? I've learned not to place a lot of significance on just ONE day....because....it can be so disappointing. Have a great Thanksgiving.....all year long..... :>)
Dear Naps
Thank you so much - FR has no idea how long I have "haunted the halls" reading people - learning from all of you and I feel quite comfortable having any holiday or regular day made more special for me by just opening up FR.
May your Thanksgiving Day be very special for you.
You like Chinese Food at Christmas too?
For years I have suffered through the traditions feeling like we were all in a play at some local theater group...
When I found myself alone at Christmas I started ordering Chinese from my favorite one in my town - and I ordered all the things I loved ... sometimes I have to throw away what I can't eat because I order far too much.... but it's a great way to have a tradition of my own.
Yay for Chinese (or any other food one loves)....
I tend to honor Christmas now by enjoying what I do to give and share and then spend my own day giving to myself.
I hear ya. For most of my life I lived in Nova Scotia where my only relatives were my parents. Through a series of events, however, when my father got ill and passed away I ended up living in Hamilton, Ontario, where all my father's family lives. So now we get to spend some time with them all every Christmas. I really much preferred Xmas with my parents and family friends to these relatives that I really have little in common with.
Part of it is that I enjoy eating out for Christmas, and Christmas day restaurant picking tend to be slim consisting basically of Dennys, Hometown Buffet and some oriental places. Dennys and Hometown Buffet have pretty bad food to start with and really a holiday meal deserves better. Dim sum is kind of an expensive hobby, which makes it a good special occasion food, so that's where we head for Christmas.
I think a lot of people get Norman Rockwell-itis during the holidays, trying to make their life match his paintings. Which is especially silly down here in the sunbelt, expected high tomorrow is 79, it was 82 last Christmas, not an environment condusive to replicating Rockwell holiday paintings.
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