Posted on 08/10/2006 4:13:23 PM PDT by Fishtalk
Below is a little missive I ripped out just as soon as I heard about MS. Magazine’s attempts to recruit abortion supporters by asking them to supply their names and their stories.
In a fit, an absolute fit of pique, I typed up my own abortion story. Then I saved it on the hard drive and pondered all week how to deal with my narrative of anger and angst.
I don’t want to put it on my own Blog as frankly-MS. Magazine doesn’t realize this-I am certainly not at all proud of my story.
Yet I wonder if the millions of women (yes, I bet there are that many) who had abortions REALLY told their story, well I wonder if MS. Magazine would be so damn smug with itself on this cause they champion so proudly.
Abortion is NEVER a happy thing, no mind the harpies who brought us this so-called “constitutional right”.
I also pondered the consequences of both identifying myself AND the male player in my sordid tale. I don’t want to get sued.
Still considering and steaming with a message that I desperately want to share, I think of submitting it to one of the online Blogs and punditry sites. But I get concerned. It might not be something they want to post and then I would have gone and identified myself to complete strangers for nothing.
So I decided to post my story in its entirety right here on FreeRepublic. Understand I am scared senseless to do this as I am a right regular poster on this site and really don’t want to be judged harshly.
Then again, when a story sits and boils inside, well it keeps boiling inside.
Below is my own abortion story in response to MS. Magazine’s request. Anyone may link to this post if it is deemed worthy. Someday I might get brave enough to post it on my Blog. If I’m lucky maybe no one will see this story and hey, I still worry about the guy involved in all this. No I didn’t put his name but he’ll know it’s him. Just hope I don’t get sued.
Understand also that this happened to me thirty years ago. Yes indeed, yon ladies and gems, I was a fresh young thing. Roe versus Wade had just been decided. I was bright, happening and intelligent. I was a liberated woman.
Now let MS. Magazine know how a woman feels deep into mid-life when past deeds are re-visited and thought processes change.
Do you think I should send my abortion story to them?
Do You Really Want to Know About My Abortion?
"Ms. Magazine's latest pro-abortion message invites women and girls who have undergone the procedure to submit their names for inclusion in the magazine and sign an online petition stating that "I have had an abortion."The petition targets the recent South Dakota abortion ban, which has been stayed until voters in the state decide on the November ballot whether they want to overturn the ban."
So this missive passes over my Internet-surfing monitor and I pause.
Ms. Magazine. Once upon a time I subscribed to Ms. Magazine. Was a subscriber for over ten years. Once upon a time I was a women's libber of the highest order. Once upon a time I had an abortion and now is the time for me to step right up, be a "manly man" about it, and tell my story.
Ms. Magazine is not going to like it all.
In my pause I ponder publicly identifying myself. For as the article in the link indicates, women are very reluctant to admit beyond girlfriend confidences that they have had an abortion. Although Ms. Magazine and the feminists behind it truly want women to be proud of that which they have managed to gain for the females of this nation: that of abortion on demand. Once upon a time I thought this was a very neat thing. It was 1976, a mere five years after the Supreme Court invented the new abortion right that they somehow saw in our constitution. I was a fresh 25 years of age, divorced and heartbroken after my childhood sweetheart and husband left me. I had a very good job, my own home, was three years into college, night school and it was tough, and not at all unattractive in that manner of 25 year old females. Hey, I was happening, hip, cool and all that the feminists should have adored.
Next I must ponder, seriously, telling my story in any public fashion for fear of identifying the male involved in this abortion. Not that I know if he can do anything about it, like sue me or anything. And not that I've laid eyeballs on him for almost 30 years, but if he should read the story, he will know it is him. Though I won't give his name, I'm not going to be kind to him at all.
So I will identify myself via a link to my Blog. I will not post this to my Blog but I will show some courage because, well Ms. Magazine wants me to and I can't let down Gloria Steinham, who was part and parcel of my own abortion experience.
His name was Gregory (NOT!) and he came into my life when my life had finally settled down after my sad divorce. I had a house, a result of my divorce settlement. Gregory had a job with a government contractor which paid well. We were both college educated, free, monetarily secure and we talked of a future together. We often talked of our future children, which Gregory would refer to as "little Yegory" in a play on his name. I knew what I wanted: a happy marriage, perhaps two children, my college degree and a good job. Gregory knew what I wanted as I often told him. What I wanted was fairly typical of females my age although it was archaic to admit it in that era of raging feminism.
It's no mind how on earth I got pregnant because birth control pills were widely available. I don't know why I didn't use them but I did use some form of birth control. Which didn't work.
Because I was young and had no children as of yet, I wasn't paying attention to such as cycles. At some point the pregnancy advanced beyond the first trimester before even my naïve self got a clue. We didn't have pregnancy tests that could bought in the grocery thus it was a way bigger deal to check a possible pregnancy test than it is today.
There was little time. On Wednesday I found out I was pregnant and on the following Friday I had an abortion.
Gregory, sweet thing, had arranged the whole thing. As I recall, earlier that week Gregory told me to please don't call him at work with the pregnancy test results and I told him I wouldn't. It would "upset" him. As I recall, when I got the results from the doctor I called Gregory right up and told him because why should only I know? Goes to Gregory's character.
My company-paid health insurance covered the abortion but there was a $200 deductible. Which Gregory paid out his own pocket, driving over fifty miles to the hospital that would be doing the abortion because they wouldn't even schedule a room until the deductible was paid. Goodness Gregory even spent the night at my house the night before the abortion (no, we didn't live together) as he was "concerned" for me.
Come the Friday, Gregory helped me to the car and drove steadily and purposefully to the abortion clinic.
Why did Gregory and I choose to have an abortion? Frankly, I have no idea. I do know that when something so monumental happens and there is only a space of two days to make a decision, common sense and morality sometimes goes out the window. I also know that Gregory suggested the abortion because he wasn't "ready" and as my young self saw it, I didn't want to have a baby with a man of age 35 who wasn't "ready". Had I more time to think about it, had Gregory not jumped through every hoop on the planet to facilitate all this, had the abortion clinic not been in such a hurry for as it was they were pushing the limit with my abortion then well beyond the first trimester, had any or all of these things changed in terms of the timing, I don't think I would have had that abortion.
Which does not matter, frankly, because Gregory and I are both murderers and it isn't easy admitting you're a murderer. To add to the intrigue, Gregory was a dyed-in-the-wool Conservative, was even a member of the John Birch society. He regularly ranted about politics, liberals and the coming domination of the Communists. I was, a sweet, young and dewy-eyed thing, a liberal. This was during the era of Richard Nixon. I brazenly put a bumper sticker on my car that read "Don't Blame Me, I Didn't Vote For Him". Gregory ripped the bumper sticker off of my car, my car! Right in my own driveway in front of my own house!
We fought about politics all the time-I the liberal, he the "manly man" conservative. I urge anyone reading this to visit my Blog as this is not meant as a slam against male conservatives. I am much older now, and much wiser. Gregory was no manly-man and now I truly understand the definition of the term.
The man killed his own child.
Gloria Steinham and Ms Magazine aren't going to like this at all.
After the abortion, which was so painful that I suffered physically for almost a month afterward, Gregory and I continued to see each other but not for long. I threw Gregory over the bow just as soon as I could because, hey, he was a creep and a hypocrite. At some point we've all been there and done that.
I am quite sure that Gregory has never been married because, well that was the whole problem as any discerning reader, especially female readers, could see way up in this missive. To his "credit", I suppose, Gregory did have quite the mental breakdown after that abortion and begged me to forgive him. While I, in the meantime, waited until an appropriate amount of time then I dumped him. He threatened to kill himself. He called my co-workers and begged them to put me on the phone. Finally I had to call his parents and ask them to please go over there and deal with Gregory. I was nice about it and everything but Gregory was out of my life and it was my legal right to decide this.
As for me, I went on to get married and I did have a daughter. A daughter who would not be here if it were not for that abortion. Had I not had that abortion I would have been giving birth to Gregory's baby around the time my daughter was conceived. I've often justified that abortion by rationalizing that one child was lost but another child was born that wouldn't have been.
What a crock.
Hey, Ms. Magazine...that's my abortion story. If you really cared about the females you purportedly represent, you'd have ensured that pregnant women considering an abortion would have a required length of time before actually undergoing the procedure. If you really cared about the females you represent, you would have set term limits and prevented women like me from aborting a child that might well have survived outside the womb. If you really cared about the females you represent, you'd have demanded counseling and care for women like me who have Gregorys behind the scenes and pulling the strings. Gregory likes Ms. Magazine, however.
I changed fate, God's plan, and murdered a baby. While I might be tough on Gregory, I admit my part in the crime. I can't change it and for sure I will pay some eternal price for it after my death. Not to mention the hurt and pain I suffer when I ponder what that little life would have been had it not had two of the most selfish parents on the planet.
It's not nice. Not nice at all.
That's my abortion story.
And even more adamantly and vigorously pro-death-to-Terri.
"So I speak truth to the power of those NAGS who have grown so darn powerful they've completely lost touch with the women they represent.
They don't have one damn clue"
Have you heard of these fine ladies?
http://www.feministsforlife.org
People are posting about Jesus and forgiveness because this is the most tremendous consolation we can offer a person who has hurt herself in heart and soul by her own wrongdoing.
What do you expect Christian FReepers to say? ("Hi, girlfriend, nice story there. And as for your blood-guilt--- hey, no big deal")?
If a Jewish person wanted to get on this thread and talk about moral repentance in the light of Yom Kippur, or a Hindu wanted to chime in about ahimsa (the moral law of doing no harm to a sentient being) or a secular person wanted to offer insights on ethical behavior, I doubt that any of the Christians would be offended.
As it stands, these Christian testimonies are a direct and compassionate response to pain. I can't see how a reasonable person would resent that.
Dear Pat, the outpouring of your grief, anguish and anger is palpable. My heart aches for you. You know, courage is not the absence of fear, it is acting the right way in spite of fear, and overcoming it. That courage is what you demonstrated in posting your story. Please, for your own sake, and possibly for the sake of others that you may be able to help down the road, look at the links provided to help you by pray4liberty at #100, and by hocndoc at #112. Please use that same courage, in spite of your fear, to get the help that is available to you. There really is forgiveness and the peace that comes from it.
Blessings upon you.
Cordially,
I understand your sentiments, dear cyborg, but I disagree that abortion will always be legal. There was a time (pre-Roe) when the state laws in ALL 50 states offered some degree of protection to vulnerable babies and their mothers. If America ever reclaims a solid foundation of law and justice, it will do so again.
Maybe. But only if it could be done without the "baby killer" rhetoric. Look at it this way: This is an open forum, and a pretty decent microcosm of the whole wide world. If we tag someone on the forum as a baby killer because she is unrepenant about what she has done--well, she's not going to be the only one to read it, right? Just like the real world. If we shout those words in the real world, it is not just going to be the unrepenant who hear, right? There will be women out there, just as there are women on this forum, who are still so tattered by what they have done that just a whisper of those words will make them clam up, and that is tremendously sad. It is sad because a lot of these women are good Christian women who are desperately in need of forgiveness, and they do not yet understand how to get on that path (most of them are on it and don't even realize it). It is also sad because they hear or read those words and are terrified of sharing their experiences, lest they suffer the slings and arrows of pro-lifers. It is hard to bear witness to the atrocity under those circumstances, and these women have to be able to speak freely about what having an abortion does to a woman. We know what abortion does to the unborn. It is unspeakably heinous. Most of us have seen the pictures, the diagrams...but we've never really seen a picture of a woman's soul after an abortion has ripped it to shreds, have we?
We simply cannot silence these women, even if it means the unrepenant go unchallenged. In the end, they don't go unchallenged, after all.
Here is more testimony from women who have had abortions...
http://www.silentnomoreawareness.org/testimonies/index.html
Oh, I strongly agree. You're quite right about that, stands2reason, and it's an important point.
But, speaking for myself, I wasn't a responding to an "issue" on this thread. I was responding to a woman with a big hurt in her heart. Shame on me, if I knew the Healer of Hearts and did not tell her about him.
I would guess that many women are still processing their experience for years afterward. I recommend my friend Annie Gottlieb's excellent blog, especially "The AmbivAbortion Rant, Part I" (and Parts II and III)
http://ambivablog.typepad.com/ambivablog/2005/01/note_this_essay.html
I mean this in all sincerity: she reminds me of you. Do go there and dig into it. She ob viously does her own thinking. Extremely honest, intelligent, original writing!
She's not a snapshot. She's a moving picture. So are you.
I wanted to make sure you saw this--very powerful.
I wrote my story out for SNM several years ago, and I have been wanting to update it. Crazy, right? After 19 years, the story continues.
Bless you.
Well, one has to be clear that it is the sin and not the sinner that is being condemned, in the overall message. But awareness of sin is a necessary motivator for repentance.
Also, understand that one repents to God. One does not have to repent publicly. If by broadcasting "baby killer" 100 guilty ones come to private repentance and 100 pro-aborts rethink their "choices" in the abstract in light of the murder accusation, but 1 who was ready with a testimony does not make it for fear of invective, it is a good outcome.
"And that relates to this story...how, exactly? Are you saying your glad your brother was killed? He wasn't a "potential son". He WAS as son."
I'm pointing out that there can be positive consequences to abortion.
"I wrote my story out for SNM several years ago, and I have been wanting to update it. Crazy, right? After 19 years, the story continues."
Not crazy at all. As we get older we look back on past events with new perspective.
Good luck....truth is always needed.
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