Posted on 10/06/2006 1:42:51 AM PDT by beaversmom
I'D never buy a copy of Men's Health magazine, just like I'd never pay for People, Us or even Real Simple.
But that doesn't mean I don't sometimes flip through those magazines, and Men's Health is now diversion No. 1 one when I spy a copy at the gym or doctor's office.
All because of this tidbit from an article titled "Your To-Don't List — 19 things a man should never do":
"Leer ... pervert isn't a label you can just peel off."
The ellipses save you from salacious descriptions that detract from the main message. Photos throughout the magazine of women's bodies, tousled hair but no names likewise undermine the sincerity. Still: As a woman reading an R-rated, straight-man's magazine that according to The New York Times has a circulation of "almost 1.8 million": Thank you.
Now, this is where some of you will say: "Here comes another feminist rant against men's innocent and sometimes physically uncontrollable impulse to appreciate the beauty of the opposite sex."
And here's where I say, "What is the member of the opposite sex supposed to do with those moments when a man visually takes in her whole body, top to bottom — without apology or even embarrassment — as if entitled to something?"
I'm not talking about quick glances. I'm talking about appraising stares that render many, many women of all ages uncomfortable once any shreds of embarrassed flattery run their course.
Maybe because I'm the mother of two young girls I've become an observer of men ogling teenage girls. They do it all the time, no matter what the teenagers are wearing or what they are doing. I find myself superimposing my kid on those teenagers' bodies and I get creeped out.
That'll be my daughter buying the bag of Kettle Korn...
(Excerpt) Read more at seattletimes.nwsource.com ...
ROTFL!
I believe the lady said that a completely naked woman, walking down the street with a sign saying rape me, should bear no responsibility for being assaulted. That is like someone taping hundred dollar bills to their clothes, carrying a sign saying take me, should not expect to be robbed.
I didn't see the Elephant Man so I don't know what you're hinting at.
As I said, who can object to people looking at one another? It's when it turns to obsessive staring and all that goes with it that makes me feel like I got slimed, and, at times, careful for my safety, depending on how weirded out the starer is. Lots of men (I'm no longer a spring chick so there have been numerous opportunities for this) have looked at me with an appreciative glance or short-term gaze, often followed by a nice smile when they see that I realize I'm in their sights, and I don't mind that.
The most interesting thing of all to me is that if I am in the company of a man, other men are much more likely to give a quick, darting glance and look away. If I'm alone, ugh. I have learned to hate having to go into the public arena alone. The sense of safety has gone in the toilet as our society has given itself over to more and more degrading levels of porn. What was once banned is now available on TV without a second thought. Now, this behavior of the guys, who avert their eyes after a quick glance if I'm with a man, really tells me something. Men are absolutely, definitely capable of not leering. It just takes a smidge of the unspoken fear factor to curb them. This also tells me that an awful lot of men are choosing not to curb themselves unless presented with a male presence that might interfere with their gawking. That is what I mean when I say a man who would stare a woman into being afraid for her safety or feeling like she is being slimed simply can't have a proper appreciation for the female population. Women know when the "the look" means they are being appreciated or "the leer" means they are being used.
OTOH, there are some wonderful Christian men I know who can take in the presence of a lovely woman and not give off one ounce of stink with the viewing. I've seen it time after time with these gentlemen. Men who truly honor women and who understand they are living their own lives openly before God, Who sees all and before Whom we will all give account for our actions, can come to the capacity to appreciate the beauty of what God created in women and not follow on into lust. This is more common in men who are not so very young -- they've had time to practice walking in holiness, and a lot of them have heard their wives' feedback about how awful it makes them feel when men stare at them. (I have talked with a lot of other women about this and know from their conversations they've talked with their husbands about it.)
Anyway, men can teach themselves to honor women, to make them feel comfortable and protected in their presence. The fact that so many men run the other way is, to me, a sign of how broken down the walls have become in our society.
What a great, great strategy -- taking the guy's picture! Awesome.
True. But some men are just pigs and they don't realize that IT'S A PRISON to NOT be able to leer. Some guys can't possibly pass a woman by without visually undressing them. I'm a big, full-grown man and when I walk the mall with my teenaged daughter guys my age don't really care if I'm there-they're going to check her out.
They have NO control and don't see that it debases them as much as the woman. They'll do the same with my wife and I'm always on the verge of asking them what the hell they are looking at. I don't do so because it upsets my wife.
These guys are losers and have no chance of having a meaningful relationship with anything but the equivalent of themselves. They can't even stop leering at CHILDREN!!
I have friends that do it and I tell them about it. They'll get all hot and bothered at girl thats 100 yards away! It's like they have evolved a bionic eye or something!
Rant over---
Regards, Ivan
You may be trying to "fish in a pond". But all men are in the same boat.
This is a downside to being a woman, along with the upsides. There is absolutely nothing you can do about it except wear a shapeless dress.
The Elephant Man wasn't a movie; he was human being living in a past time. I imagine he would have given just about anything to get leers. You are blessed.
Actually, I have gone into public in a shapeless dress -- luaus, that sort of thing. Doesn't make any difference.
You are so right. It is one thing to be noticed, but a woman knows the difference between an appreciative glance and a long leer. One in which you feel you have just been undressed. It is unnerving and sometimes downright scary when a man looks at you like a porterhouse steak.
How about telling your friends to just walk over to the woman they like and talk to them and make eye contact. Women like that. Just see if you like each other and go from there. And make them feel comfortable around you. Then see if they're heart is in the same place as yours. Very simple. It worked for many thousands of years. That pick-up plan with women only works short-term because you don't have consideration for her little heart.
"They do it more to compete with each other than to get our attention, IMHO"
Some might; I don't.
I've always dressed as nicely as I can and done what I can to make my appearance attractive (without much makeup or fuss) because I care about myself and was raised to keep myself clean and neat (unless doing chores that require getting dirty). The way I look in public is a statement about me, not about what I might attract, but, of course, it is lovely to have a man remark, in a dignified way, on how nice I look. It builds one's confidence. People generally want to know they are accepted by their peers, and such feedback is helpful. It's especially important for teenage girls to hear these things from their fathers.
I once dated a guy who remarked (this always amazed me), "You always look nice for me." This just plain shocked me. Of course I would look nice for him. But I looked nice for ME, first. It's a self-respect issue. BTW, this same man told me he really liked the way I walked. He said, "You just walk. You don't do anything to draw attention to yourself." (I decided in fifth grade to "just walk." I'd noticed that some of the girls had begun strutting and posing and didn't want to be like that.) As he considered me to be very attractive and didn't like the idea of other men getting too interested in me, he really appreciated the modesty. He said something else that I found interesting: "You don't act sexy. You don't try to BE sexy. You just ARE sexy." I had no idea this was the case and his comment sort of put me on a quiet alert and helped me to be more understanding toward normal male reactions.
"Plot Outline: A Victorian surgeon rescues a heavily disfigured man who is mistreated while scraping a living as a side-show freak. Behind his monstrous facade, there is revealed a person of intelligence and sensitivity."
I had seen snippets of the movie so I knew it was out there and I knew something of the story but not much. I make no claims as to how true to life the movie is or isn't.
Let me leave you with a thought that most honestly summarizes my sentiments: I love the women's movement...especially when I am walking behind it.
--Rush Limbaugh
That's one of the stupidest lines I've heard. It's a man's JOB to notice. That's how the human species stays on the planet. Gee, woman, don't advertise and then expect not to make a sale.
The whole thing is a feminist point of view which ignores human nature...
some women say "Hey - up here" when that happens.
I am not sure what you meant by that...Maybe you meant it is NOT a prison to NOT be able to leer?
Anyway, any guy that would put a woman in an uncomfortable position by olging her in an overt way is not much of a person. It just shows a basic lack of respect for another person.
There is no doubt that there are young women under the legal age of consent that are physically beautiful, but that doesn't give someone a license to act on it. That is what makes us men, and not beasts, that we live in a structure of society that puts limits on that.
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