In that first picture of him when he was still alive, al-Zarqawi looks really depressed, like he knows what is coming.
[Zarqawi reclining on a couch talking to his Imam/therapist] : "Imam, I just can't shake this feeling of doom. I keep having this dream that I am in heaven making love to 72 virgins--but then, still in the dream, I wake to find that I am hugging a large metal object with fins at one end and a glowing red eye at the other. What does this mean?"
Imam: "Zarqawi, my son, this is nothing to be worried about, the Koran says: Allah is the guardian of those who believe. He brings them out of the darkness into the light; and (as to) those who disbelieve, their guardians are Shaitans who take them out of the light into the darkness; they are the inmates of the fire, in it they shall abide. "
Zarqawi: "Uh, OK. But the Americans have night vision. And I think that red thingy on the metal tube might be something like that."
Imam: "Not to worry, you are a great battle leader. The Koran says: Urge the believers to war; if there are twenty patient ones of you they shall overcome two hundred, and if there are a hundred of you they shall overcome a thousand of those who disbelieve, because they are a people who do not understand. "
Zarqawi: "about that... I seem to keep losing my number two guys, and we got a pretty heavy turnover on the numbers 3 and 4, too. And recruiting has been down all over the place. I keep cutting people's heads off to show them how serious I am but it doesn't seem to be helping."
Imam: "Have faith! Mohammed assures us, Yea! If you remain patient and are on your guard, and they come upon you in a headlong, your Lord will assist you with five thousand of the havoc-making angles. "
Zarqawi: "Still waiting on the Angels."
Imam: "The Prophet tell us: I will cast terror into the hearts of those who disbelieve. Therefore strike off their heads and strike off every fingertip of them... "
Zarqawi: "Done that. A lot."
Imam: “Hmmm... give me a second... Aha! here we go. Allah says: And whoever kills a believer intentionally, his punishment is hell; he shall abide in it, and Allah will send His wrath on him and curse him and prepare for him a painful chastisement. "
Zarqawi: "Uh... that means someone who believes in our cause, right?"
Imam: "It means anyone who accepts the word of the Prophet, the messenger of Allah. Why do you ask?"
Zarqawi: "Well... I, we, might have killed a few believers... at least they said they were... and you know how it is with car bombs and markets. But I'm pretty sure they were all collaborators. You know how women and children can be."
Imam: "Be at ease. The koran says: And do not kill any one whom Allah has forbidden, except for a just cause, and whoever is slain unjustly, We have indeed given to his heir authority, so let him not exceed the just limits in slaying. "
Zarqawi: "Limits? You never said anything about limits. Just what are we talking about here? I need a number. Not that I'm keeping a count or anything, but I'd like to know. And does that only refer to the heads I whacked myself, or does it include those killed on my orders?"
[Imam's cell phone rings]: "Omar speaking... Really?... Right now?... Yes. Immediately. Thank you."
Zarqawi: "Who was that?"
Imam: "My secretary. It turns out out I'm late for an urgent meeting. I must go. Say five prayers and call me in the morning. No. Don't get up, I'll let myself out."
[Zarqawi calling after the Imam who is sprinting for the door]: "Don't go! I have more questions... I'm still worried about that big red eye in my dream..."
BLAM!
