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Mark Steyn: At Gitmo, detainees get La-Z-Boys, pastries
Chicago Sun-Times ^ | October 1 2006 | Mark Steyn

Posted on 10/01/2006 4:51:35 AM PDT by knighthawk

'This is not just a bad bill," said Sen. Patrick Leahy, ranking Democrat on the Judiciary Committee. ''This is truly a dangerous bill." And it's not just a dangerous bill. It's also "unconstitutional" and "unconscionable" and represents the loss of the nation's "moral compass." Wow! That's quite a lot for a humble bill on military trials for terrorist (OK, "alleged terrorist") detainees. But Vermont's lefty colossus wasn't done yet in his excoriation of the Bush administration. "Even they cannot dismiss the practices at Guantanamo as the actions of a few bad people," he continued. "Before they just did it quietly, and against the law, on their own say-so, but now they are obtaining license to engage in additional harsh techniques that the rest of the world will see as abusive, as cruel, as degrading and even as torture."

Hmm. I should say a word about "the practices at Guantanamo." As it happens, I've just got back from Gitmo. (That glitch on my green card was finally straightened out.) I've visited several prisons in several countries over the years and never seen anything like this one. Granted, most of what I know about enemy detainee camps comes from what Rear Adm. Harry Harris, who runs Guantanamo, calls "bad movies and worse TV shows," and from a distance very little seems to have changed: the basic look -- barbed wire and watch towers -- would be recognizable to any World War II POWs. But, close up, pretty much everything else has been flushed down the toilet of history. Indeed, even the toilet has been flushed down the toilet of history: In the interests of cultural sensitivity, Gitmo cells were fitted with "Asian-style toilets," because "that's what the detainees prefer." Given that much of the matter that should be going down there ends up being flung over the guards, it seems that this sensitivity over choice of bathroom fixtures is not always appreciated. When visitors like yours truly swing by, the camp likes to serve them the same meal the prisoners get. This being Ramadan, Adm. Harris was particularly proud of the fresh-baked traditional pastries his team had made for the holy month. And he was right: The baklava was delicious. "Baklava" is said by some linguists to come from the Arabic for "nuts" -- and, indeed, in that sense this entire war can sometimes seem like one giant baklava. There was a film out earlier this year called ''The Road To Guantanamo,'' and the poster showed the usual emaciated prisoner hung by shackles against a dungeon wall. No doubt the actor in question did the full Robert De Niro and lost 40 pounds to get himself looking that cadaverous.

If they've got anything like that going on at the real Gitmo, they must be doing it behind the confectioner's sugar at the back of the pastry chef's cupboard. If you're hoping to hear about the old wooden chair under a bare lightbulb swinging on its cord, here's the reality: The detaineeare interrogated on either a La-Z-Boy recliner or a luxuriously upholstered sofa -- blue plush with gold piping.

As for being emaciated, it's the only death camp in history where the soi-disant torture victims put on weight. In contrast to the undernourished thesp in the movie version, the average gain at Gitmo is 18 pounds. The Afghan detainees were the chunkiest Afghans I've ever seen. If they ever make it home, their old comrades -- the lean wiry warriors of the Hindu Kush -- will wonder why a party of Florida retirees has suddenly shown up. These Pushtuns are pushing a ton.

And, if you do start losing weight suddenly, don't worry. As one of the camp's medical staff explained, they offer free colon-cancer testing for jihadis over 50. If President Hillary decides to have another crack at socialized medicine in 2009, there are worse slogans than "Every American should have the right to the same health-care plan as a Sudanese terrorist who put his arm out stabbing a prison guard."

Perhaps this is what Senator Leahy means by "abusive," "cruel," "degrading" "torture." If you're used to the Afghan health system, no doubt it's profoundly humiliating to be offered free colonoscopies every time you bend down to use the prayer mat. Nevertheless, it surely requires a perverse genius to have made the first terrorist detention camp to offer homemade Ramadan pastries a byword for horror and brutality. If I had to summon up Gitmo in a single image, it would be the brand-new Qurans in each unoccupied cell. To reassure incoming inmates that the filthy infidels haven't touched the sacred book with their unclean hands, the Qurans are hung from the walls in pristine surgical masks. It's one thing for Muslims to regard infidels as unclean, but it's hard to see why it's in the interests of the United States government to string along with it and thereby validate their bigotry.

When I put this point to Adm. Harris, he replied, "That's an interesting question," and said the decision had been made long before he arrived. He explained that they had a good working system whereby whenever it became necessary to handle a Quran -- because a weapon or illicit communication had been concealed in it -- a Muslim translator would be called to the cell to perform the task. But I wasn't thinking of it in operational so much as psychological terms: What does that degree of abasement before their prejudices tell them about us? Mulling it over since I got back, I'd go further: It seems to me that one sign this war is over is when Muslims are grown-up enough not to go to full-blown baklava nuts over other folks touching their Qurans.

Of course, for the likes of Sen. Leahy, not only is the war far from over, it hasn't even begun. Almost every argument in this area isn't "about" the war so much as whether there even is a war. As the Washington Post reported, "The Senate joined the House in embracing President Bush's view that the battle against terrorism justifies the imposition of extraordinary limits on defendants' traditional rights in the courtroom."

Well, they're only "extraordinary" if you regard these men as traditional "defendants." If you regard them as traditional wartime detainees -- rather than OJs in turbans -- the only "extraordinary" aspect of this is the kid gloves with which not just their Qurans but the jihadists themselves are handled. This is the only war in American history in which enemy detainees have been freed before the end of hostilities. Of those released, at least 22 are known to have returned to the battlefield in Afghanistan, Pakistan and elsewhere. The ones who remain are dangerous men, no matter how "sensitive" you are. They unscrewed the foot pads from those Asian-style toilets and used them as bludgeons to attack the guards. After listening to Pat Leahy's contribution to the debate, I wonder if the Gitmo medical facility's lavish team of mental health experts might not be more usefully deployed to the U.S. Senate.


TOPICS: Editorial; News/Current Events
KEYWORDS: gitmo; marksteyn; steyn
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1 posted on 10/01/2006 4:51:38 AM PDT by knighthawk
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To: MizSterious; Nix 2; green lantern; BeOSUser; Brad's Gramma; dreadme; Turk2; keri; ...

Ping


2 posted on 10/01/2006 4:53:06 AM PDT by knighthawk (We will always remember We will always be proud We will always be prepared so we may always be free)
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To: mewzilla

There really is a comfy chair..


3 posted on 10/01/2006 4:55:06 AM PDT by Dog
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To: knighthawk
What does that degree of abasement before their prejudices tell them about us?

Abasement....

Fitting choice of words.

4 posted on 10/01/2006 4:57:10 AM PDT by mewzilla (Property must be secured or liberty cannot exist. John Adams)
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To: Dog
There really is a comfy chair..

Bleep it all.

And on a lighter note: I bet the La-Z-Boy folks are just tickled....

5 posted on 10/01/2006 4:58:28 AM PDT by mewzilla (Property must be secured or liberty cannot exist. John Adams)
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To: knighthawk

6 posted on 10/01/2006 4:59:25 AM PDT by Sooth2222
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To: knighthawk
To reassure incoming inmates that the filthy infidels haven't touched the sacred book with their unclean hands, the Qurans are hung from the walls in pristine surgical masks. It's one thing for Muslims to regard infidels as unclean, but it's hard to see why it's in the interests of the United States government to string along with it and thereby validate their bigotry

He needs to think outside the box a bit.

7 posted on 10/01/2006 5:07:30 AM PDT by palmer (Money problems do not come from a lack of money, but from living an excessive, unrealistic lifestyle)
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To: knighthawk
During the Battle of the Bulge some German SS troops were caught wearing captured American Uniforms. William Shirer in his classic "The Rise and Fall of the Third Reich" says some were summarily shot, the others were court martialed and then shot. Someone should ask Sen. Leahy what he thinks of that.
8 posted on 10/01/2006 5:22:12 AM PDT by ALPAPilot
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To: knighthawk

We are truly nuts.


9 posted on 10/01/2006 5:36:19 AM PDT by toddlintown (Six bullets and Lennon goes down. Yet not one hit Yoko. Discuss.)
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Comment #10 Removed by Moderator

To: Pokey78

Steyn ping


11 posted on 10/01/2006 5:54:21 AM PDT by NonValueAdded (Treaty Fetishism: "[The] belief that a piece of paper will alter the behavior of thugs." R. Lowry.)
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To: knighthawk

That we coddle these bastards makes me sick. They should get treatment no better than given in any US prison. We give then far better conditions than endured by US troops in Iraq and Afghanistan. Perhaps we should give our Gitmo guests a weekly pork BBQ, all the beer they can drink and entertainment by the Dallas Cowboy's cheerleaders.


12 posted on 10/01/2006 5:58:52 AM PDT by The Great RJ ("Mir wölle bleiwen wat mir sin" or "We want to remain what we are." ..Luxembourg motto)
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To: knighthawk

I'd go further than just warehousing these killers. Everytime A-Q captures and kills some western soldier or civilian, I'd execute the same number at Gitmo or wherever we have them.


13 posted on 10/01/2006 5:59:32 AM PDT by driftless2
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To: knighthawk

Its getting to look like the Democrat party is almost as bad as Islam. pat "Leaky" Leahy is a disgrace, as are most democrats. Its hard to believe anyone in America can vote and place these fools in Congress.


14 posted on 10/01/2006 6:10:20 AM PDT by sgtbono2002 (The fourth estate is a fifth column.)
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To: Tax-chick

bttt


15 posted on 10/01/2006 6:14:12 AM PDT by Tax-chick ("There's nowhere to go and you've got all day to get there ... on some beach, somewhere.")
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To: sgtbono2002
Its getting to look like the Democrat party is almost as bad as Islam

Islam has no future in a world where the trains run on time. The real danger is the enablers- the American and British leftists (and the french) who REQUIRE everyone within earshot to bow down to their cultural relativisms.

The real enemy is the left- they would destroy civilization just for the sake of raw power - for themselves alone.

16 posted on 10/01/2006 6:24:32 AM PDT by x_plus_one (Stand up for Christ or die at the hands of a heathen God.)
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To: knighthawk
We're overly sensitive to the needs of Al Qaeda terrorists. I'm beginning to think the slaughter and beheading of a number of U.S Senators at the hands of the enemy is the only thing that could get the august body to wake up and acknowledge we're truly at war rather than engage in academic debates that have zero relation to the danger faced by our country. These are the people who have forgotten 3,000 Americans were slaughtered less than five years ago last month.

"Show me just what Mohammed brought that was new, and there you will find things only evil and inhuman, such as his command to spread by the sword the faith he preached." -Manuel II Paleologus

17 posted on 10/01/2006 6:27:48 AM PDT by goldstategop (In Memory Of A Dearly Beloved Friend Who Lives On In My Heart Forever)
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To: knighthawk

On average, each detainee has gained 15 pounds duning his stint at GTMO.


18 posted on 10/01/2006 6:31:05 AM PDT by roaddog727 (Bullsh## doesn't get bridges built.)
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To: roaddog727

duning=during - WAAAAAY to early/not enough coffee


19 posted on 10/01/2006 6:31:50 AM PDT by roaddog727 (Bullsh## doesn't get bridges built.)
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To: roaddog727
No wonder Rush Limbaugh refers to it as Club Gitmo. Think of the irony. We treat Koranimals better in captivity than they've treated captured Americans. Its too much to expect them to give our own boys luxurious accomodations and a Gideon Bible placed nealy on the nightstand beside the bed as well as bacon and eggs for breakfast along with a side of pancakes with syrup.

"Show me just what Mohammed brought that was new, and there you will find things only evil and inhuman, such as his command to spread by the sword the faith he preached." -Manuel II Paleologus

20 posted on 10/01/2006 6:36:08 AM PDT by goldstategop (In Memory Of A Dearly Beloved Friend Who Lives On In My Heart Forever)
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