Hating the TSA

Muth's Truths ^ | 10/8/2006 | Chuck Muth

[Dick Bachert]

I don't use the "H" word lightly, but when it comes to the TSA - Transportation Security Administration or Thousands Standing Around, depending on your perspective - I make an exception. Oh, how I hate thee, let me count the ways.

While acknowledging that my horror experiences with airport security are far from unique, or even unusual these days, at least, dear reader, you can be sure these stories are real and not some made-up Internet hoax. My most recent run-in with the TSA involves the recently-discovered deadly threat of carrying toothpaste on a plane at 30,000 feet.

When the TSA banned Colgate and Crest a couple months ago, most of us thought: 1.) That's just plain stupid. 2.) That's par for the course over at the TSA. The good news, however, is that some air travelers aren't taking such stupidity sitting down on their flotation devices any longer. They're speaking up and speaking out. They're letting the TSA have it. And they're finding kindred spirits all across the nation, thanks to the Internet (God bless Al Gore for inventing it!).

So under public pressure, the TSA, in its infinite bureaucratic wisdom, recently relaxed its prohibitions against deadly Sensodyne, Speed Stick and Listerine. You may now bring these potentially lethal items onboard with you - but only if they're in small quantities and only if packed in a sealable, clear plastic bag. (Apparently the notion of three terrorists all buying a ticket on the same flight and then mixing their toothpastes together to obtain the quantity necessary to bring down a jumbo jet never occurred to the world's leading airport security organization.)

So on my recent trip to our nation's capital, I packed miniature containers of toothpaste, deodorant and mouthwash in the sealable, clear plastic toiletry bag which came with my suitcase (proudly purchased from a non-union Wal-Mart) and took off for Reno International Airport. And that's where the fun began.

Airport security under the TSA generally encompasses three separate operations: There's the well-known long, snaking lines for the document verification phase ("Papers, please."). There's the take-off-your-shoes-and-walk-through-the-beeper-machine phase. And then, if you're unlucky enough to set off Mr. Beeper, there's the spread-your-legs-and-extend-your-arms perp-search phase.

But in Reno they've now added a fourth layer for those brave passengers who dare to pack personal hygiene items. Before you even get in line to show your boarding pass and photo ID, you now must stop at a new table manned by three full-time, government-trained, taxpayer-funded Barney Fifes. There you must present your bag of lethal weapon toiletries for close inspection to assure that you are carrying only 3 ounces of toothpaste and not 4 - and that said toothpaste is contained in a government-approved sealable clear plastic bag.

Alas, while my toiletries passed the size and quantity test, my sealable clear plastic toiletry bag - which was manufactured for the specific purpose of carrying.well, toiletries - did not.

According to the Einstein who inspected my bag, a sealable, clear plastic toiletry bag designed for the expressed purpose of carrying toiletries was not acceptable to the government. If I wanted to carry potentially lethal toothpaste on the plane, Goober explained, it had to be packed in a government-approved sealable clear plastic bag designed to carry.sandwiches. And if I wanted to get out of line and go back downstairs, Mr. Gump informed, I could purchase a proper sandwich bag for my miniature tube of toothpaste in the gift shop.

My head, which was not at the time considered by the TSA to be a potentially lethal weapon, was ready to explode.

Not wanting to miss my plane, I opted, without good cheer, to allow Deputy Dawg to confiscate my Crest. But here's the kicker. While this TSA security professional removed and confiscated my toothpaste, the bonehead missed two double-edge razors in the same bag, as well as a banned cigarette lighter. Boy, don't I feel secure now!

But you know what? This kind of bureaucratic stupidity isn't what I hate most about the TSA. And it's not their inefficiency. It's not their incompetence. It's not the unnecessary inconvenience. It's not even the expensive false sense of security TSA is giving the traveling public.

No, what I hate most about the TSA is how it's turned so many supposedly freedom-loving American citizens into sheep who mindlessly stand for such indignities and inanities all in the name of some illusory feeling of safety. The TSA has made random search-and-seizures without any cause, let alone probable, a perfectly acceptable practice.

And woe to the traveler who raises his voice in objection to being searched like a common criminal all because a machine beeped because you foolishly forgot to remove 73 cents worth of coins from your pocket. Your fellow passengers won't cheer your knowledge of constitutional rights or your vocal opposition to having them violated by gun-toting, badge-wearing government agents. No, no, no! You'll be mocked and ridiculed. You'll be eyed as a trouble-maker deserving of even more scrutiny, if not a cavity search. After all, if you have nothing to hide then what are you getting so worked up about, right?

I may hate the TSA, but I loathe the government school system which has systematically destroyed the pro-liberty/anti-government heritage our Founders passed on to us. "Give me liberty or give me death"? Give me a break. Patrick Henry would be stoned with miniature tubes of AquaFresh by fellow passengers were he to utter such nonsense in a TSA line.

When exactly did we lose the spirit of George Washington who once said, "Government is not reason, it is not eloquence - it is force. Like fire, it is a dangerous servant and fearful master"? Or Thomas Jefferson who said, "The spirit of resistance to government is so valuable on certain occasions, that I wish it to be always kept alive"?

As you wait in line to show your government-approved toiletry bag, filled with your government-approved portions of mouthwash and toothpaste, before presenting your identification papers to an armed government agent, you realize Jefferson's spirit of resistance is largely dead.

May God have mercy on the political souls of the idiot Republicans who brought this plague of airport security federal bureaucrats upon us. May they rest in TSA hell.

[endthematrix]

"And prior to which [1969] there weren't any hijackings to speak of."

I wonder what those other 40% are? I guess it all depends on what the meaning of "speak of" is.

In October 21 1958, a group of castrist rebelds seize a DC-3 of Cubana de Aviación with 14 persons. The airship flew for the province of Oriente and was obliged to land in a trail dominated by the Guerrillas. According to the revolutionaries, with this hicjacking they want receive the attention of the United States Government, so that it did not send more weapons to the General Fulgencio Batista.

In November 1, 1958, the guerrillas hickjack another airship with 20 persons, in the route Miami - Havana - Varadero. This airplane Viscount-755 is diverted to Oriente near Holguín, and the hicjackers obliged the crew to landed in a trail of the United Fruit Company, near the Preston town. But cannot land in this trail by their reduced dimensions, they began to fly in circles in the night, they could not see the trail. When see that remained few fuel, they decided to land, erring the trail for 3 kilometers, and falling to the sea, in the Bay of Nipe. Dying 17 persons, and 3 passengers remained injured, but alive. The guerrillas asked excuses and indicated that their intention was that US did not deliver more weapons to the General Batista, besides they not were done responsible for the action of some isolated revolutionaries.

November 5, 1958, the guerrillas return to operate and hijacking a DC-3 of Cubana (flight 482), piloted by Assembling Pïedra, that flew the route Manzanillo to Holguín. There was 25 passengers and 3 crew. The airplane lands in the rebelds zone.

If you are speaking of only US hijackings why cite your source which gives global hijackings -when was the first US hijacking? Not in 1947.

[Sarajevo]

The TSA is the most incompetent bureaucracy ever devised by man.

Agreed!

[WoofDog123]

"None of these people quoted here had any experience in dealing with Islam. "

I think that their solution would have been to forcibly deport all muslims from the colonies or states.

[WoofDog123]

CID actually confiscated a small hex-wrench (like 1/2" size) that I had been carrying around on several prior flights from MIA and FLL..

[Knitebane]

Ooooooh! Three hijackings in 1958! In Cuba! A country in the midst of a civil war with fanatical communist groups. What a shocker.

As compared to dozens per year from 1968 to 1973, the total number for those years being 364. The numbers slacked off a bit after 1973 mostly due to (get this) an large increase in the number of armed air marshalls.

Wow. People with guns on airplanes makes flying safer. Who'da thunk it?

So, pre-1968 not that much to speak of. Some yes, but a drop in a bucket compared to post 1968.

[endthematrix]

"And prior to which there weren't any hijackings to speak of."

"So, pre-1968 not that much to speak of. "

How'd I guess that you'd move the goal posts?

[Knitebane]

How'd I guess that you'd move the goal posts?

What goal posts?

I said that pre-1968 there weren't any hijackings to speak of.

That's a euphemism for "not many."

I'm sorry if you're having trouble understanding. I can use smaller words if you like.

[endthematrix]

No, it's late. Sorry if I ruffled any feathers.

[Knitebane]

No problem.

Sorry if I responded too harshly.

[dhuffman@awod.com]

Utterly amazing responses. Elsewhere I'm discussing with a correspondent that sees no infringement of the 2A!

Good people should be armed where they will.

[durasell]

Good people should be armed where they will.




How do you only arm "good people?"

[BlackbirdSST]

None of these people quoted here had any experience in dealing with Islam.

BS! Blackbird.

[durasell]

None of these people quoted here had any experience with commercial aviation.

[Reform4Bush]

I don't think the procedures are invasive at all.

In fact, I feel more at ease knowing the TSA is taking these threats seriously and reducing the chances that the plane I or my loved ones are flying in.

God Bless the TSA

[HiTech RedNeck]

Dead people from up to 200 years ago is why this republic exists, buster.

Anyhow, the "not just any old clear plastic bag but only OUR kind of clear plastic bag" rule sounds like a bureaucracy in the early stages of dealing with a new problem. TSA in general was that way in the early years following the 9/11 attacks, then it eased some of the sillier rules.

[MarkL]

We went through Dulles security and Lindbergh last week with two carry ons and two checked bags and things moved quick, it wasn't a big deal at all. They handled everyone professionally and swiftly. Just put the liquids in your check in bags. It was a five to ten minute process. Everything we took with us we came home with. It just rides in a different part of the plane.

That only works if you check your bags. The last 3 times I checked my bags on an airliner, my bags got lost. I did get them back, however, twice it was the following day, and once it was 2 days later. I figured that "the third time was the charm," and only take carry on now. Thankfully, I don't travel often anymore. But I've come to the decision that if you've got something that you absolutely, positively need to have immediately at your destination, and you will need to check it through on the airlines, well, that's why G-d invented FedEx!

Mark

[MarkL]

And how does requiring people to use government-approved sandwich bags for their toothpaste in any way relate to dealing with Islam?

What I want to know is if they confiscated his toothpaste, did they also confiscate the clear, non-approved bag? And just why is it that one clear bag is approved, and another isn't? And how is it that taking deadly toothpaste from a non-approved, clear bag, and putting into a government approved clear-bag, purchased at the gift shop, renders that deadly toothpaste safe for travel?

Mark

[durasell]

I would imagine that some manner of uniformity speeds the process along. Having seen packages slide into the carousel tied with rope, bungy cords and kite string, it isn't hard to imagine some nitwit using a 50 gallon clear plastic bag for a tube of toothpaste and a lipstick.

[Mad Dawg]

Random musings:

• I've "worked the metal detector" for hours at Juvenile and Domestic Relations Court. It's a terrible job.
• Is flying on a private carrier a right? You're risking your life; they're risking a gazillion dollar airplane. I'm not sure how to think about this.
• It's easy to talk about how somebody else is doing something poorly. I'd like to see some ideas about how to do it properly.
• Especially, since for sheer excruciating pain it's hard to choose between working the metal detector and hitting myself on the head with a mallet, how do you hire and compensate and afford to compensate good, intelligent security personnel?
• Having searched a number of folks with varying degrees of invasiveness (but most of these were incarcerated) I am able to say with a little authority that the most professional and well done search I've ever been a part of was done by a TSA guy in Monroe, LA when I was done playing with the Red Cross a year ago.
• We're a nation at war; doesn't that legitimate increased security? We quit interning people after VJ day. My guess is when we win this war, the pent up sense of outrage will lead to the rapid dismantling of the TSA.

---

Ask me about my Bumper Sticker ....

[BlackbirdSST]

None of these people quoted here had any experience with commercial aviation.

WOW! Now that's a revelation. Of course it has nothing to do with, they didn't know Islam, does it!? Blackbird.