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The Da Vinci Toad
Townhall ^ | May 21, 2006 | Doug Giles

Posted on 05/22/2006 3:32:06 PM PDT by Zender500

Let me see if I get this right: In Hollywood, it is bad to portray Christ as God in the flesh, sacrificed for our sins and resurrected as Lord of all—but it is cool to show Him hooking up with some first century, penitential, Emily Rose type chick and having a love child? Yes, in Stupidville, Mel Gibson was critically deep-fried for a gospel accurate depiction of Christ’s substitutionary death for the world’s wantonness, but this Da Vinci Code dude is hailed as Hollywood’s Playmate of the Month for his historical re-write regarding the deity and life of Christ. How sweet and . . . how telling.

Were any of you unfortunate enough to have happened upon Entertainment Tonight this past week and to catch the eternally blonde Mary Hart gush over this phlegm—I mean film? Y’know, aside from Mary (and the MSM), the only other people I know who are this excited about fresh BS are the people who own fertilizer companies.

Mary, if you’re reading this column, I’ve got some advice for you: 1) Less is more and 2) Please quit your job . . . like right now. We want to remember the young and “with it” Mary, not the rapidly aging desperate host who will endorse anything to stay on TV. Look, you had a good run; but it is now time to hand the salacious baton to another bubble headed bleach blonde and let her keep us abreast of all things absurd.

Now, I want to address the church. Hey, Christians: dial down a bit. Most rational people understand that The Da Vinci Code is a work of fiction (except for some in Miami . . . in particular, the Costco wizards who put the book in the non-fiction section).

I, personally (Lord forgive me), couldn’t care less if the ones who think this 21st century regurgitation of first century Gnosticism is true ever come to church. Who wants these gullible doofuses around? These are probably the same people that bought a Flobee, or worked for Howard Dean, or think that the Ron Popeil’s Pocket Fisherman is a real doozy, or sent Clooney medical questions while he was on ER and think Martin Sheen would make a good president. I say let these lemmings lock step with Dan Brown and his Church of the New Groove.

If this book/movie causes non-Christians to not to believe in Christ, as portrayed in scripture, then let them not believe. In addition, if The Da Vinci Code causes the fringe adherents of our fellowship to exchange the greatest story ever told for the greatest turkey ever sold, then let them. To each his own.

Matter of fact, the church ought to go the second mile and instead of berating these people help them design a bumper sticker identifying themselves as The Da Vinci Code adherents. I’m thinkin’ instead of fish symbol, Dan’s droogies could placard their hybrids with a photo of Jethro Bodine or maybe a silhouette of a house with lights on but no one home.

Look, church, I’m all for bearding false prophets Elijah-style, and I’m glad that our apologists have risen to the occasion and confronted this easy-to-pick-apart book/movie, but we need to relax; this film shall pass, and we have substantially bigger fish to fry. I predict, at the end of the hype, that this film will flop like the hairdos in A Flock of Seagulls. It’s got Oliver Stone’s Alexander written all over it, and the initial critiques coming from the critics at Cannes this week are a bit on the caustic side. This flick will never, ever come close to The Passion’s numbers.

In addition to apologists coming forth and defending the truth claims of the scripture, I’m also delighted to see believers getting righteously PO’d at this continuous, gratuitous assault against Christianity in Tinsel Town. Not only am I pig sick of Hollywood, but I’m also furious with the Louvre. I had planned to buy the Mona Lisa and The Last Supper with the cash from my new book deal, but now . . . now, I’m taking my business elsewhere.

Lastly, I’ve got a word for Mr. Brown. Congratulations on your temporal success. I hope you enjoy it. Also, I’ve got to give you props in the nerve department for going out on a limb with a touchy topic like this. You’ve got some juevos in picking a fight with Jesus and the Church. For your sake, I hope that you’re right in what you’ve tabled in The Da Vinci Code. If you’re not right, you’d better hope that Jesus is in a chipper mood when you meet Him at the Judgment Seat. Yeah … you had better pray that He’s breezy with your blasphemous botching of His bio—because if He’s not, you might want to duck when you finally go toe-to-toe with Him.

Get Giles’ book, The Bulldog Attitude: Get It or Get Left Behind. It’s guaranteed to take the poo out of poodles and give them the Bulldog Attitude. Also, Logon to ClashRadio.com and check out Doug's latest interview with Kate O‘Beirne, author of the book, Women Who Make the World Worse. Please visit our online store and grab a copy of Doug’s new audio book, Raising Boys That Feminists Will Hate.


TOPICS: Culture/Society; Editorial; News/Current Events
KEYWORDS: davincicode; douggiles
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1 posted on 05/22/2006 3:32:07 PM PDT by Zender500
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To: Zender500

And to think that Limbaugh was actually pimping this movie today.....



I am not THAT hard-up for entertainment, thank you.


2 posted on 05/22/2006 3:34:23 PM PDT by TheRobb7 (The American Spirit does not require a federal subsidy.)
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To: Zender500
I predict, at the end of the hype, that this film will flop like the hairdos in A Flock of Seagulls.

Oops.
3 posted on 05/22/2006 3:34:38 PM PDT by Borges
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To: Zender500

Most boring, endless, dreadful movie I have seen in years! I would have walked out, but I would have had to wake up the snoring people sound asleep on either side.


4 posted on 05/22/2006 3:34:54 PM PDT by FormerACLUmember (No program, no ideas, no clue: The democrats!)
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To: FormerACLUmember

It's fatuous tedium that's for sure.


5 posted on 05/22/2006 3:35:11 PM PDT by Borges
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To: Borges

I like the review where they said. "Hanks appeared; Bored, Bloated". I laughed.


6 posted on 05/22/2006 3:36:00 PM PDT by samadams2000 (Somebody important make The Call.....pitchforks and lanterns.!)
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To: FormerACLUmember
I would have walked out, but I would have had to wake up the snoring people sound asleep on either side.

LOL

7 posted on 05/22/2006 3:37:07 PM PDT by LasVegasMac (Islam........not fit for human consumption.)
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To: FormerACLUmember
I have actually seen two movies in the past 2 weeks (I hadn't been to the theater in more than a year before that). I also was not overly impressed with this one. It was very cumbersome, and I think if the Christians would shut up about it, it will die a quick death.

We saw Poseidon last week, and that was very good.

8 posted on 05/22/2006 3:39:11 PM PDT by codercpc
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To: LasVegasMac; codercpc; Borges
"I would have walked out, but I would have had to wake up the snoring people sound asleep on either side."

This was actually true. I have never seen such boring coma-inducing nonsense.

I would sincerely recommend the Da Vinci Code, when it comes out in DVD, as a cure for insomnia. A million times better than Ambien, and one of the few sleeping agents not abused by Patrick Kennedy.

9 posted on 05/22/2006 3:43:50 PM PDT by FormerACLUmember (No program, no ideas, no clue: The democrats!)
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To: Zender500

10 posted on 05/22/2006 3:47:11 PM PDT by Liberty Valance (WWJBD?)
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To: TheRobb7

I heard that and was so disappointed.

C'mon Rush---where were your principles today?


11 posted on 05/22/2006 3:48:24 PM PDT by eleni121 ('Thou hast conquered, O Galilean!' (Julian the Apostate))
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To: Borges

I understand it did 77 million domestic and 240 million worldwide. Not a bad weekend for a snorer.


12 posted on 05/22/2006 3:50:27 PM PDT by Liberty Valance (WWJBD?)
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To: eleni121

C'mon Rush---where were your principles today?
Rush is in the Entertaiment Business, not theology; HE probably is aware the book is fiction.


13 posted on 05/22/2006 3:52:08 PM PDT by SF Republican
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To: Zender500

LMAO...........I've never heard of this guy before, but I DOOOOO like his style!!!


14 posted on 05/22/2006 3:53:30 PM PDT by RightOnline
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To: codercpc

I see very few movies at the multiplex these days. I saw UNITED 93 a couple of weeks ago and it was the first time I'd been to the movies in a year. I'd considered seeing NARNIA back around Christmas but never got around to it. I did buy the DVD though. UNITED 93 was great, and I'll buy it on DVD when it comes out.

I mostly spend my entertainment dollars on building my DVD collection. I've got tons of great films from the golden age. I even enjoy the great silent films, and foreign cinema. Kurosawa rules!

On the rare occasion that a decent film hits the theaters I might support it, but this ain't 1939 or 1942. The big screens aren't filled today with great actors, patriotic stories, and interesting characters. Such movies aren't non-existent, but they are a rarity. Why pay good money to see insulting propaganda (such as DA VINCI or V FOR VENDETTA) produced by untalented hacks who hate us, our traditions, our faith, and our civilization. If Hollywood produces more films like the LORD OF THE RINGS trilogy, I'll go see it. Until then, forget it.


15 posted on 05/22/2006 3:54:40 PM PDT by puroresu (Conservatism is an observation; Liberalism is an ideology)
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To: Liberty Valance
"Not a bad weekend for a snorer."

After the book the hype about it, and all the INCREDIBLE hype about the movie......not surprising.

Now......watch subsequent weeks' numbers. The buzz brought 'em in.......the zzzzzzz's will keep 'em away.

16 posted on 05/22/2006 3:56:07 PM PDT by RightOnline
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To: SF Republican

Some of us take the Lord our Father seriously and personally.

Then again some of us do not.


17 posted on 05/22/2006 3:56:15 PM PDT by eleni121 ('Thou hast conquered, O Galilean!' (Julian the Apostate))
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To: TheRobb7
And to think that Limbaugh was actually pimping this movie today.....

Was he really? My niece (22 in college) is a true believer. That's how liberals are made - people will believe anything and liberals will say anything.
18 posted on 05/22/2006 3:57:28 PM PDT by Jaysun (Even with a paddle, shit creek ain't no picnic.)
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To: Zender500

Ron Howard and Geraldo Rivera are teaming up for the next big blockbuster.

THE AL CAPONE VAULT CONSPIRACY


19 posted on 05/22/2006 3:58:34 PM PDT by seawolf101
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To: Zender500
...this 21st century regurgitation of first century Gnosticism...

You blew your credibility, Doug. The DaVinci Code has nothing to do with Gnosticism.

20 posted on 05/22/2006 4:02:59 PM PDT by NCSteve
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