Dear Sun Tzu:
I have a problem. I am currently on foot patrol and there are these mean gang members who constantly shoot at me and otherwise make me nervous and upset. My bullet proof vest is starting to show signs of wear and tear and I am afraid that someday I might acutally have to remove my less than lethal weapon from my holster and cause pain to one of these poor young men.
How can I stop them from shooting at me. Should I offer them candy? If I asked them really nice to stop shooting at me do you think that might help? Most of the time all I am able to do under our current rules of engagement is to duck and run and then call for backup, who usually come and duck and run alongside me.
Again this is becoming a serious problem. I don't want to cause any pain to these people as it might cause me to lose my job and it might turn these fine young men into millionaires and what good would that do if they don't share their wealth with me.
What do you suggest.
LA Cop.
Most Dear LA Cop,
Sun Tzu will now throw secret Pearls of Wisdom at your tired foot patrol feet.
Sun Tzu regret to inform you that you live in Liberal Mecca of People's Republic of California. And, sad to say, Liberal theology spreading rapidly from Sea to Shining Sea. As evidenced by ningcompoops on thread.
But, be of light heart, take one of the shining paths that I am about to show you.
Sun Tzu say, path number one: "You takie Fire Dept. Test." Everybody love Fire Dept.
Path number two: "Study for Federal Law Enforcement job, where you will not have to deal with mean gang member and they show you ancient self-defense secrets, such as the highly effective 'goose-neck' to the wrist.'
Finally grasshopper, come to my secret school, where you will learn the ways of Neo in 'The Matrix' and you will be able to dodge nasty bullets, pluck the weapons from your enemies goose-necked hand and replace it with the Golden crack pipe.
Once gang member have golden crack pipe he can move out of Socialist Democrat 'hood and into Socialist Democrat Politician 'hood.
Then my LA Cop friend, things will change very quickly.
Peace out. Sun Shizzle Tzu
Now Sun Tzu must go cook up a mess 'o Lake Erie Yellow Perch.