Flying America in unfriendly skies

San Diego Union Tribune ^ | May 16, 2006 | Richard Louv

[SW6906]

The sophisti-yokels are at the gates, C-13 and C-24 to be exact.

The other day, on a flight over the Midwest, a sophisti-yokel – one of those smooth young alpha dogs with semi-expensive suits and implanted iPod ear-buds. Like sophisti-yokels everywhere, he exuded a sense of entitlement, assumed superiority and apparently his mama never taught him manners.

“You call this legroom?” he said, jamming his knees into the seat in front of him. He whipped out a tissue and blew his nose. “This is what I paid 15 bucks extra for?”

Reaching forward, he jammed the used tissue into the seat pouch in front of him. “Stewardess,” he barked before takeoff. “I need a Bloody Mary.” The flight attendant walked past, eyeing him sideways. He yanked out another tissue, honked into it, and stuffed it into the pouch. Throughout the two-hour flight, he honked and stuffed, until the pouch bulged.

It probably never occurred to him that someone else would have to clean up his mess.

Air travel has become the great leveler, replacing bus stations, trains and subways as the one place where Americans are forced to confront people unlike themselves. The people with silk shirts and mixed drinks in first class may seem to be in their own world but look again. See those upgraded frequent fliers?

Then we still have the traditional yokel-yokels, such as the long-haired young guy in dirty jeans and construction boots, who, on another flight, lit up a cigarette in the jet's bathroom, returned to his seat where he sipped from a whiskey bottle. He was immediately sniffed out by a flight attendant. She confronted him; he denied that he had been smoking; she saw his whiskey bottle and demanded it, along with his cigarette lighter. He gave them up without a fight.

[El Gato]

The thing that hacks me off is all these people who can't stand to wait a few minutes, granted sometimes it's excessively more than a few minutes, to collect their bags, so they carry on a bag big enough for a weeks clothing changes. Then the wonder why there is no room in the overhead bins, the thing being too big, or they have a second item, to fit under the seat. I carry on my laptop and a very light nylon briefcase that was a give away at a conference in 1998. The case holds whatever I think I might need in flight, or wish to look at then, and maybe a few business items, like my memory stick, and some briefing papers. The case goes under the seat and the skinny computer only case goes in the bin. My clothing and the rest of the business stuff, if any, goes into the baggage compartment where it belongs, hence the name "baggage compartment". On the 757 I took to get where I am now, there were people from the very front of coach, and maybe some from first class, putting stuff in the rear of coach, before all coach passenger were boarded.

It really chaps my a$$, and thank you all for letting me vent on that.

[El Gato]

Most people will choose the lowest fare without regard to much else. The few that have the means or desire to pay more don't bring in enough revenue for the airlines to make less of a loss.

What that ignores is the person who travels on business, and is not able to select their airline based on leg room, service, or much of anything else. Yes the airlines are responding to the market, which is distorted somewhat by third party payers, so to speak. If the third party payers had to pay a bit more, they'd probably have their people travel less.

I'm a big guy, and I'm really uncomfortable in coach, and I feel really sorry for the folks who have to sit on either side of me when I'm stuck in a middle seat. I'm compressed from side to side and front to back. I spend much of the flight with my hands on the top of the seat in front of me, because there isn't room for my arms and shoulders otherwise.

[El Gato]

Oh, and don't forget Nazi-like TSA luggage and body searches. Won't miss that either

And the airlines won't let you have your .45 in the seat pocket in front of you. Whereas, it's easy to get away with having it in your center console, or elsewhere in your vehicle, regardless of the law might actually say. But even abiding by the letter of the law, you can at least have it unloaded in the trunk, which about as useful as having in the baggage compartment of the airplane.

[MarkL]

Amen. I will travel to San Antonio in July for a two week seminar. 1,200 miles one way, all interstate. I plan to enjoy every mile just by not having to endure the horrors described on this thread.

I wish I could do that, but I simply can't. My personal rule is if it's going to take me more than about 5 hours to drive, then I will fly. Sometimes you just don't have the time to drive, and I'm afraid that I'm no longer comfortable driving really long distances (I used to drive nonstop between KC and NY a few times a year, during college.)

Oh, and don't forget Nazi-like TSA luggage and body searches. Won't miss that either.

I've got to say that I'm about ready to start thinking about wearing sweat pants, a tee shirt, and flip-flops for going through the airports. No metal and slip on/off flip flops would make going through security a dream!

Mark

[Blue Jays]

Hi namsman-

I was flying on Continental Airlines from SFO to EWR a few years ago when a large guy walked down the aisle and stopped at my row. He had the window seat and I had the aisle. He was wearing a homemade tanktop, shorts, and flip-flops on his feet. I could see chunks of caked anti-perspirant barely clinging to his armpit hair and could smell his toes.

I immediately found a flight attendant and asked why a half-naked man was permitted to board the aircraft. I didn't want his sweat, toe cheese, anti-perspirant, or anything else near me for the next five and a half hours. My suggestion was that this matter could be immediately resolved by simply putting me in the first-class section.

They agreed and I remained a happy traveler. As I returned to my seat to get my bag from the overhead compartment I informed the man that his manner of dress was entirely inappropriate for an adult. I worked for an employer in the mid-1990's that mandated both men and women to dress in a business suit whenever traveling because of the possibility of inadvertently meeting clients in the terminal or on a flight! Is there any reasonable reason why airlines can't mandate minimal dress requirements, even if simply for basic health and hygiene?

~ Blue Jays ~

[TXnMA]

Did it also have one of those early, overhead, "flying saucer" radomes?

[lmr]

I have never flown in my life. I never will. If I need to get overseas, I am sure there is a boat for me somewhere. I love roadtrips. I will see the entire country in my car, someday. I have seen much of it already. I will also visit Canada in my car. It's funny, but I would actually prefer a slower journey. Being packed in a cattle car with people I can't stand is bad, but flying takes away the vastness of things too.

I will never step on a plane, but not just for these reasons. I am really scared to death of flying.

[namsman]

Are you a professional writer by any chance? Your opening paragraph is vivid enough to make me retch and I've had some pretty nasty row-mates in my time but this guy has most of them beat.

Even the old, Indian woman on my last, unfortunate coach flight out of Seoul who used her window seat and the unoccupied middle as a couch wasn't that bad. Of course it was a bit gross when she was sleeping and her bare feet slid under the arm rest and poked me in the thigh. I hate international economy class.

[Blue Jays]

Hi namsman-

Not a professional writer at all, my employment is in the softwear technology arena. I was just describing my memory of the flight because the gooey chunks were literally swinging from his armpit hair like decorations hung on a Christmas tree.

At the very least he should have been instructed to return to the terminal to purchase a new sweatshirt and fresh socks. We ourselves are partially at cause for permitting this slide into boorish behavior and reduced standards because it is permitted to occur. The gate agents should have nipped that one in the bud.

~ Blue Jays ~

[Blue Jays]

Hi All-

Softwear? Geez, it must be getting late for me! That would be software when I have enough caffeine coursing through my system.

~ Blue Jays ~

[AppyPappy]

Flying is easy but uncomfortable. I imagine it is worse since 9/11

[King of Florida]

wearing a homemade tanktop, shorts, and flip-flops

Now if that had been worn by a shapely 21-year-old vixen instead of a fat guy, I believe you would not have objected at all to the form of dress. Even if she betrayed a little anti-perspirant and toe cheese.

[N. Theknow]

After landing I was leaving the baggage claim area and happened to catch this guy getting into a waiting car. The car was a dirty and dented mid 90s Mitsubishi and the trunk wouldn't even close all the way after he threw his luggage in.

He probably bought the home, mortgaged to the hilt, as the check from Nigeria will be in any day now.

[RadioAstronomer]

Were you a Willie Victor crewman? I remember those guys in constant rotation out of JAX. I've a lot of respect for dudes that pulled that kind of duty.

Nope. And I too respected the heck out of them. Some were friends of mine.

I was with the 31 Tac Ftr. Wing (F4-Es) and they were a unit on base. :-) - Managed to get a ride with em.

Also saw what was left of the one that collapsed while taxiing in Iceland. (I was at Kef. with the 57th for a while as well)

[RadioAstronomer]

Yuppers. Both the overhead and the underbelly dome. :-)

I also flew on an early E3-A. Huge difference between the two aircraft!!

[Blue Jays]

Hi King of Florida-

The man with the dangling chunks of anti-perspirant hanging from his armpit hair in my narrative wasn't fat as you've incorrectly mentioned, he was large as I originally described. He towered to perhaps 6'6" in height. There is a huge difference.

Secondly, it wouldn't much matter to me whether it's a man or woman who is inappropriately dressed for the flight. There is a time and place for everything. I don't want the sweat, stink, and anti-perspirant chemicals of a stranger rubbing against my garments while we're flying across country because we have adjoining seats. They should wear normal clothes and the airlines should enforce it.

~ Blue Jays ~

[RadioAstronomer]

They should wear normal clothes and the airlines should enforce it.

I understand you frustration, however, what is "normal"?

I usually wear black ripstop battle dress pants, black mil jungle boots, black web mil belt, and a black or sage green shirt when I fly.

I also pretty much loose myself in this after we get airborne:

http://www.i-glassesstore.com/i-theater.html

[Blue Jays]

Hi RadioAstronomer-

My description of "normal clothes" could have been more descriptive. The outfit you described sounds perfectly fine for flight because your armpits are adequately covered, your footwear is sturdy and safe, and there would be minimal contact with another person's skin under normal conditions. The fact that you bring entertainment means that you're not likely to be a chatterbox, either! ;-)

~ Blue Jays ~