Shut up & walk your lobster (Whole Foods Considers Stopping Lobster Sales)

Austin American Statesman ^ | 6/13/06 | John Kelso

[Cat loving Texan]

No wonder people think this town is goofy. The Whole Foods Market chain headquartered here in Austin is thinking about stopping the sale of live lobsters because it could be cruel to the lobsters.

"We're reviewing the entire process literally from boat to plate to see if we can make some significant improvement in that whole supply process," Whole Foods spokeswoman Kate Lowery said.

One way Whole Foods could make some significant improvement would be to release all the lobsters into Town Lake. That way I could collect them and eat them.

Still, on Thursday the Whole Foods leadership will discuss whether to discontinue marketing live lobsters because the lobsters may not be getting humane treatment. At issue here is what people do with the lobsters when they take them home — that is, boil them and dip them in drawn butter. "It's ultimately how they're handled by the consumer after they go home that's a concern," Lowery said.

What are we supposed to do? Give them names like Larry the Lobster and take them for a walk?

Then there's the problem of the lobster's in-store living conditions. Whole Foods would like the lobsters to have an environment similar to their natural habitat.

"They like dark areas, and they like solitary," Lowery said. "You can imagine how they would go and kind of burrow into rocks, creating their own space." I think I went drinking once in a place like that in the Warehouse District.

Lowery added that at some point Whole Foods will also address the ticklish issue of selling live clams.

Are you concerned about clams' feelings? Have you ever had a conversation with a clam? Wait. Let me rephrase that. Have you ever had a conversation with a clam when you weren't on acid?

If the answer is yes, get a job at Whole Foods.

Another concern is the way children bother the lobsters by tapping on the lobster tank glass. I don't care about that. But I wish science could figure a way to put children on mute and vibrate, like with a cell phone. Now there's a concept that would sell.

Anyway, I went over to the Whole Foods store to see if the live lobsters are getting a bum deal in the seafood section. Actually, the lobsters are getting off easy. They're still kickin'. It's the tilapia and salmon that are getting screwed. The tilapia have been hacked to pieces, and the wild salmon have been mushed up with spinach and feta cheese and turned into burgers.

Ain't a vet in town could bring these salmon back. And you're telling me the lobsters have a bum deal?

One of the problems, said the guy working at the Whole Foods fish counter, is that they can't feed the lobsters in the tank. "When you eat, you then poop, and this creates a dirty tank," he said. Yeah, I've noticed that connection. Maybe Whole Foods could hand the lobsters some bum wad.

Another problem, the seafood counter guy said, is the way lobsters are transported to the store. "They're put in a box and wrapped tightly with wet newspaper over the lobster," he said.

So Whole Foods could pick up the lobster in a limo. At the prices they charge, they could afford it.

John Kelso's column appears on Sundays, Tuesdays and Fridays. Contact him at 445-3606 or jkelso@statesman.com.

[capt.P]

I hesitate to add this, but I guess I'm in a safe place... We once removed the distal ganglion (the 'brain-' like section) from an anesthetized lobster, cauterized the surgical site, sealed it with epoxy, and threw the lobster back in a tank. Other than the fact that the lobster walked very carefully, it lived and ate for a little less than a week... when the boss ate it.

[JMS]

Here's the thing, cooking a dead lobster makes for bad eating! They get very bitter once they die. At least when you're cooking live lobster you're getting your hands dirty and killing something to eat. Those who don't want to get their hands dirty - go to a restaurant. Whole Foods should be selling food not PETA propoganda.

[Calvin Locke]

Here's a link http://www.cbc.ca/quirks/archives/05-06/jun24.html#3 to a piece on sick spiny lobsters, er, "bugs". I usually listen to the show on shortwave, but missed it yesterday. I get the RSS just in case, and download the more interesting segments.