Sex and Marriage in the City?

Townhall ^ | 3.20.2006 | Jennifer Roback Morse

[dson7_ck1249]

You know the old saying about having a hammer and everything looking like nails? I was reading an article in the Journal of Law and Economics about why housing prices in Manhattan are so high, and I thought, "Omigosh! The answer to the demographic implosion." Since my hammer happens to be sex and marriage, even an economics article reminds me of sex. So bear with me. I’ll explain what the article had to say about housing prices. Then I’ll tell you what it has to do with sex...

[HitmanLV]

Hate is a strong word - why do hate being single? What do you hate about your single life that you can't address or change, shy of marriage?

I didn't advocate always being single, I just said there is an advantage to postponing that commitment for a while. Dating different people is fun. When you meet a person who you would like as a mate, go for it for sure.

I like being single and I expect to like being married.

[durasell]

The world is filled with people who run their lives schedules established by other people.

[Tax-chick]

Watch for housing prices to come down over the next 50 years. The developed world just isn't having kids and even in the developing world the birthrates are falling. Give it another generation or two and there will be a surplus of housing.

Maybe ... but what we're seeing now is bigger and more expensive houses with fewer people in them. This raises the prices, because a couple with two incomes and no children can generally spend much more money on a house than a couple with one income and eight children can.

Fewer, later, and less-stable marriages also mean that more housing units have a single occupant, so the total number of units has to go up.

[JamesP81]

Postponing a lifelong commitment for a decade as you mature and develop as a person isn't a bad thing at all, and it doesn't mean you aren't romantic.

I hear what you are saying. My mother told me all the same stuff. She's on her 4th husband. Everything I ever tried to do that she told me I couldn't do because I was 'too young and immature' I succeeded at. Moreover, she also failed at most of those things herself. Her years of experience did her absolutely no good. My dad tells a story about a coworker at his machine shop, he wanted to do something the wrong way. The guy told my dad that "I've been doing it this way for 25 years." Dad immediately informed him that he'd been f****** it up for 25 years, which he had.

I respect what the 'wait a while' folks are trying to say, but when I see the older folks leading totally screwed up lives, lives that I want no part of, then statements like this:

People at the age of 24 simply do not have the life experiences that older folks do.

aren't going to fly.

I assure you, I know myself very, very well. And this self knowledge came the hard way.

All that being said, it remains in the hands of the Lord. Personally, I think the time is near but if He has other plans, I'm certainly going to submit to his correction and guidance.

[ahayes]

I'm glad I didn't listen to people who gave me that kind of advice. I was married at 22.5, married almost four years now.

[JamesP81]

I like being single and I expect to like being married.

Which is how it should be. I like the single life pretty well. But like I said, I think it may be time to change that.

To everything, there is a season.

[TexanToTheCore]

Get married early, go to church, buy a home, have children and prosper.

18 is the age of adulthood and delaying it is simply childish.

[durasell]

Does it have to be in that order?

[HitmanLV]

Well, by that standard I am setting a schedule for him myself! That's not my intention, though - just go with the flow. There's no rush to the altar. That's all I am saying. :-)

[TexanToTheCore]

Does it have to be in that order?

Nope. Use the order you prefer. The key concept is early.

[Tax-chick]

Use the order you prefer.

Except that you'd want to get married before having children, irrespective of when you decide to buy a house and/or prosper :-).

[Retired COB]

I have to disagree with your thesis. I married my wife when she was 20 and I was 19. Like all marriages, we had a period of adjustment while we learned to make accomodations to each others habits.

Most of the men I've seen have two problems when they wait into their 30's to get married.
(1) They are set in their ways and find it hard to make the necessary adjustments to sharing decision making with a wife.
(2) From what I've heard, the pickin's get pretty slim for women in your age group. You either get unmarried women that are as self-centered as you are or ones that have been through the marriage process one or more times.

After almost 40 years together my wife went home to heaven in February. I'm 59, and can't imagine living alone for the rest of the time I have left. I imagine that in about a year or so, I'll start socializing. I'm a bit afraid to go back into that world, but when I do I think I'll be looking for another "Promisekeeper" who understands that there is only one way to end a marriage (feet first).

My main advice for the young is to chose well (or get lucky like I did) and marry young. That way you start out growing together and don't have to unlearn a lot of bad habits.

[HitmanLV]

I understand. And while I wouldn't say 'people at the age of 24 simply do not have the life experiences that older folks do,' I would say that people mature and change and that you will be a different person at 34 than you are at 24. So will your bride.

There's almost no downside to being patient at your age. And have a little fun - dating is a good & fun experience.

If you are going to come to a conclusion based partially on discounting what older folks with screwed up lives say, take the rose colored glasses off for a second and evaluate fairly the experience of younger folks with screwed up lives. Of about a dozen couples I know who married in their young to mid 20s, over 1/2 are divorced (including two couples I would have bet the mortgage that they would be together always). Some more are outwardly unhappy (but who knows the truth?). Two couples are still together and outwardly happy (but who knows?).

'Screwed up' lives gets around - no subset of people defined by age has a corner on that market. That has nothing to do with you, though. Keep an open mind and find your own way.

[HitmanLV]

To everything, there is a season.

I agree - don't race through life, and don't stall through it either.

[TexanToTheCore]

Except that you'd want to get married before having children, irrespective of when you decide to buy a house and/or prosper :-).

Ah dooo believe that they's waaaaay too much navel-gazin' goin' on 'round heah.

[misterrob]

Developmentally people go through stages of life. And, for each stage of life things are generally "called for". Some of those things are travel to see what else exists outside of one's own backyard, applying oneself to career to amass resources and establish the ability to provide, testing oneself against peers so as to find where one fits in relation to others, for pursuit of ego and for pursuit of spirit. For some they can live a lifestyle of 1950's Americana whereas others have different circumstances. As someone approaching 40 I can look back on the earlier stages and realize how much I didn't know then and having lived life the lessons that I have acquired.

Nothing wrong with going for it though as long as one is willing to accept that there is so much that is unknown.

[Tax-chick]

LOL!

[TalonDJ]

Well, that and finding a woman crazy/desperate enough to have me, but that's for another thread.

Free Republic is a good place to start. Worked for me :-D

[elmer fudd]

Those bigger homes will be the hardest hit. The rich and upper middle class just aren't having many children. The children in the US are coming from Hispanic immigrants and the poor. I don't think they'll be lining up for million dollar mcmansions.

In 2006 Japan's population will start to decline and over the next decade we will be able to see the affect this has on Japan's real estate markets. America is about a generation behind Japan in terms of birthrates and we have allowed massive immigration to make up for our lowered fertility, but the time is coming when we will see a declining population as well.

[misterrob]

40 years ago the times were much, much different in terms of societel complexity and financial matters. It is a fact that people's earning potential is limited earlier in life and in today's world a HS diploma doesn't take you really far. If you want to have a house to raise your family you simply have to earn some cash. If you want for your wife to be able to stay home and raise your kids then you need to earn. That doesn't mean you need to make $200K a year but you aren't going to get far on $30K a year which is where most people in the early 20s are salary slotted.

I will also disagree with some of your other comments. A man in his 30's who has accomplished something is not so easily led around by his ego or his insecurities. A man with something to prove is actually still a boy. And, for those men who have not developed security in their masculine identity they are too easily swayed by women who's needs and wants are ever changing.

Also, who says that you have to marry a women in your own age range? Yes, pickings are a bit slimmer but then again, I wouldn't give two cents for most of the younger chicks out there today either.