A Liberal's Pledge to Disheartened Conservatives

I know you are dismayed and disheartened at the results of last week's election. You're worried that the country is heading toward a very bad place you don't want it to go. Your 12-year Republican Revolution has ended with so much yet to do, so many promises left unfulfilled. You are in a funk, and I understand.

Well, cheer up, my friends! Do not despair. I have good news for you. I, and the millions of others who are now in charge with our Democratic Congress, have a pledge we would like to make to you, a list of promises that we offer you because we value you as our fellow Americans. You deserve to know what we plan to do with our newfound power -- and, to be specific, what we will do to you and for you.

1. We will always respect you for your conservative beliefs. We will never, ever, call you "unpatriotic" simply because you disagree with us. In fact, we encourage you to dissent and disagree with us.

2. We will let you marry whomever you want, even when some of us consider your behavior to be "different" or "immoral." Who you marry is none of our business. Love and be in love -- it's a wonderful gift.

3. We will not spend your grandchildren's money on our personal whims or to enrich our friends. It's your checkbook, too, and we will balance it for you.

4. When we soon bring our sons and daughters home from Iraq, we will bring your sons and daughters home, too. They deserve to live. We promise never to send your kids off to war based on either a mistake or a lie.

5. When we make America the last Western democracy to have universal health coverage, and all Americans are able to get help when they fall ill, we promise that you, too, will be able to see a doctor, regardless of your ability to pay. And when stem cell research delivers treatments and cures for diseases that affect you and your loved ones, we'll make sure those advances are available to you and your family, too.

6. Even though you have opposed environmental regulation, when we clean up our air and water, we, the Democratic majority, will let you, too, breathe the cleaner air and drink the purer water.

7. Should a mass murderer ever kill 3,000 people on our soil, we will devote every single resource to tracking him down and bringing him to justice. Immediately. We will protect you.

8. We will never stick our nose in your bedroom or your womb. What you do there as consenting adults is your business. We will continue to count your age from the moment you were born, not the moment you were conceived.

9. We will not take away your hunting guns. If you need an automatic weapon or a handgun to kill a bird or a deer, then you really aren't much of a hunter and you should, perhaps, pick up another sport. We will make our streets and schools as free as we can from these weapons and we will protect your children just as we would protect ours.

10. When we raise the minimum wage, we will pay you -- and your employees -- that new wage, too. When women are finally paid what men make, we will pay conservative women that wage, too.

11. We will respect your religious beliefs, even when you don't put those beliefs into practice. In fact, we will actively seek to promote your most radical religious beliefs ("Blessed are the poor," "Blessed are the peacemakers," "Love your enemies," "It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God," and "Whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me."). We will let people in other countries know that God doesn't just bless America, he blesses everyone. We will discourage religious intolerance and fanaticism -- starting with the fanaticism here at home, thus setting a good example for the rest of the world.

12. We will not tolerate politicians who are corrupt and who are bought and paid for by the rich. We will go after any elected leader who puts him or herself ahead of the people. And we promise you we will go after the corrupt politicians on our side FIRST. If we fail to do this, we need you to call us on it. Simply because we are in power does not give us the right to turn our heads the other way when our party goes astray. Please perform this important duty as the loyal opposition.

I promise all of the above to you because this is your country, too. You are every bit as American as we are. We are all in this together. We sink or swim as one. Thank you for your years of service to this country and for giving us the opportunity to see if we can make things a bit better for our 300 million fellow Americans -- and for the rest of the world.

1. We will always respect you for your conservative beliefs. We will never, ever, call you "unpatriotic" simply because you disagree with us. In fact, we encourage you to dissent and disagree with us.

Even after you label me a fascist for simply being conservative and call for my death?

2. We will let you marry whomever you want, even when some of us consider your behavior to be "different" or "immoral." Who you marry is none of our business. Love and be in love -- it's a wonderful gift.

So you condone me marrying my hamster? What about NAMBLA sickos marrying 6-year old boys?

3. We will not spend your grandchildren's money on our personal whims or to enrich our friends. It's your checkbook, too, and we will balance it for you.

No, but you will gleefully steal my money and hand it out in spades to illegals and people who refuse to work.

4. When we soon bring our sons and daughters home from Iraq, we will bring your sons and daughters home, too. They deserve to live. We promise never to send your kids off to war based on either a mistake or a lie.

You will also bring a wave of raging ME lunatics with IEDs back to this country, go cowering into the corner with a white flag, and look to brave, patriotic conservatives to save your worthless behind AGAIN.

5. When we make America the last Western democracy to have universal health coverage, and all Americans are able to get help when they fall ill, we promise that you, too, will be able to see a doctor, regardless of your ability to pay. And when stem cell research delivers treatments and cures for diseases that affect you and your loved ones, we'll make sure those advances are available to you and your family, too.

Say what you really think, as in "able to see a doctor, regardless of your refusal to pay." How much health care theft by illegal aliens is enough? Regarding stem cell research, you no doubt mean to say "embryonic stem cell research", because you have no problem with murdering infants, no matter how worthless that embryonic stem cell research is proved to be. But, wait, what's that you say? Oh, it's for a good cause...

6. Even though you have opposed environmental regulation, when we clean up our air and water, we, the Democratic majority, will let you, too, breathe the cleaner air and drink the purer water.

U.S. air and water are pristine compared to one hundred years ago. Try living in China sometime.

7. Should a mass murderer ever kill 3,000 people on our soil, we will devote every single resource to tracking him down and bringing him to justice. Immediately. We will protect you.

A liberal will protect me? That's a good one. Will it be before or after you make it illegal for our law enforcement and military to hunt the killers down? Before or after you take away guns from the citizenry and leave us defenseless? Just like you "protected" millions of people slaughtered in Vietnam after you cut and run...

8. We will never stick our nose in your bedroom or your womb. What you do there as consenting adults is your business. We will continue to count your age from the moment you were born, not the moment you were conceived.

Really? You have no hesitation about sticking a knife in a womb, no matter what week of pregnancy, just so you can butcher a human being for embryonic stem cells. By counting us, do you mean branding us with a serial number (maybe on the arm somewhere)?

9. We will not take away your hunting guns. If you need an automatic weapon or a handgun to kill a bird or a deer, then you really aren't much of a hunter and you should, perhaps, pick up another sport. We will make our streets and schools as free as we can from these weapons and we will protect your children just as we would protect ours.

I see. So define "automatic" weapon. I can hardly wait to hear the answer. Here's a thought for you. Why not keep our schools and streets safe from murderous thugs instead of safe "from these weapons". I might not need a handgun to kill a bird or deer, but I do need one to defend myself and maybe kill the perp after you lobotomize our police in the name of "safety".

10. When we raise the minimum wage, we will pay you -- and your employees -- that new wage, too. When women are finally paid what men make, we will pay conservative women that wage, too.

You mean people will be paid welfare checks after they get laid off because employer overhead gets too high. All of the studies that I have read for years say that women are paid on par with, and in some cases more, than their male counterparts for the same hours worked. How does liberal math work?

11. We will respect your religious beliefs, even when you don't put those beliefs into practice. In fact, we will actively seek to promote your most radical religious beliefs ("Blessed are the poor," "Blessed are the peacemakers," "Love your enemies," "It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God," and "Whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me."). We will let people in other countries know that God doesn't just bless America, he blesses everyone. We will discourage religious intolerance and fanaticism -- starting with the fanaticism here at home, thus setting a good example for the rest of the world.

Right. As long as the word "Christian" has nothing to do with the religion in question. The "Christians" deserve public crucifixion, right? Let me guess, promoting "your most radical religious beliefs" means that murder bombing and beheading in the name of Islam are protected religious practices in your eyes, right? As long as none of those despicable Christians are going about their normal lives, being productive, and spreading Jesus' good word. Nope. We will have none of that Christian hate speech in a liberal-run U.S.

12. We will not tolerate politicians who are corrupt and who are bought and paid for by the rich. We will go after any elected leader who puts him or herself ahead of the people. And we promise you we will go after the corrupt politicians on our side FIRST. If we fail to do this, we need you to call us on it. Simply because we are in power does not give us the right to turn our heads the other way when our party goes astray. Please perform this important duty as the loyal opposition.

Great. So who is going to run Congress after you apply those principles and boot 90% of the Democrats out of office?

A FReeper's response to liberal liars and their fictitious pledges:

Dear Michael Moore,

I, and my fellow FReepers, hereby make these responses to your inane “promises”:

1. We will always respect you for your conservative beliefs. We will never, ever, call you "unpatriotic" simply because you disagree with us. In fact, we encourage you to dissent and disagree with us.	OK, so does that mean you will quit calling us “Nazis” or “liars” or “racists” simply because you disagree with us? Will you tolerate our opposing viewpoints on college campuses, or will you continue to try to squelch our voice through your “speech codes” that label beliefs you oppose as “hate speech”
2. We will let you marry whomever you want, even when some of us consider your behavior to be "different" or "immoral." Who you marry is none of our business. Love and be in love -- it's a wonderful gift.	We have never asked for the institution of marriage to be redefined. Are you ready to extend this idea of “letting people marry whoever they want” to include multiple spouses, or their pets, or brothers and sisters? If not, why not?
3. We will not spend your grandchildren's money on our personal whims or to enrich our friends. It's your checkbook, too, and we will balance it for you.	Really? You’ve been raiding surplus social security funds for the general budget for the last 40 years (back when liberal democrats were in control). The checkbook analogy is cute, but given the bipartisan congressional checkbook scandal of the late 80’s and early 90’s (let’s see, who controlled both houses of congress then?) don’t be offended if we take your offer to “balance it for us” with a large helping of salt.
4. When we soon bring our sons and daughters home from Iraq, we will bring your sons and daughters home, too. They deserve to live. We promise never to send your kids off to war based on either a mistake or a lie.	You democrats are great at cutting and running and then claiming it is to “bring our sons and daughters home” even if you have to engage in a little bit of slanderous lying about them to turn public opinion against the mission in the first place. As for a war based on a mistake or a lie, we are not in one of those. (And you know it, but you continue to trot out that false canard because you are a congenital LIAR.) The biggest mistake was in allowing Saddam to send truckloads of materials into Syria which were then transported into Lebanon during the endless one-more-last-chances we kept giving him before finally enforcing the regime-change policy in Iraq.
5. When we make America the last Western democracy to have universal health coverage, and all Americans are able to get help when they fall ill, we promise that you, too, will be able to see a doctor, regardless of your ability to pay. And when stem cell research delivers treatments and cures for diseases that affect you and your loved ones, we'll make sure those advances are available to you and your family, too.	We will continue to fight to preserve the most innovative and economically free system of medical research and health care delivery in the world so that our people won’t have to try to find some other health care system (like people in those democracies with universal health coverage have to) for treatment rather than dying while awaiting the bureaucratic rationing that is common to every socialized healthcare system in the world. And stem cell research has already delivered treatments and cures for diseases without the need for creating and destroying human embryos in the process. So we will continue to support the use of adult and umbilical cord blood stem cells for the most promising areas of research.
6. Even though you have opposed environmental regulation, when we clean up our air and water, we, the Democratic majority, will let you, too, breathe the cleaner air and drink the purer water.	Even if you have to pollute the air and water in order to be able to clean it up. Thanks. And you will continue to promulgate regulations that prevent expansions of power plants that would actually reduce pollution and increase efficiency and capacity because the regulations require reworking the entire plant rather than applying the higher standards only to the expanded part. This is a big reason why we haven’t expanded our power grid and why the left coast and Midwest experience power shortages in the summer months.
7. Should a mass murderer ever kill 3,000 people on our soil, we will devote every single resource to tracking him down and bringing him to justice. Immediately. We will protect you.	Are you talking about Osama, Michael? Your boy clinton had a chance to have him on a silver platter and turned it down. And his plant on the 9/11 commission, Jamie Gorelick, was the chief architect of the “wall” that prevented sharing of information prior that might have detected and prevented the attack. But we will continue to use every available method to detect and prevent these attacks rather than waiting for the next one. Of course we have to do this over the opposition of you and your fellow travelers who want to extend privacy protections to foreign nationals and known terrorists when they make phone calls or financial transfers into and out of the country. Come to think of it, I prefer our method of protection that seeks to prevent the attacks over one that prefers to call in the CSI team after the attack and treat it as an issue for the criminal court system rather than an act of undeclared war on the U.S.
8. We will never stick our nose in your bedroom or your womb. What you do there as consenting adults is your business. We will continue to count your age from the moment you were born, not the moment you were conceived.	Trust us that we don’t want to go anywhere near your bedroom Michael. We don’t care what you do in your bedroom either. We also don’t want you inviting our children into your bedroom, trying to recruit them into activities for which they are not emotionally ready to handle, and we sure don’t want you taking our daughters to get abortions without our knowledge or consent after the faulty information and birth-control products that you gave them, along with inadequate information about reasons they should delay sexual activity, results in teenage pregnancies. And by the way, I would prefer that the rights of my children and future grandchildren are protected while they are still in their mother’s wombs. (the same way the rights of a bald eagle or other protected birds are protected before they hatch.)
9. We will not take away your hunting guns. If you need an automatic weapon or a handgun to kill a bird or a deer, then you really aren't much of a hunter and you should, perhaps, pick up another sport. We will make our streets and schools as free as we can from these weapons and we will protect your children just as we would protect ours.	Non-sequitors about hunting guns are irrelevant Michael. Where do you find anything in the second amendment about hunting? Too many big words with esoteric meaning in there for you? Maybe it is the unusual sentence structure that confuses you. The key words in the amendment are as follows: “the right of the people to keep and bear arms shall not be infringed.” The right to keep and bear arms is about security, not hunting. Your efforts to make our streets and schools as free as we can from these weapons haven’t protected anybody but the armed thugs who come in and murder the children. All you and your policies can accomplish is turn people in as many locations as possible into a bunch of unarmed victims.
10. When we raise the minimum wage, we will pay you -- and your employees -- that new wage, too. When women are finally paid what men make, we will pay conservative women that wage, too.	Our conservative women know that they can make choices that determine whether they are paid less than, equal to, or more than men for various vocations. They enjoy the freedom to make those decisions about whether or when to get married, have children, stay home and nurture their children, etc. and they readily accept the market assessment of wages and salaries commensurate with those decisions without bitching about it. Most conservative women are also smart enough to know that raising the minimum wage has no impact except when it results in cost-push inflation and increased unemployment, with unskilled and teenage workers hardest hit. It is nice of you to promote a policy that will have a disproportionate negative impact on the constituencies of undereducated and unskilled laborers who tend to vote democrat. Will you also take credit for destroying their jobs?
11. We will respect your religious beliefs, even when you don't put those beliefs into practice. In fact, we will actively seek to promote your most radical religious beliefs ("Blessed are the poor," "Blessed are the peacemakers," "Love your enemies," "It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God," and "Whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me."). We will let people in other countries know that God doesn't just bless America, he blesses everyone. We will discourage religious intolerance and fanaticism -- starting with the fanaticism here at home, thus setting a good example for the rest of the world.	So, are you saying you will try to impose these quotations of Christ (I note that you are rather selective in the ones you chose) through governmental action? Sounds kind of like a violation of that whole “separation of church and state” thing that you usually try to insert into the Constitution. As for respecting our beliefs, does that mean you will quit making asinine comments about evangelical Christianity being like the Taliban? (You really need to talk to your twin sister Rosie about that.) I’m glad to hear that you and your fellow democrats are pledging to work on your religious intolerance, because the way you people vilify Christians was really starting to irk me. In fact, it would be nice once in a while to hear some of you voice even a fraction of the animosity and hatred you have expressed against evangelical Christians in the form of a mild criticism of the Islamofacists that want to destroy Israel and who call us “The Great Satan”.
12. We will not tolerate politicians who are corrupt and who are bought and paid for by the rich. We will go after any elected leader who puts him or herself ahead of the people. And we promise you we will go after the corrupt politicians on our side FIRST. If we fail to do this, we need you to call us on it. Simply because we are in power does not give us the right to turn our heads the other way when our party goes astray. Please perform this important duty as the loyal opposition.	You asked us to call you on it, so consider yourself called: · Harry Reid – Directed earmarked federal funds to build a bridge near property he owns, increasing its value. This corrupt senator is about to be the majority leader. · Alcee Hastings – Impeached and removed from federal judiciary for bribery. This corrupt judge should not even be eligible to serve in Congress, yet he is poised to be the next chairman of the House Intelligence Committee. · John Murtha – involved in Abscam bribery as an “unindicted co-conspirator” and directed tens of millions of dollars in earmarked federal appropriations to campaign contributors. Has consistently opposed ethics and earmark reforms. Designated by the liberal watchdog group CREW as one of the twenty most corrupt representatives in the house. Poised to become House Majority Leader with the support of Nancy “Culture of Corruption” Pelosi. · William Jefferson – accepted money from an executive who was convicted of bribery. FBI found $90,000 cash hidden in Jefferson’s freezer. Democrat voters continue to reelect these corrupt officials in spite of (or perhaps because of) their corruption. Democrat politicians circle the wagons and defend them during and after investigations. We’ll eagerly anticipate the democrat initiative in cleaning up the corruption on the left side of the aisle. Oh and when do the democrats plan to even adopt an ethics rule of their own that would require leadership posts to be surrendered upon being indicted of a crime – you know, like the one that the GOP considered changing last year when ultra-liberal and partisan DA Ronnie Pearle went grand jury shopping until he could finally get 12 people in liberal Austin with the chutzpah to submit the politically motivated and trumped-up charges against Tom Delay?

1. We will always respect you for your conservative beliefs. We will never, ever, call you "unpatriotic" simply because you disagree with us. In fact, we encourage you to dissent and disagree with us.

We'll just call you Hitler, neanderthal, racists, monkeys, incurious, "never worked an honest day in their lives", "comes between reptile and repugnant", etc.

2. We will let you marry whomever you want, even when some of us consider your behavior to be "different" or "immoral." Who you marry is none of our business. Love and be in love -- it's a wonderful gift.

From the same party that won't let you raise a family on one income like it was before all that Great Society cra@p, won't allow you to can defend your family in your own home, and will tax you right out of your own home for the public good, or use emminent domain to hand it to a more deserving friend.

3. We will not spend your grandchildren's money on our personal whims or to enrich our friends. It's your checkbook, too, and we will balance it for you.

Mr. Moore, meet Senator Robert KKK Byrd.

4. When we soon bring our sons and daughters home from Iraq, we will bring your sons and daughters home, too. They deserve to live. We promise never to send your kids off to war based on either a mistake or a lie.

As a matter of fact, the only wars we will ever fight will be from 40,000 feet or with cruise missiles to get our latest scandal off the front pages because as dummocrats, we don't think America is worth fighting for.

5. When we make America the last Western democracy to have universal health coverage, and all Americans are able to get help when they fall ill, we promise that you, too, will be able to see a doctor, regardless of your ability to pay. And when stem cell research delivers treatments and cures for diseases that affect you and your loved ones, we'll make sure those advances are available to you and your family, too.

Our health system is so bad, all the other utopian societies fly their most severe cases here just so they can experience first-hand how bad it is. And they import our medical technology and pharmaceuticals just to show their people how truly awful us Americans have it.

6. Even though you have opposed environmental regulation, when we clean up our air and water, we, the Democratic majority, will let you, too, breathe the cleaner air and drink the purer water.

As dummocrats we were responsible for the EPA (oh wait a minute that was Nixon) and the Clean Air Act (oh wait that was Bush-41). Well, rest assured that if we ever do take action on the environment we'll wait until the last day of an eight year presidency to do, so without any review by the scientific community, so all the negative effects of our grandstanding will fall on the next administation, or when they immediately remove our 11th hour junk we can claim they're "undoing all the advances we made" and poisoning the air and the water.

7. Should a mass murderer ever kill 3,000 people on our soil, we will devote every single resource to tracking him down and bringing him to justice. Immediately. We will protect you.

Just like we did after WTC 93, USS Cole, embassy bombings, etc. And we will make sure we protect the terrorists with habeas corpus, Miranda rights, and have a team of highly paid taxpayer-funded dummocrat lawyers to draw each show trial out for years. And we won't listen in to any international phone calls from known terrorists to ferret him out either.

8. We will never stick our nose in your bedroom or your womb. What you do there as consenting adults is your business. We will continue to count your age from the moment you were born, not the moment you were conceived.

By "consenting adults" we also include Studds pages, X42's interns, NAMBLA, etc. By "born" we don't include birthing a perfectly viable baby and crushing its skull and calling it a "third trimester procedure".

9. We will not take away your hunting guns. If you need an automatic weapon or a handgun to kill a bird or a deer, then you really aren't much of a hunter and you should, perhaps, pick up another sport. We will make our streets and schools as free as we can from these weapons and we will protect your children just as we would protect ours.

Just as safe as you are in most dummocrat strongholds like Detroit, Miami, Los Angeles, etc.

10. When we raise the minimum wage, we will pay you -- and your employees -- that new wage, too. When women are finally paid what men make, we will pay conservative women that wage, too.

After all, only us dummocrats, most of whom have never run a business successfully, know what to pay your employees in your town.

11. We will respect your religious beliefs, even when you don't put those beliefs into practice. In fact, we will actively seek to promote your most radical religious beliefs ("Blessed are the poor," "Blessed are the peacemakers," "Love your enemies," "It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God," and "Whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me."). We will let people in other countries know that God doesn't just bless America, he blesses everyone. We will discourage religious intolerance and fanaticism -- starting with the fanaticism here at home, thus setting a good example for the rest of the world.

"Fanatism" like the Salvation Army, the Boy Scouts, and all the other common good created day in and day out by selfless folks who are religious.

12. We will not tolerate politicians who are corrupt and who are bought and paid for by the rich. We will go after any elected leader who puts him or herself ahead of the people. And we promise you we will go after the corrupt politicians on our side FIRST. If we fail to do this, we need you to call us on it. Simply because we are in power does not give us the right to turn our heads the other way when our party goes astray. Please perform this important duty as the loyal opposition.

Just as we dummocrats did when we discovered Williams (D-NJ), Jenrette (D-SC), Lederer (D-PA), Myers (D-PA), Thompson (D-NJ)), Murphy (D-PA), and Murtha (D-PA) were implicated in ABSCAM, Cranston (D-CA); DeConcini (D-AZ); Glenn (D-OH); McCain(RINO-AZ); and Riegle (D-MI) were implicated in the Keating S&L scam, Rostenkowski (D-IL) and the post office scandal, 269 congresscritters and the house bank scandal, Franks (D-MA) and his fixing parking tickets for his live-in lover's prositution clients, William Jefferson with his "cold cash", Harry Reid with his real estate flip scandals, X42 with his giving away national security secrets for campaign cash, etc. etc.

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