Posted on 05/30/2006 1:11:02 PM PDT by billorites
THE white dad whose wife had Asian twins in an IVF blunder told yesterday how his son declared: I want to be pink like you, Daddy.
He said he replied: Well, I want to be brown like you thats why I sit out in the sun. He laughed at that. The dad and his white wife, who we will call Mr and Mrs A, were speaking for the first time since The Suns world exclusive 2002 story about the test tube bungle. We told then how the twins, now six, were born after an Asian mans sperm was wrongly used to impregnate eggs from Mrs A at a fertility clinic run by Leeds NHS Trust. Yesterday Mr and Mrs A, both 35, revealed their life is an extraordinary mixture of TORMENT over the mix-up coupled with JOY at having two beautiful children they love to bits. In an emotional interview the couple, who cannot be identified by law, also told how they were: THRUST into a nightmare that shattered their world and threatened their marriage. STILL surviving on anti-depressants to combat stress. FORCED to fight for nearly three years for DNA tests establishing the twins parentage; and OBLIGED to adopt the kids in an £80,000 process that was opposed by the Asian man, who has sought contact with the twins and wants to be recognised as their proper father.
The couple said they had made a pact to be truthful to the dark-skinned, dark-eyed twins a boy and a girl about the blunder. They have moved house so the children can attend a mixed-race school. They cope with tricky questions about different skin colours by simply saying the kids are adopted. And though they originally planned to have a large family, they vowed not to try for more children. Mr A, a businessman, said: We decided it wasnt fair on the twins. I told my wife I couldnt bear the thought that at some time in the future they might feel we loved their sisters or brothers more because those kids were ours and white. Our twins are enough. They are the most lovely kids ever. We adore them. The couple, who had been trying for children for six years, told how their lives changed forever the instant the error was discovered. Mrs A said: I was physically sick. The thought that Id had children with a stranger felt like a violation in itself. Our happiness at having our longed-for babies was shattered. My greatest sadness is that my husband is not the biological father of our children. All we wanted was a family. Instead we were landed with a nightmare that will last forever. At the moment our children are happy and well balanced. But we have been warned by experts that as they grow up their colour and parenthood will become an issue and they may react badly. We live with that worry every day. The couple finally decided to tell their story to reveal the extent of their ordeal in the hope it never happens to others.
Holding his wifes hand, Mr A said: What happened threatened our marriage and our whole existence. Many men in my position would have walked away and thats what my wife feared when we discovered the truth. She was scared I would reject the twins AND her. But that never entered my mind. My children know I am not their biological father and that there is a real daddy somewhere. But they also know I love them totally. And they love me. Grabbing her husbands hand, Mrs A told him: I just felt so upset for you. She also revealed that after the initial shock about Mr A not being the dad, she was terrified tests would show that her eggs had not been used for the IVF, that she was not the kids mum and they would be taken away. But in the end her fears proved unfounded. The couple struggled to remain composed as they told how the twins asked them for the first time: Why have we got brown skin? It happened two years ago and at first the kids questions were brushed off. But soon afterwards the parents decided to tell them the truth. They sat the twins down and told them: You know you were IVF babies. Well, when the doctor created you, he used a brown mans sperm instead of Daddys. But we are so glad he did because we have got you two and you are so special. Wringing her hands, Mrs A added: A few days later my son asked, Why did they use a brown mans sperm? I just didnt know what to say.
The parents realised they needed support and have since been helped by social workers and counsellors. But so far, the children are coping well. Mrs A smiled wryly as she said: My daughter came home from school the other day and said her friend had asked, Why are you brown and your mummy and daddy are white? I asked her what she had said and she replied firmly, I told her they had used a brown mans sperm. And that was that, they went off to play. At the moment they deal with it very well. They realise they are different but also know they are very loved by us. They are happy, balanced children and we hope they stay that way. The mum added: We have only had one racist moment. My son was playing with a white child at the doctors and his mum came and pointedly moved him away.
It broke my heart but I wasnt going to show my son I was upset. Obviously we worry about racism in the future. But we have moved house so the children can go to a mixed-race school. They have white and Asian friends. We still get looks when we are out as a family. But Ive learned to cope with it better. If anyone asks we just say the children are adopted. Then people shut up. But there have been lighter moments along the way. And the pair laughed as they remembered when they took the children to a private clinic for a DNA test. Mr A said: The man doing the test didnt know anything about our circumstances. All he saw was a married white couple sitting with two very obviously mixed-race children sitting on their laps. We were asking for a paternity test while being very affectionate to each other. The poor bloke was bewildered. I imagine he thought my wife had been unfaithful and I was Britains most forgiving man.
Tricky questions ... Mr A
with son on his shoulders
Coping well ... mixed-race children
Utterly devoted ... family moving on
despite years of torment
Before anguish ... pregnant mum
Kids are "kids", but jeeeeeeeeeeezzzzzzz...
What's Sperm ???
Note to non-UK FReepers: in American vernacular Asian usually means "East Asian" (Chinese, Korean, Japanese), while in British vernacular Asian usually means "South Asian" (Pakistani, Indian).
This reminds me of a story my friend told me. She and her husband are Jewish and the adopted a baby from Korea. The kid grew up in a very exclusive area outside of LA. When the little girl was about six years old she goes with her Mom to a deli where she sees, for the first time, another little Korean girl. Noticing they look alike, she goes over to the stranger and says, "Do you speak Hebrew too?"
Japan * ping * (kono risuto ni hairitai ka detai wo shirasete kudasai : let me know if you want on or off this list)
I dunno...they look human to me.
Beauty is only skin deep, and all children are beautiful. Enjoy yor happy life and don't get caught up in self-recrimination.
See my post #5
LOL!
If the sperm donor gave his sperm to be used by others, why would he want these children now?
Thanks for the info. I was imagining them half Chinese or Japanese, now I understand they are half Indian or Pakistani.
All we wanted was a family. Instead we were landed with a nightmare that will last forever."
That's a horrible thing to say, even by my standards.
"They have moved house so the children can attend a mixed-race school."
Stupid politically correct turds.
Agree 100%.
OBLIGED to adopt the kids in an £80,000 process that was opposed by the Asian man, who has sought contact with the twins and wants to be recognised as their proper father.
Makes me wonder... does the "Asian man" in question have some connection with a worker in the clinic, one who could have deliberately switched sperm vials? Wouldn't that have been a fine joke to play on the infidels?
A point addressed in the article.
I wonder why they were obliged to adopt them if mom is their genetic parent?
This really has to be the most pointless collection of photographs ever included with an article.
Maybe children in the UK these days don't really belong to their mothers until some government agency issues them a title.
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