>"There isn't. Widows go on forever, widowers croak when their 'caretakers' aren't there to be their mommies any more."
Malarkey. In a good marriage, you are EACH OTHER's caretakers.<
Of which there are precious few. The 'caretaker' who acts as a mommy for an otherwise sane, healthy adult [the world outside has no idea he hasn't bought his own underwear in 30 years] is a commonplace. I don't any men who take care of healthy wives in this fashion. This is simply a societal norm.
Then I guess my wife and I and many other couples we know are highly unusual. I'm sorry about whatever experiences you've had to make you such a sour person, but things aren't nearly as bad as you paint them. I haven't needed a "mommy" since I left home for college (and yes, I've bought all my own underwear), but I HAVE had periods of illness when my wife had to "clean up my messes"--just as she has had similar periods when I had to do so. It goes with being married.
I just happened upon this thread, but had to jump in and respond to your comment. A man in his late 80s at our church recently lost his wife of 60+ years. For the last twenty or so of those years, his wife had Parkinson's disease. He took care of this woman in his home for that whole time. I didn't meet him until his wife was almost completely bedridden and was no longer able to talk or feed herself. Words are not adequate to describe what it was like to be in his presence when he was taking care of his wife. At one point during our visit that first day, he put his wife into her wheelchair and brought her to the kitchen table with us. He put his arm around her and kissed her over and over and referred to her as his girlfriend. I had all I could do to keep my eyes dry. He let my young children give her her medicine through her feeding tube. We listened to him describe the kind of care he provided. He never slept in a bed. He slept (more like napped) outside her room in his armchair so that he could jump up whenever she needed him. He did this for years on end and never got a full night's sleep. He did have a visiting nurse who would come a few hours a week, but he refused to leave his wife even when the nurse was there.
I know that this isn't the norm, but I am glad I had the privelege (and so did my children) of seeing a man lovingly take care of his wife "in sickness and in health" and "to death do us part."
OK...I just reread your comment. It was about "healthy" wives. But, I think I'll leave my story there anyways. Something tells me that he was as good to her in health as he was in sickness.
And by the way, my husband and I are nothing like the husbands and wives you decribe, nor are any of the people in my circle of friends. Weird. :-)