LEAK: Text of Iran President’s Letter to Bush

ScrappleFace ^ | May 8, 2006 | Scott Ott

[Kaslin]

Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad’s private letter to U.S. President George Bush proposing ‘new solutions‘ was also inadvertently emailed to Mr. Ahmadinejad’s ‘buddy list’, and so reached several major American news organizations yesterday.

It’s the first time since the 1979 revolution, that an Iranian leader has initiated direct contact with the President of the United States.

Below is a translation of the letter:

To: George Bush, president of the Great Satan, puppet of Zionists Fr: Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, President of peaceful Islamic Republic of Iran Re: Recent tensions

Sorry it’s been so long. It hardly seems like 26 years since we held 52 Americans hostage for 444 days. Well, enough nostalgia.

Listen, I have some new ideas for how to end the tensions over our little nuclear energy project, and your crusade to let the Zionists take over the Muslim world.

I had a brainstorming session with the Guardian Council, and we came up with a lot of great solutions. But I know you’re busy putting down a Republican rebellion and trying to pull your approval rating out of the toilet (LOL), so I’ll just give you our top five ‘new solutions’.

5) Wipe Israel off the face of the map. Replace with goat ranch. 4) U.S. buys Iranian oil. I make threatening statements causing uncertainty in petroleum markets. We use the windfall profits to pay Russia to help us make nuclear devices, and to pay China to stop U.N. sanctions. U.S. continues to buy Iranian oil. 3) Get U.N. to adopt ‘Don’t ask, don’t tell’ policy regarding uranium enrichment. 2) Put Zionists in boxcars. Send back to Europe. Replace Israel with goat ranch. 1) U.S. joins global Muslim Caliphate, ensuring peace and bountiful supplies of enriched uranium for all of Allah’s people.

Feel free to choose more than one solution.

I know you have a lot on your plate — what with the threat of Nancy Pelosi becoming Speaker of the House — but try to get back to me quickly so we can get implementation on a fast track.

Yours in Peace, Mahmoud

[HOTTIEBOY]

SCRAPPLEFACE

[processing please hold]

To: George Bush, president of the Great Satan,

I got that far before looking to see who wrote it...Scrappleface. hahahah

[SittinYonder]

3) Get U.N. to adopt ‘Don’t ask, don’t tell’ policy regarding uranium enrichment

I believe Number 3 is already in effect.

[jazusamo]

I was starting to have bad thoughts but looked again at the title. :-)

[ExcursionGuy84]

Vive siempre, Senor Ott!!!

[VaBthang4]

I do not care.

[weegee]

I saw a documentary "Obsession: Radical Islam's War Against The West" 2 weeks ago.

In it are clips from a number of jihadist music videos. A white liberal idiot Chomskyite applauded when the muslim supremacist video kept referring to President Bush as "Satan".

The only other clip he applauded was his hero Michael Moore blindly stating "there IS NO international terrorist movement".

The lib disregarded all of the clips of radical muslims (some in the US and and in London) calling for violent jihad against the West.

I'm sure the barking moonbats would swallow this if only Dan Ratherbiased still had a job where he could put something on the nightly propaganda.

[Kaslin]

I know, I posted it. *grin*

[Tzimisce]

I'll kill him for denying Islam is a religion of peace!

[M203M4]

U.S. buys Iranian oil. I make threatening statements causing uncertainty in petroleum markets. We use the windfall profits to pay Russia to help us make nuclear devices, and to pay China to stop U.N. sanctions. U.S. continues to buy Iranian oil.

Laugh or cry?

[wideawake]

The original Persian phrase is more literally translated as: "house of sexy goats" not "goat ranch."

[Catholic Canadian]

Dude has a puny little penis.

[Chena]

...proposing ‘new solutions‘ was also inadvertently emailed to Mr. Ahmadinejad’s ‘buddy list’, and so reached several major American news organizations yesterday.

ROFL! American news organizations on Ahmadinejad's 'buddy list'.....that may not be far from the truth right there.

[dangus]

I KNOW #1 is in effect. Seen any pictures of The Great Genocidal Molester in the MSM lately?

[dangus]

>> Dude has a puny little penis. <<

Good lord, I don't want to know what they did to you in that prison camp!

[dangus]

Here's something to REALLY make you cry: Trying to dry up Iranian profits from oil sales by pulling out of the market is like trying to dry part of the bottom of a pool: It doesn't help the slightest until ALL of it's gone:

Suppose Country X and Country Y each buy 50 billion barrels of oil each from Country A and B. Country X decides to boycott Country A, so buys 100 billion barrels of oil from Country B. That simply makes oil from country B more demanded than oil from Country A, so Country B's oil becomes more expensive. Country Y, therefore, shifts to buying oil from Country A, and eventually the price of oil comes back to what it was, with Country X buying 100 barrels of oil from Country A, and Country Y buying 100 barrels of oil from Country B...

Except...

In reality, counties buy oil from other countries which are closer to themselves. Switching oil producers means that the oil has to be shipped further, requiring more oil to ship it, and requiring an INCREASE in demand on oil from the boycotted oil producer.

In truth, the U.S. could be said to boycott Middle Eastern oil, not for political reasons, but for efficiency reasons. The US gets our oil MORE from Mexico, Venezuela, Indonesia, Nigeria, etc. It's primarily Europe which buys oil from the Middle East.

[JimSEA]

I make threatening statements causing uncertainty in petroleum markets. We use the windfall profits to pay Russia to help us make nuclear devices, and to pay China to stop U.N. sanctions.

This seems to be working out quite nicety from the Iranian perspective satire or not.

[AmericanDave]

The US gets our oil MORE from Mexico, Venezuela, Indonesia, Nigeria, etc. It's primarily Europe which buys oil from the Middle East.

Yes and there are rumblings of a squeeze being put on us in this hemisphere. And the Cubans are talking of drilling offshore with China's help south of Key West.

[Jerry Attrick]

I think the scariest part is "Nancy Pelosi becoming Speaker of the House"! (shudder...)