Posted on 08/10/2006 4:13:23 PM PDT by Fishtalk
Below is a little missive I ripped out just as soon as I heard about MS. Magazine’s attempts to recruit abortion supporters by asking them to supply their names and their stories.
In a fit, an absolute fit of pique, I typed up my own abortion story. Then I saved it on the hard drive and pondered all week how to deal with my narrative of anger and angst.
I don’t want to put it on my own Blog as frankly-MS. Magazine doesn’t realize this-I am certainly not at all proud of my story.
Yet I wonder if the millions of women (yes, I bet there are that many) who had abortions REALLY told their story, well I wonder if MS. Magazine would be so damn smug with itself on this cause they champion so proudly.
Abortion is NEVER a happy thing, no mind the harpies who brought us this so-called “constitutional right”.
I also pondered the consequences of both identifying myself AND the male player in my sordid tale. I don’t want to get sued.
Still considering and steaming with a message that I desperately want to share, I think of submitting it to one of the online Blogs and punditry sites. But I get concerned. It might not be something they want to post and then I would have gone and identified myself to complete strangers for nothing.
So I decided to post my story in its entirety right here on FreeRepublic. Understand I am scared senseless to do this as I am a right regular poster on this site and really don’t want to be judged harshly.
Then again, when a story sits and boils inside, well it keeps boiling inside.
Below is my own abortion story in response to MS. Magazine’s request. Anyone may link to this post if it is deemed worthy. Someday I might get brave enough to post it on my Blog. If I’m lucky maybe no one will see this story and hey, I still worry about the guy involved in all this. No I didn’t put his name but he’ll know it’s him. Just hope I don’t get sued.
Understand also that this happened to me thirty years ago. Yes indeed, yon ladies and gems, I was a fresh young thing. Roe versus Wade had just been decided. I was bright, happening and intelligent. I was a liberated woman.
Now let MS. Magazine know how a woman feels deep into mid-life when past deeds are re-visited and thought processes change.
Do you think I should send my abortion story to them?
Do You Really Want to Know About My Abortion?
"Ms. Magazine's latest pro-abortion message invites women and girls who have undergone the procedure to submit their names for inclusion in the magazine and sign an online petition stating that "I have had an abortion."The petition targets the recent South Dakota abortion ban, which has been stayed until voters in the state decide on the November ballot whether they want to overturn the ban."
So this missive passes over my Internet-surfing monitor and I pause.
Ms. Magazine. Once upon a time I subscribed to Ms. Magazine. Was a subscriber for over ten years. Once upon a time I was a women's libber of the highest order. Once upon a time I had an abortion and now is the time for me to step right up, be a "manly man" about it, and tell my story.
Ms. Magazine is not going to like it all.
In my pause I ponder publicly identifying myself. For as the article in the link indicates, women are very reluctant to admit beyond girlfriend confidences that they have had an abortion. Although Ms. Magazine and the feminists behind it truly want women to be proud of that which they have managed to gain for the females of this nation: that of abortion on demand. Once upon a time I thought this was a very neat thing. It was 1976, a mere five years after the Supreme Court invented the new abortion right that they somehow saw in our constitution. I was a fresh 25 years of age, divorced and heartbroken after my childhood sweetheart and husband left me. I had a very good job, my own home, was three years into college, night school and it was tough, and not at all unattractive in that manner of 25 year old females. Hey, I was happening, hip, cool and all that the feminists should have adored.
Next I must ponder, seriously, telling my story in any public fashion for fear of identifying the male involved in this abortion. Not that I know if he can do anything about it, like sue me or anything. And not that I've laid eyeballs on him for almost 30 years, but if he should read the story, he will know it is him. Though I won't give his name, I'm not going to be kind to him at all.
So I will identify myself via a link to my Blog. I will not post this to my Blog but I will show some courage because, well Ms. Magazine wants me to and I can't let down Gloria Steinham, who was part and parcel of my own abortion experience.
His name was Gregory (NOT!) and he came into my life when my life had finally settled down after my sad divorce. I had a house, a result of my divorce settlement. Gregory had a job with a government contractor which paid well. We were both college educated, free, monetarily secure and we talked of a future together. We often talked of our future children, which Gregory would refer to as "little Yegory" in a play on his name. I knew what I wanted: a happy marriage, perhaps two children, my college degree and a good job. Gregory knew what I wanted as I often told him. What I wanted was fairly typical of females my age although it was archaic to admit it in that era of raging feminism.
It's no mind how on earth I got pregnant because birth control pills were widely available. I don't know why I didn't use them but I did use some form of birth control. Which didn't work.
Because I was young and had no children as of yet, I wasn't paying attention to such as cycles. At some point the pregnancy advanced beyond the first trimester before even my naïve self got a clue. We didn't have pregnancy tests that could bought in the grocery thus it was a way bigger deal to check a possible pregnancy test than it is today.
There was little time. On Wednesday I found out I was pregnant and on the following Friday I had an abortion.
Gregory, sweet thing, had arranged the whole thing. As I recall, earlier that week Gregory told me to please don't call him at work with the pregnancy test results and I told him I wouldn't. It would "upset" him. As I recall, when I got the results from the doctor I called Gregory right up and told him because why should only I know? Goes to Gregory's character.
My company-paid health insurance covered the abortion but there was a $200 deductible. Which Gregory paid out his own pocket, driving over fifty miles to the hospital that would be doing the abortion because they wouldn't even schedule a room until the deductible was paid. Goodness Gregory even spent the night at my house the night before the abortion (no, we didn't live together) as he was "concerned" for me.
Come the Friday, Gregory helped me to the car and drove steadily and purposefully to the abortion clinic.
Why did Gregory and I choose to have an abortion? Frankly, I have no idea. I do know that when something so monumental happens and there is only a space of two days to make a decision, common sense and morality sometimes goes out the window. I also know that Gregory suggested the abortion because he wasn't "ready" and as my young self saw it, I didn't want to have a baby with a man of age 35 who wasn't "ready". Had I more time to think about it, had Gregory not jumped through every hoop on the planet to facilitate all this, had the abortion clinic not been in such a hurry for as it was they were pushing the limit with my abortion then well beyond the first trimester, had any or all of these things changed in terms of the timing, I don't think I would have had that abortion.
Which does not matter, frankly, because Gregory and I are both murderers and it isn't easy admitting you're a murderer. To add to the intrigue, Gregory was a dyed-in-the-wool Conservative, was even a member of the John Birch society. He regularly ranted about politics, liberals and the coming domination of the Communists. I was, a sweet, young and dewy-eyed thing, a liberal. This was during the era of Richard Nixon. I brazenly put a bumper sticker on my car that read "Don't Blame Me, I Didn't Vote For Him". Gregory ripped the bumper sticker off of my car, my car! Right in my own driveway in front of my own house!
We fought about politics all the time-I the liberal, he the "manly man" conservative. I urge anyone reading this to visit my Blog as this is not meant as a slam against male conservatives. I am much older now, and much wiser. Gregory was no manly-man and now I truly understand the definition of the term.
The man killed his own child.
Gloria Steinham and Ms Magazine aren't going to like this at all.
After the abortion, which was so painful that I suffered physically for almost a month afterward, Gregory and I continued to see each other but not for long. I threw Gregory over the bow just as soon as I could because, hey, he was a creep and a hypocrite. At some point we've all been there and done that.
I am quite sure that Gregory has never been married because, well that was the whole problem as any discerning reader, especially female readers, could see way up in this missive. To his "credit", I suppose, Gregory did have quite the mental breakdown after that abortion and begged me to forgive him. While I, in the meantime, waited until an appropriate amount of time then I dumped him. He threatened to kill himself. He called my co-workers and begged them to put me on the phone. Finally I had to call his parents and ask them to please go over there and deal with Gregory. I was nice about it and everything but Gregory was out of my life and it was my legal right to decide this.
As for me, I went on to get married and I did have a daughter. A daughter who would not be here if it were not for that abortion. Had I not had that abortion I would have been giving birth to Gregory's baby around the time my daughter was conceived. I've often justified that abortion by rationalizing that one child was lost but another child was born that wouldn't have been.
What a crock.
Hey, Ms. Magazine...that's my abortion story. If you really cared about the females you purportedly represent, you'd have ensured that pregnant women considering an abortion would have a required length of time before actually undergoing the procedure. If you really cared about the females you represent, you would have set term limits and prevented women like me from aborting a child that might well have survived outside the womb. If you really cared about the females you represent, you'd have demanded counseling and care for women like me who have Gregorys behind the scenes and pulling the strings. Gregory likes Ms. Magazine, however.
I changed fate, God's plan, and murdered a baby. While I might be tough on Gregory, I admit my part in the crime. I can't change it and for sure I will pay some eternal price for it after my death. Not to mention the hurt and pain I suffer when I ponder what that little life would have been had it not had two of the most selfish parents on the planet.
It's not nice. Not nice at all.
That's my abortion story.
Without the right to live then none of us would have any rights at all! It's #1!
In case this has not been mentioned previously on this thread, Rachel's Vineyard is a ministry to help heal the pain or shame of having had an abortion.
Living with the secret of an abortion is compared to being in a swimming pool and holding a beach ball under water. It can be done, but it must be done continuously, with both hands, which will limit all other things that one might do.
MS magazine might be very surprised to find out what they have released, when many women who were young in the seventies, such as you, address their emotioal stories.
http://www.rachelsvineyard.org/
New book
Rachel's Vineyard announces the publication of Forbidden Grief: The Unspoken Pain of Abortion, by Theresa Burke, Ph.D., with David Reardon, Ph.D.
Forbidden Grief: The Unspoken Pain of Abortion tells the stories and shares the insights that psychotherapist Theresa Burke has learned from the men and women who came to her because they hurt inside after abortion.
Your story moved me to tears. I never had an abortion, but a roommate of mine after college did. I noticed that she had been really down and out of sorts. I asked her if she was okay. She needed to talk to someone, so she begged me not to reveal what she was about to tell me. I promised. She confided in me that she was pregnant, a result of a one-night stand with an acquaintance of hers. I suggested adoption, she thought that was a ridiculous option. She couldn't bear the shame of being pregnant for 9 mos and having the world know of her slip. The guy argued that it wasn't a baby, only a clump of cells and was gallant enough to pony up the money to pay for the abortion. If I'm not mistaken, he drove her there as well. Even called her after she came back to make sure she was okay. What a guy!
My sin in all of this? I kept her secret. I should have told her sister or her mother, but I was an idiot. I was and still am pro-life. For some reason, I felt bound to keep the promise that I wouldn't tell anyone. I often wonder if I could have saved that baby by telling her sister or her mother, then again, they may have thought it best as well. If I had to do it over again, I would have told her sister. I'm sorry I let that baby down.
For your grief, you should try Rachel's Vineyard. They do retreats to help women come to grips with their abortions. I pray for your spiritual and emotional healing.
It must have meant a lot to her and it was obviously also important to you too.
She must have been tremendously brave, as you say.
However, I am sure there are rape victims who are maybe not quite so brave, whose actions in a similar situation might have been different.
Abortion stops a beating heart. In my book, that's murder.
Would you murder your 7 year old child if she were raped by a family member?
If not, then why your 9 month old preborn child?
Please explain this to me?
That's one poll that Ms. Magazine would never take. The fact that so many have such deep regrets tells the real story of what abortion is...and we will be Silent No More!
http://www.silentnomoreawareness.org
I've had this issue addressed to me by others. I have no answers. No answers at all.
If I were to be honest I'd admit that it's all an issue based on pure emotion and that's never a way to make a decision.
But I can see the sight bites now. A weeping woman describes, perhaps on Oprah, how she was brutally raped and now, because the law no longer allows for abortion, so now she must also endure the indignity of bearing her rapist's child.
Over on Larry King we have a 14 year old girl sobbing and detailing incest on her by her own father and again, because the law has changed and abortion is illegal, she has to suffer through bearing a possibly malformed child.
Hey, THIS sort of thing is how abortion came into being anyway. I was around when all that came down. The big thing was women dying from coat-hanger assisted, back-alley abortions.
The big lie with the above manipulation of public opinion by pure emotionalism is that incest/rape abortions are such a small fraction of abortions in this country, perhaps even nil what with the morning after pill and everything.
Hey, it's how the liberals do things. They find some compelling sight bite and play it to the hilt.
Even so, please don't expect me to have answers. Frankly I don't think many of us have all the answers.
But you know what? I'd rather a bunch of us average citizens sit and argue, yell, scream or whatever, than a slew of judges who know nothing or politicos looking for re-election, doing all the deciding here. This abortion issue as it sits all ugly and a great big elephant in the room, is what we get when judges decide things.
Did you know most other countries on this planet, indeed even the socialist ones, have SOME limits on gestation term for legal abortion. Which we do NOT have here in the U.S. because judges, well judges should not be making law, I think we can all agree on this. Thus we have full term babies ripped from their mothers' wombs and God it all just makes me sick as hell.
So I say I am STILL for legal abortion but no, I'm not. 99.9% of the time abortion is not justified. But you can bet that liberals will find that .1% of the time when something questionable or debateable comes up and Oprah will have every woman in this country once again demanding abortion be allowed.
I have no answers. No answers at all. But I do know how liberals operated. And if you really want to win a cause against them it's like any war, you have to anticipate what your enemy will do.
I've been a liberal. I know how they operate.
Thank you for your story and I agree with your points. Don't let people here preach to you as most of them can only say what they THINK they would have done in a similar situation. Similarly, in cases of domestic violence, people can say, 'oh, I would have got out of the relationship early on' but they cannot possibly know how things would have turned out.
I don't disagree with you. I know of two cases of teenage girls who, for whatever reasons, did not trust themselve enough to have been able to confide in their parents. While the stepmom was concerned and to some extent a little suspicious about one of them, it wasn't until the girls were both married and had kids of their own that for some reason they let the stepmom know. Later they told their dad..It could have been the influence of other teens, the biofather ..who knows but at 18.....
The sad thing for both of them is that they each carried baggage from that event into their marriages...While they are wonderful moms and dedicated wives, they have their own emotional hell. My friend did say that once the girls fessed up, though years later, it made things clear as to the behaviours they displayed or philosphies they held.
Fishtalk...our hearts go out to you.
You may not be at the point to agree with our stance that life begins at conception, and should be protected & nurtured....regardless of the circumstances.
...maybe one day you will.
Incest/rape...yes they happen.
..and yes, the percentage is very very small that pregnancy results from this trauma....
..although sometimes it does.
Thanks for sharing your story. I know it must be hard. I wish more women, and men for that matter, would do so. I expect they don't because, like you, they are ashamed of what they did, as they should be, or the pain is simply too great to relive. Women need to hear it though. Somehow, I don't think it will turn up in Ms. magazine.
Would you clarify: you support re-criminalizing abortion except in cases of rape and some other cases, or you support the present abortion on demand regime but would advize most women against such choice?
Here you only argued for the right to abortion after a rape, but on LF you said that you applaud the right to choose an abortion in principle (link at 218).
What point are you trying to make seems to me has no relevance to fishtalk story.
Different set of circumstances
Thank you for citing my LF posts. Would you like me to cite some of yours, Mr Tourette's Syndrome?
You are brave for sharing and I thank you. I think many people have known someone who has experienced the regrets of an abortion. Some are close friends, some are only remotely known.
No one I know in my circle is w/o regrets, and a very close female friend still has some serious issues from her decision of several years ago.
Thanks again. Your post makes me understand her position just a bit better.
Aloha, Fishtalk!! As always, I seem to be late to the story.
I tend to forget about the 'nags' and was never a follower but I do remember their power and their hate during the '70's and 80's and thinking the nags and the movement did much damage to women.
If we were sitting together I would say - don't be hard on yourself! And thank you for getting this message out there and in discussion. This is very healthy.
From reading the posts it looks like you have started something and your life has/will take a new direction.
I know you are up to it.
Good Luck!!!
But don't get so busy you don't have time for FR
Please share your story in a national media publication.
I doubt Ms Magazine will print it.
But you should get published if you can.
I asked you a relevant question; can you answer?
I don't care what you cite of me.
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