Summer's coming on rather warmly . . . there must be someone around who'll have a couple of very large zucchini's that would fit very snugly in both ends.
We could put a tag on one zucchini--
"WORST TRAITOR--OTHER THAN BILLDO AND SHRILLERY."
and a tag on the other end:
"WORST EGOMANIACAL IDIOT--EXCEPT FOR SHRILLERY"
Then get a SugarMama look-alike to parade him around DC clad in only zucchini, "small" sized jock strap obviously way too large . . . on a leather leash.
I think I'd better go to pottery. The sun must be getting to me from gardening.