Posted on 03/18/2006 7:03:00 PM PST by goldstategop
The miracle of Purim owes much to a superficial, womanizing male who set about dating as many women as possible to find the one that was the most beautiful. Ahasuerus is like so many shallow men today who reduce women to nothing but a slim figure and a pretty face. But in the end, the story of Esther makes it clear that the secretly Jewish queen was chosen not for her looks, but because she "found grace and favor" in the eyes of all who beheld her. There was a womanly dignity, a sublime feminine majesty, to Esther that the rest of the harem lacked. They were empty suits, packaging only, without substance or personality. They were the kind of women who attract attention with low-cut blouses rather than high intelligence, short skirts rather than a lofty spirit. But Esther is a woman possessed both of outer and inner beauty, a heroine who exhibits uncommon wisdom, courage and dedication to the helpless. In short, she is a woman of outstanding character and her story is that of the triumph not only of the Jews over their enemies, but also of a woman's ability to win over a man with her brains rather than her bust.
How tragic, therefore, that Jewish men today have adopted the dating mores of Ahasuerus. And I'm not just talking about secular Jewish men whom we might expect to have adopted less lofty criteria in their choice of a mate. Rather, I am speaking especially of Orthodox Jewish men who have become so obsessed with the three modern virtues of a real woman - large chest, long legs, slim figure - that heart, mind, even the sparkle of her eyes, count for almost nothing.
I once served as matchmaker-in-chief for JDate. But I now find matchmaking nauseating thanks to the dispiriting superficiality of today's Jewish men. I now know that the countless men who tell me how desperate they are to find a really nice girl are lying through their teeth because what they really mean is a woman who looks like a model. At my weekly Sabbath table, where I host many singles, I watch as the men immediately dismiss even the most interesting women with the warmest hearts if they lack a bombshell body.
If she's short, she's out, and if she's overweight, well, that's the kiss of death. I'll set up men with women who I know to be attractive and charming, only to have the guy call me back the next day and complain of a lack of chemistry, by which he always means, "She wasn't pretty enough." The poor woman never had a chance. Before she opened her mouth, her body did her in.
BUT WHY would we expect anything different? Superficial people seek superficial qualities, and men today are about as deep as a crack in the sidewalk. They have been given one criterion for success, money, and they use that money as a commodity to purchase a woman's chief commodity, her physical beauty. Today's religious men are trained to appreciate little else.
I know a 20-year-old Jewish girl who developed a dangerous eating disorder because her very religious parents told her that unless she lost weight the type of yeshiva student they wanted her to marry would not take her out.
But weren't Jewish men, especially Orthodox ones, supposed to be different? The nation that gave the world's Solomon's Ode to a Woman of Valor, where a woman's God-fearing qualities are what make her beautiful, have betrayed that ideal utterly. If you are a woman in the Jewish singles scene who isn't stunningly attractive, you're going to wait a long time to get married. And once you're married, you better keep your looks up, because the women who are going to be praying with you in the ladies' section spend five hours in the gym for every hour they spend in the synagogue. They're not fools. They know that their husbands are trained to appreciate muscle tone rather than piety. And don't have more than two children, even though we need as many Jewish babies as possible, because kids will make your figure go to hell and your breasts droop almost as far.
NEVER believed that I would witness a time when even marriage-minded, Orthodox men would become womanizers, giving themselves the latitude to date as many women as possible so that they can find "the best." In yeshiva I was taught one did not date a woman the way one shopped for a car. Rather, you focused on one woman completely and tried to develop a soulful connection with her without worrying about what else might be out there.
Recently, I had a young rabbinical student of marriageable age at my home. He told me he had already dated 40 girls and had not found what he was looking for. I was stunned. "Forty nice, religious girls, and not one of them was good enough for you?"
But anyone familiar with the increasingly toxic shidduch system among the ultra-Orthodox knows that what many young men are looking for is anathema to Jewish values, namely, looks, money and pedigree. Find all three and you have hit the jackpot. Find only one, or even two, and you have "to settle."
Now, no doubt, in the secular world marrying money and marrying into an important family are also important. But when religious Jews marry for materialistic and ego-driven values, they degrade a glorious spiritual tradition.
It is high time that rabbis started giving sermons from the pulpit exhorting single men in the congregation to be gentlemen and reward women for developing the traits that Judaism truly values like compassion, wisdom and goodness. While physical attraction is always important in marriage - both for men and for women - Jewish leaders must begin inspiring future husbands to judge their wives' attractiveness by considerations beyond flesh alone. For if we fail, we'll continue seeing Jewish women feeling permanently insecure about their "imperfect bodies" rather than taking pride in their generous spirits.
Couldn't you consider "marital prostitution" be done by any woman who marries a man who brings home the bread while she stays home and doesn't work? Ha ha!
We men want a woman who will give us a bath, wash our clothes, be our chosen prostitute, and be a child care provider to the children, and make good meals!
Blaming it on what men want is too easy; women set their own standards more often than not.
"I think there is a cultural tradition in recent Ashkenazim Jewish life that promotes women who challenge..."
In Judaism it is important for the woman to speak up and challenge anything the man may be doing wrong. But Ashkenazim women do take to an extreme. The term JAP (Jewish American Princess) relates to this kind of extreme behavior.
If a Jewish woman (or any other woman) can challenge but do it in a feminine way then I all for it.
indeed....i don't like them barefoot and pregnant
....unless it's summer..lol
I restrict the term "prostitution" to the case where a woman marries exclusively for money, and has no actual emotional attachment for the guy, and would leave him immediately if he lost his money
Women. are. like. cars? This does not speak well for you, my child. If you wanted to say that cars are like women, there might be some poetic license that could support it, but this? No. This is all wrong!
I'm married to a (non-observing) Ashkenazim. She's not a JAP. Then again, if she were, I would not have married or stayed married to her
She won't be non-Jewish if I marry her. I can't marry outside of the faith.
What do you call 5,000 JAPs converging on Bloomingdales in NYC for a sale?
Yidlock! :)
There's lots of interesting neurological implications surrounding the "Golden Ratio". There's an interesting article here, but I can't vouch for the scientific correctness of its assertions
I'll take your word for it. Like I said before, I don't have any first hand dealings with Jewish men or women.
My own personal take on the Men/Women dating issue is that culture is directing marriage and relationships more then faith. We are a culture of what's best for me, and I need it now.
Of course, I'm not immune to it, but I am glad, in alot of ways, that I got married young (barely 21). When my wife and I talk about all the infidelity around us, I remark on how it's hard for me to miss, what I never had. Meaning, I was never with anyone, other than my wife. Does, that mean I am never tempted? No, but the desire to keep what is unique between us, special, is much harder to break.
Marriage and relationships are a creation of God, and if we don't follow his owners manual, then we are looking for some heart aches. In this way the article reflects that the Jewish faith is as much affected by materialism as any other American faith. Even in Christian relationships, people are more concerned over physical attributes and material gain, then asking, "Is this person my spiritual mate for life?"
I can tell you from my own life, that as a young-un, I was primarily looking at the outside package. However, I now recognize that my wife is so much more then that. I can't imagine living a multiple partner life for 10 or more years, and then trying to settle down with someone who has to fit a precise shopping list.
Marriage is about changing togather into a separate entity. That's why the Bible says, "two shall become one."
Well, anyway, that's my two cent rant.
Sincerely
my take on this in general...
From the beginning of time...
In order to propulgate the race, men are most interested in "booty"...
Women want security.
Thus men want looks, women want money.
Simple? Yes, but I think this in the meat of the coconut...
I mentioned earlier on this thread, I have no idea why folks embrace the dichotomy that goodlooking women are necessarily shallow and more average looking women are somehow necessarily more substantial.
A woman can be good looking and have strong character. It's not nearly as uncommon as a lot of folks think. The bias against good looking women is remarkable - and it makes no sense.
Right-o! Men give women the physical security by guarding the nation/house and working to bring home the bread.
Women give men the relationship via looks, "booty", children, meals, other domestic chores, and her positive words.
Ok.
What I meant by control issues, is that both Jewish males and females seem to want submisive partners. You, seem to be happy that your goy girlfriend is submissive and let's you be the boss. However, you look down on Jewish women who apparently wants the same thing.
As a Christian, the wife is to be submissive to the husband, but that in no way means less then. I don't know what the Jewish faith requires of the wife, but I suspect it would be similar.
I'm not trying to "dis" your culture, just trying to make an observation.
Sincerely
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