Let Me Tell You About MY Abortion

CNSNEWS ^ | 8/9/06 | Pat Fish

[Fishtalk]

Below is a little missive I ripped out just as soon as I heard about MS. Magazine’s attempts to recruit abortion supporters by asking them to supply their names and their stories.

In a fit, an absolute fit of pique, I typed up my own abortion story. Then I saved it on the hard drive and pondered all week how to deal with my narrative of anger and angst.

I don’t want to put it on my own Blog as frankly-MS. Magazine doesn’t realize this-I am certainly not at all proud of my story.

Yet I wonder if the millions of women (yes, I bet there are that many) who had abortions REALLY told their story, well I wonder if MS. Magazine would be so damn smug with itself on this cause they champion so proudly.

Abortion is NEVER a happy thing, no mind the harpies who brought us this so-called “constitutional right”.

I also pondered the consequences of both identifying myself AND the male player in my sordid tale. I don’t want to get sued.

Still considering and steaming with a message that I desperately want to share, I think of submitting it to one of the online Blogs and punditry sites. But I get concerned. It might not be something they want to post and then I would have gone and identified myself to complete strangers for nothing.

So I decided to post my story in its entirety right here on FreeRepublic. Understand I am scared senseless to do this as I am a right regular poster on this site and really don’t want to be judged harshly.

Then again, when a story sits and boils inside, well it keeps boiling inside.

Below is my own abortion story in response to MS. Magazine’s request. Anyone may link to this post if it is deemed worthy. Someday I might get brave enough to post it on my Blog. If I’m lucky maybe no one will see this story and hey, I still worry about the guy involved in all this. No I didn’t put his name but he’ll know it’s him. Just hope I don’t get sued.

Understand also that this happened to me thirty years ago. Yes indeed, yon ladies and gems, I was a fresh young thing. Roe versus Wade had just been decided. I was bright, happening and intelligent. I was a liberated woman.

Now let MS. Magazine know how a woman feels deep into mid-life when past deeds are re-visited and thought processes change.

Do you think I should send my abortion story to them?

Do You Really Want to Know About My Abortion?

From CNSNEWS:

"Ms. Magazine's latest pro-abortion message invites women and girls who have undergone the procedure to submit their names for inclusion in the magazine and sign an online petition stating that "I have had an abortion."

The petition targets the recent South Dakota abortion ban, which has been stayed until voters in the state decide on the November ballot whether they want to overturn the ban."

So this missive passes over my Internet-surfing monitor and I pause.

Ms. Magazine. Once upon a time I subscribed to Ms. Magazine. Was a subscriber for over ten years. Once upon a time I was a women's libber of the highest order. Once upon a time I had an abortion and now is the time for me to step right up, be a "manly man" about it, and tell my story.

Ms. Magazine is not going to like it all.

In my pause I ponder publicly identifying myself. For as the article in the link indicates, women are very reluctant to admit beyond girlfriend confidences that they have had an abortion. Although Ms. Magazine and the feminists behind it truly want women to be proud of that which they have managed to gain for the females of this nation: that of abortion on demand. Once upon a time I thought this was a very neat thing. It was 1976, a mere five years after the Supreme Court invented the new abortion right that they somehow saw in our constitution. I was a fresh 25 years of age, divorced and heartbroken after my childhood sweetheart and husband left me. I had a very good job, my own home, was three years into college, night school and it was tough, and not at all unattractive in that manner of 25 year old females. Hey, I was happening, hip, cool and all that the feminists should have adored.

Next I must ponder, seriously, telling my story in any public fashion for fear of identifying the male involved in this abortion. Not that I know if he can do anything about it, like sue me or anything. And not that I've laid eyeballs on him for almost 30 years, but if he should read the story, he will know it is him. Though I won't give his name, I'm not going to be kind to him at all.

So I will identify myself via a link to my Blog. I will not post this to my Blog but I will show some courage because, well Ms. Magazine wants me to and I can't let down Gloria Steinham, who was part and parcel of my own abortion experience.

His name was Gregory (NOT!) and he came into my life when my life had finally settled down after my sad divorce. I had a house, a result of my divorce settlement. Gregory had a job with a government contractor which paid well. We were both college educated, free, monetarily secure and we talked of a future together. We often talked of our future children, which Gregory would refer to as "little Yegory" in a play on his name. I knew what I wanted: a happy marriage, perhaps two children, my college degree and a good job. Gregory knew what I wanted as I often told him. What I wanted was fairly typical of females my age although it was archaic to admit it in that era of raging feminism.

It's no mind how on earth I got pregnant because birth control pills were widely available. I don't know why I didn't use them but I did use some form of birth control. Which didn't work.

Because I was young and had no children as of yet, I wasn't paying attention to such as cycles. At some point the pregnancy advanced beyond the first trimester before even my naïve self got a clue. We didn't have pregnancy tests that could bought in the grocery thus it was a way bigger deal to check a possible pregnancy test than it is today.

There was little time. On Wednesday I found out I was pregnant and on the following Friday I had an abortion.

Gregory, sweet thing, had arranged the whole thing. As I recall, earlier that week Gregory told me to please don't call him at work with the pregnancy test results and I told him I wouldn't. It would "upset" him. As I recall, when I got the results from the doctor I called Gregory right up and told him because why should only I know? Goes to Gregory's character.

My company-paid health insurance covered the abortion but there was a $200 deductible. Which Gregory paid out his own pocket, driving over fifty miles to the hospital that would be doing the abortion because they wouldn't even schedule a room until the deductible was paid. Goodness Gregory even spent the night at my house the night before the abortion (no, we didn't live together) as he was "concerned" for me.

Come the Friday, Gregory helped me to the car and drove steadily and purposefully to the abortion clinic.

Why did Gregory and I choose to have an abortion? Frankly, I have no idea. I do know that when something so monumental happens and there is only a space of two days to make a decision, common sense and morality sometimes goes out the window. I also know that Gregory suggested the abortion because he wasn't "ready" and as my young self saw it, I didn't want to have a baby with a man of age 35 who wasn't "ready". Had I more time to think about it, had Gregory not jumped through every hoop on the planet to facilitate all this, had the abortion clinic not been in such a hurry for as it was they were pushing the limit with my abortion then well beyond the first trimester, had any or all of these things changed in terms of the timing, I don't think I would have had that abortion.

Which does not matter, frankly, because Gregory and I are both murderers and it isn't easy admitting you're a murderer. To add to the intrigue, Gregory was a dyed-in-the-wool Conservative, was even a member of the John Birch society. He regularly ranted about politics, liberals and the coming domination of the Communists. I was, a sweet, young and dewy-eyed thing, a liberal. This was during the era of Richard Nixon. I brazenly put a bumper sticker on my car that read "Don't Blame Me, I Didn't Vote For Him". Gregory ripped the bumper sticker off of my car, my car! Right in my own driveway in front of my own house!

We fought about politics all the time-I the liberal, he the "manly man" conservative. I urge anyone reading this to visit my Blog as this is not meant as a slam against male conservatives. I am much older now, and much wiser. Gregory was no manly-man and now I truly understand the definition of the term.

The man killed his own child.

Gloria Steinham and Ms Magazine aren't going to like this at all.

After the abortion, which was so painful that I suffered physically for almost a month afterward, Gregory and I continued to see each other but not for long. I threw Gregory over the bow just as soon as I could because, hey, he was a creep and a hypocrite. At some point we've all been there and done that.

I am quite sure that Gregory has never been married because, well that was the whole problem as any discerning reader, especially female readers, could see way up in this missive. To his "credit", I suppose, Gregory did have quite the mental breakdown after that abortion and begged me to forgive him. While I, in the meantime, waited until an appropriate amount of time then I dumped him. He threatened to kill himself. He called my co-workers and begged them to put me on the phone. Finally I had to call his parents and ask them to please go over there and deal with Gregory. I was nice about it and everything but Gregory was out of my life and it was my legal right to decide this.

As for me, I went on to get married and I did have a daughter. A daughter who would not be here if it were not for that abortion. Had I not had that abortion I would have been giving birth to Gregory's baby around the time my daughter was conceived. I've often justified that abortion by rationalizing that one child was lost but another child was born that wouldn't have been.

What a crock.

Hey, Ms. Magazine...that's my abortion story. If you really cared about the females you purportedly represent, you'd have ensured that pregnant women considering an abortion would have a required length of time before actually undergoing the procedure. If you really cared about the females you represent, you would have set term limits and prevented women like me from aborting a child that might well have survived outside the womb. If you really cared about the females you represent, you'd have demanded counseling and care for women like me who have Gregorys behind the scenes and pulling the strings. Gregory likes Ms. Magazine, however.

I changed fate, God's plan, and murdered a baby. While I might be tough on Gregory, I admit my part in the crime. I can't change it and for sure I will pay some eternal price for it after my death. Not to mention the hurt and pain I suffer when I ponder what that little life would have been had it not had two of the most selfish parents on the planet.

It's not nice. Not nice at all.

That's my abortion story.

[stands2reason]

There is no reason this thread should be turned into a tent revival.

[cyborg]

Between you and God. I hope one day you'll see things a little different. I'm off this thread cuz it's gonna get ugly.

[stands2reason]

I put on my asbestos underwear. I'm ready!

[contrarian]

The wonderful thing about where I go to church is that I can go to my Brothers and Sisters in Christ with my problems and know that, like Christ, they love me and will pray with me when I am in trouble. If you want to go stand in a field and hug yourself, feel free.This should not be construed as a criticism of your way of dealing with this terrible situation, but my (?our) choice has just as much weight.

[Paved Paradise]

Just remember the words of Jesus, honey. None of us is perfect and you seem to be truly repentent. God can forgive all.

For the record, I know a pastor, a friend of mine. His girlfriend got pregnant while he was still in highschool and she had an abortion. I remember a few years ago when my son was around 17, he told me his story and with tears in his eyes looked at me and said his child would be the same age as my son was (my son is now 29). He still grieves over this baby of his.

God bless you for your courage. May many babies live because you told the truth.

[cyborg]

A visual reminder of what's at the heart of the abortion issue...

Babies should be cherished, not seen as a speed bump on the road of materialism. I don't think abortion will ever go away. It will always be legal. I pray for the women and the men, many who enncourage the women to have them. I won't condemn anyone who has had one with fire and brimestone. I did have the misfortune of meetig a woman who was proud she had one because it was a financial inconvenience. It wasn't a misfortune because of the women herelf BUT I was left with a very unnerving feeling. Kinda like when an evil spiritual entity has been around and I feel ill :(

[cyborg]

Made one more post with a pic to keep things in perspective. Now I'm going grocery shopping. Take care.

[socialismisinsidious]

Too many women are hurt by abortion; paying the price for a lifetime. Where are the feminists? Out there trying to entice more women into joining their sick little club; after all, if everyone is doing it then it can't be that bad. That little game is what really pisses me off....if "feminists" really cared about women, if "feminists" really believe that women are smart then wouldn't they demand that women have all the information?! via stories like yours, sonograms etc......control the information control the decision. .....argh.


Thank you for the truth....which may save babies from death and other women from a lifetime of grief/regret.

If you don't know of it already check out Feminists for Life.

[stands2reason]

Just because I'm not a Christian doesn't mean I am alone.

And I wouldn't become one just so I can have more buddies.

The point is, Pro-life is not just a "Christian" issue. It's a human rights issue.

Why be exclusive? It doesn't help the cause.

[grellis]

Maybe because I'm not still "pro-choice."

I had an abortion in 1987. By about 1992ish, I was pretty pro-life. Since '95 I have been ardently pro-life, from conception on. And still I get the "baby killer" tag thrown at me from a select few freepers. The thing is, it doesn't bother me personally--I did, in fact, commit murder. The name fits. The really big problem I have is that the whole "baby killer" rhetoric does far more harm to the pro-life cause than it does good. There are a lot of women on this forum who have told me, via freepmail, that they cannot publicly admit that they have had an abortion. If they fear fellow pro-lifers, they will NEVER be able to share with the coming generations of young women how abortion has changed their lives. Winning situation for the pro-death crowd, eh?

Hildy, we have very different beliefs when it comes to the issue of abortion but you shouldn't have to put up with that crap.

[Hildy]

Thank you for stating the obvious.

[Hildy]

I inject myelf into these threads to show you there is another side...if everyone thought exactly like you, abortion would be illegal. I'm not saying that facetiously. So, you can all just pat youselves on the bat and agree with each other all the time, or you can really listen to what I'm trying to tell you ... and what I'm trying to tell you is that not every woman regrets having an abortion. That's not the argument to be hanging your hats on.

[Fishtalk]

That is just so interesting. Your post, I mean.

Love your forthrightness. Love your honesty. Got a feeling you understand where I'm coming from.

I'm telling you, it was the most difficult thing I ever did putting that post up there. I had butterflies in my stomach for a week. Still do.

So I guess you're right. Yeah I think my story's fairly compelling. In that I was BINGO, right in the thick of a changing world and was affected by it.

I'm not a Senator. I never clerked for the Supreme Court. I was never Secretary of the Interior.

But there a million ME's out here in la-la land and frankly I am sick to death of these people.

MS magazine wants women to be proud of their abortions. The freaking nerve of these people.

Man, I'm not going to sleep tonight.

[Fishtalk]

I'm trying to tell you is that not every woman regrets having an abortion.

Absent any statistics on this matter, I am simply going by my gut and disagreeing.

Sure, it's a womanly thing to do, but ever female gene I possess just plain disagrees with that statement. For sure not all, I understand not all.

But most. I'm sure of it.

[freedumb2003]

So I decided to post my story in its entirety right here on FreeRepublic. Understand I am scared senseless to do this as I am a right regular poster on this site and really don’t want to be judged harshly.

I didn't have to get beyond this to tell you that if anyone gives you flack, you send them to ME and I'll deal with them.

Your courage will not go unnoticed. And to the rest: "he who is without sin may cast the first stone."

Now, I'll go back and read the rest.

[MHGinTN]

Your courageous admissions are one of the only things that can turn the train around. That women area shamed to openly discuss this horrific moment in their lives works to the benefit of the crowd so invested in keeping this bloody rite legal and easily available. We see daily how the negative influence of dehumanizing the alive unborn has opened doorways to what were once unspeakable evils ... killing the unborn for tissue rejuvenation treatments, cloning for body parts, embryo dissection for their stem cells. As God gives you courage to speak out, we are assured that He wants us as a nation to turn around and affirm life. You are warriors on a battlefield you perhaps have little sense of, yet you are so courageous that you wade in with sword raised despite the noise from the enemy! Thank you, thank you for speaking truth ... your witness will set others free and perhaps corrode the heinous dehumanization of the alive unborn. I bow before you both, m'Ladies. Now, if we can just start to reach the Gregories of this nation ...

[freedumb2003]

A powerful testament to the toll abortion takes on a person of character.

I hope you can find a broader forum where some might learn from your sad lesson.

These types of stories need to be in the cultural milieu.

[jwalsh07]

We are the same age but I think my misspent youth somehow makes yours pale in comparison. We all make mistakes. Some of us acknowledge it, come to terms with it and try to do our penance. Being a lifelong sinner and a lifelong Catholic is at times very difficult.:-}

Here's what I think. I think you are a courageous woman whose baby and Lord have already forgiven you.

God bless you and those like you.

[Hildy]

You're wrong...how many women and girls have abortions? ALOT. You think they're all on the verge of nervous breakdowns? The ones who talk about it are very vocal..others just go on with their lives.

[pray4liberty]

I'm glad you wrote your story for us to read. If women who believe in abortion in a theoretical and political way (but don't know the long-term pain and guilt of the actual experience) wake up and take note that it is not at all what it's cracked up to be, then perhaps other lives will be saved through you. You did the right thing, by writing. Be comforted. Be healed.

God bless you for writing your story. Sign onto Rachel's Vineyard, they are a great help to post-abortive women still in suffering over the trauma and guilt. http://www.rachelsvineyard.com

The reality is: abortion has harmed more women than it has helped. It is truly the work of the Devil as Mother Teresa has said.