Posted on 05/15/2006 8:48:55 AM PDT by Blue Turtle
Were the kids healthier and thinner?
The headline is highly misleading. The story is about women born in 1946. How many stay-at-home Moms stay at home after their children are old enough to care for themselves? I can't think of any moms of the generation in this study who were stay at home moms once their children were in junior high. Even rich women find something to do. Middle class women work. The story also mentions that women who work when their children are under age 6 are more prone to health problems during those years.
No. I am suggesting that people have to plan having children, the same as they'd need to plan to buy a house or any other major financial commitment. I'm not sure I understand why this is such a difficult concept. Raising kids is a full-time job. To make the parents' financial problems the kids' responsibility doesn't serve anyone. The kid is the innocent party in this debate.
Perhaps it sounds rather cold and calculating on my part, devoid of the romanticism that accompanies "the surprise". Yes. I prefer to see foresight in life decisions. Yes. I prefer to see the raising of a child given the same consideration and commitment as any career. And, yes, I can only imagine how trying that commitment can be. I do not have children (by choice) for some very specific reasons so I do not have direct life experience. Sure as heck, I know what I've seen happening to this culture over the past 35 years or so - and it ain't good! {tangential rant deleted).
In all honesty, I've noticed this as well. I am the farthest thing from a feminist you will ever find (even though I had a 26+ year career) but I've noticed the men corking off a lot about "moochers" and "lazy women". You can't have it both ways, guys. If they want to have their wives stay home and raise the kids, they'd better be prepared to be men again. If that's not in the cards, marry a career woman and don't have kids. Getting "fixed" ain't that expensive. Better yet, give those men a free pass to 6 months of Promise Keepers so they can remember once again what it means to be a man, to be the protector and the provider for his family.
So... what say you, men?
Our time yesterday was divided such that she spent an hour before work dressing, fixing a "lunch" and driving to work. 10 hours at work, then an hour when she arrived home to change clothoes and feed the critters. She hit the rack for 8 hours, got up for a quick shower and dressed. That left us 3 1/2 to "enjoy" Mother's Day. Out of that 3 1/2, we spent 1 1/2 at dinner. The other two hours was spent mowing the lawn (me) and doing laundry (her).
Her new schedule with 4 ten hour shifts and three days off would be just spiffy...except the 3 days off are Wednesday->Friday. All work days for me.
There was a nasty standing joke in the San Diego dispatch office. Experience is measured in pounds.
Recently, one of our children was having a serious health problem that required us to take her to many physicians and to speak to various healthcare types over the phone on many occasions. After I took daughter to her third specialist, I became so frustrated because the physicians did not seem to get the seriousness of what was happening to the child. I insisted my husband accompany us the next time because I knew he would get a better response. When I offhandedly mentioned this to a nurse at our pediatricians' office, she said, "Oh, you have that problem, too!" She told me to just keep pushing because often moms are ignored because so many are overreactive to health problems. Thankfully, we found the right combination of physicians (the women were the ones who listened and pushed the hardest to get to the root of the problem), and our daughter is much better today.
But then they'd have nothing to complain about :)
Everything we do causes some stress - it's what life is about. But what was more stressful about taking care of children, husband and home versus taking care of children, husband, home, and a job?
" But what was more stressful about taking care of children, husband and home versus taking care of children, husband, home, and a job?"
Probably not having enough money. (Or watching one's skills wither the longer they stay out of the workplace.)
I work and then go home and cook. I am thin due to starvation and diet!
"I went back to work after having both of my kids because financially"
Then you are the exception.
Hopefully you can find a way to work this out so that you can stay home with your kids. The sacrifices are worth it, even if you have to move somewhere else to do it.
And, yes, I speak from experience.
STOP being so defensive.
Instead of using her brain to find creative ways to help you learn. So she did prefer work to you.
Thanks so much for decreeing my mother to be a certain type of person
You asked I answered.
I called the housekeeper "Mrs. Williams".
Right, you never called her mommy. Sure thing.
If a five year old can't distinguish between her mother and the housekeeper, that five year old rides the short bus.
Apparently, you inherited your mother's impatience with children.
How much is 'enough' money. Your parents had a full time, live in housekeeper. Was that enough money?
(Or watching one's skills wither the longer they stay out of the workplace.)
So 'one's skills' are more important that one's children.
Got it.
Probably?
I find that when I am away from our children, I am less stressed because "out of sight is out of mind." And I am usually preoccupied with some other task if the children are not around. When I am around our children (most of the time), I become stressed because I have so many things that I "need" to do and yet I have immediate demands that must be met. What I find is that I don't really need to do a lot of things that I do because I am here.
I have zero stress about withering job skills. lol Hubby's coworkers often speculate about my life and how many years I've been pregnant and and and . . . The reality is that I could do their jobs in a heartbeat, but they would go stark raving mad if they had to stay at home with moody teenagers and prepubescent boys and screaming babies for more than two hours an evening. I don't mind.
Just because someone chooses to stay at home and, perhaps, have less money to spend, does not mean that that person ceases to learn valuable skills for "the workplace."
Another day, another stupid study.
Why don't you just do a study to prove that everyone that has children DIES! Because I'm pretty sure it is a 100% chance.
I heard a very liberal woman say that happiness was immaterial. You owe it to your "sisters" to continue to work outside the home or you are doing damage to women all around the country.
"Right, you never called her mommy. Sure thing."
Perhaps the five year olds in your part of the world are.... "slower" than they were in my part of the world.
My mother taught me to read by the time I was three. I skipped first grade because the teacher didn't know how to deal with a child who could already read, and was way beyond Dick and Jane.
My mother was not impatient with children; she spent her career with them and with childhood development. I, on the other hand, have never been particularly interested in them, so I chose not to have them.
I'm terribly sorry that my family did not conduct their lives the way YOU see fit. :(
I think this is a very important insight and should be remembered. I'm a well known jerk, and one line I often get from working women with children I meet whenever they tell me how hard it is but it's so rewarding, and how it's always a 'balance.'
Since I am a jerk, I ask about the 'balance,' and ask them to give me five significant sacrifices they made in favor of their job. That usually comes easy. Then I ask for five comparable sacrifices they made in favor of their family. That one much more often than not completely stumps them. I have done this literally hundreds of times over the years and the 'balancers' are very quick to tell me the importance of balance but can't articulate specifically what trtadeoffs they made in reaching that optimal equilibrium.
I then ask them what they meant by 'balance' if they can't articulate comparable tradeoffs on each side?
I'm a hardarse on this topic (towards both men and women). Discussion of 'balance' is often thoughtless. If a person works 12 hours a day six days a week, travels to and from work for 60-120 minutes a day, and sleeps six hours or so a night, it's impossible to balance the 12 hours of work and the 4-5 hours of family life.
If the people were just forthright - that they are sacrificing something, and not balancing - it would at least be honest. Thing is, I think most men & women just rely on lines and cliches to get them out of tough spots in conversation. They mean well, and may actually even believe what they are saying. That's not to say they are right: indeed,the overwhelming majority or men and women who give me the 'balance' line have no idea what they are talking about, though it doesn't stop them from saying it over and over.
Needless to say, many of these folks tend to think I am a jerk. And indeed, some of them are right, but for the wrong reasons. ;-)
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