Posted on 02/13/2006 8:50:39 AM PST by kiriath_jearim
Monday, February 13, 2006
Wife should talk with husband about fear of guns
By DR. JOYCE BROTHERS
SYNDICATED COLUMNIST
DEAR DR. BROTHERS: I recently moved to a new area of the country, in which it is very common for households to have a rifle or handgun for hunting or personal protection. I have never had any exposure to weapons at all and have always been very frightened of them. Yet around here, children are routinely taught to hunt, with a healthy respect for but no fear of guns. Anyway, my husband brought one home after I reluctantly agreed (we do have a problem with predatory wild animals at our new farm), but I find myself being very nervous about just having it. I would never want to use it. Is this strong a reaction normal? -- D.K.
DEAR D.K.: I would say that it is quite normal and even smart to be afraid of any dangerous weapon that could kill you or a member of your family. It could even make for a very unpleasant situation should the victim be a predator in your yard and you have to see it dispatched. There is almost no upside to having a gun if you aren't a gun lover, and you shouldn't have to live with this creepy feeling indefinitely.
That said, I think you need to sit down with your husband and discuss all this. He needs to be able to tell you how he feels about having -- and possibly using -- the gun. Did he buy the gun mainly to minimize discord in the new neighborhood -- in other words, to fit in? Does he have any background or training in gun use and gun safety? Was he ever in the military? And do you agree that you really need it? If so, take some lessons and do some skeet shooting so that you can gain some mastery and lessen your fears. Keep the gun locked up, of course, and keep that fear at a healthy level. After all, they are deadly. If you still feel terrified after taking these steps, I suggest that you surrender your weapon.
I can only imagine the terror Joyce feels whenever she lays eyes on a car.
One of my favorites: Guns kill people like spoons made Rosie O'Donnell fat.
I don't really understand the hostile reaction to this fairly innocuous advice. We have four firearms in my house- three handguns and a rifle- and my wife, like the writer of this letter, was very reluctant to have them in the house. I talked with my wife, explained that they would be safely stored and inaccessible to young children. She has chosen not to get a handgun license herself but now we have no problem about keeping the weapons in the house. What's wrong with communication? It isn't like Brothers called for the repeal of the Second Ammendment.
Remember: Your children are 100 times more likely to die in your neighbor's swimming pool than by the gun in his home.
I feel a lot more nervous when I use a chainsaw than when I use a gun. With the gun all I have to do is keep it safely away from the kids and be sure of my backstop. With a chainsaw there's this 20" bar that could take off my foot if I happened to slip.
DEAR DR. BROTHERS: I recently moved to a new area of the country, in which it is very common for households to have a rifle or handgun Swimming Pool for hunting or personal protection recreation. I have never had any exposure to weapons Swimming Pools at all and have always been very frightened of them. Yet around here, children are routinely taught to hunt swim, with a healthy respect for but no fear of guns Swimming Pools. Anyway, my husband brought one home after I reluctantly agreed (we do have a problem with predatory wild animals warm summer afternoon at our new farm), but I find myself being very nervous about just having it. I would never want to use it. Is this strong a reaction normal? -- D.K.
(If what I just wrote makes you sad or angry,
Question:
What scares you more? A gun hanging on the wall, or a mountain lion, wolf, or bobcat snatching your child playing in your yard?
Grow up and understand motherhood includes PROTECTION, not just nurturing.
Is she still alive?
If she is then she works for newspapers and newspapers do not hire intelectuals to dispence social policy. They only hire leftists.
By DR. JOYCE BROTHERS
SYNDICATED COLUMNIST
DEAR DR. BROTHERS: I recently moved to a new area of the country, in which it is very common for households to have a bottle of bleach for cleaning or disinfecting. I have never had any exposure to poisonous cleaning agents at all and have always been very frightened of them. Yet around here, children are routinely taught to clean, with a healthy respect for but no fear of cleaning chemicals. Anyway, my wife brought a bottle of bleach home after I reluctantly agreed (we do have a problem with bacteria and virii at our new farm), but I find myself being very nervous about just having it. I would never want to use it. Is this strong a reaction normal? -- D.K.
DEAR D.K.: I would say that it is quite normal and even smart to be afraid of any dangerous chemical that could kill you or a member of your family. It could even make for a very unpleasant situation should the victim be a bacteria in your kitchen and you have to see it dispatched. There is almost no upside to having a bottle of bleach if you aren't a clean freak, and you shouldn't have to live with this creepy feeling indefinitely.
That said, I think you need to sit down with your wife and discuss all this. She needs to be able to tell you how she feels about having -- and possibly using -- the cleaning agent. Did she buy the bleach mainly to minimize discord in the new neighborhood -- in other words, to fit in? Does she have any background or training in hazmat use and chemical safety? Was she ever in the military? And do you agree that you really need it? If so, take some lessons and do some laundry so that you can gain some mastery and lessen your fears. Keep the bleach locked up, of course, and keep that fear at a healthy level. After all, it is deadly. If you still feel terrified after taking these steps, I suggest that you live in filth.
...Is this strong a reaction normal? -- D.K....
Yes, you are insane and a danger to freedom loving peoples the world over. Please, run, don't walk to a tall building and throw yourself off the roof.
Oh, and be careful you don't land on a bunny or a squirrel.
Heh... I'm not that hard on her, or, for that matter, on the advice Dr. Joyce gave her. The advice she gave is the same I would give. She should go shooting with her husband and become familiar with it!
I've known a lot of good people, including my roommates in college, who were fearful and apprehensive about guns being in the house because they'd never been exposed to them! Anything unfamiliar and deadly is frightening.
But both of my roommates, and everyone else I've ever taken shooting, was much more comfortable with them after a nice, organized, safe day of target shooting.
Dr. Joyce Brothers -- NIMROD
There may be several reasons she's afraid of the gun....
Loud noises (I know I know lame, but some folks are more sensitive than others).
A gun related death or suicide in the family.
Thoughts of suicide herself (sorry, but that's why several folks I know got guns out of their houses).
Or having been threatened repeatedly with a gun by a family member.
Just playing devil's advocate, that's all. :)
Translation: Owning a gun is irrational and dangerous.
Maybe she ought to move back to the big city where she came from. At least the guns on the farm are legal. I imagine whatever big city she came from there were more guns, but she didn't see them.
WTF? Does she think all the guys in rural communities regularly meet at someone's garage to demonstrate their firearms? And that hubby will be socially shunned if he doesn't proudly display his .12 ga bona fides? Earth to Dr. Brothers: If this guy is worried about "fitting in" in his new community, whether he has a gun is his last concern - The Kerry/Edwards bumper sticker probably on wifey's Saab is a much bigger problem.
It could even make for a very unpleasant situation should the victim be a predator in your yard and you have to see it dispatched.
Hey, dipwad. A "predator in your yard" is, by definition, NOT a "victim"; it's a threat. If that predator were to attack your child, he or she would be a victim.
The psychologist writing this piece has made some professional errors. The most serious error is that it is normal to be afraid of guns. Fear of inanimate objects is not "normal" in any psychology scholarship of which I am aware. Neither is it "smart". There is no strong correlation between intelligence and fear although intelligence might be linked to awareness of some potential dangers that less intelligent beings may not perceive. It is probably a rare situation, however, that a human being is so stupid they can not perceive most dangers in daily life. Finally, it is quite unwise to offer as professional advice the disarming of a patient who lives in a place where real dangers are present that firearms can help protect against. If this advisor were my employee, I would question her professional knowledge, especially having put an advisee at risk and failing to provide a professionally well-founded method for the advisee to reduce her fears.
Short version: Incompetence.
Dr. Brothers article seems to play into some of that hype, hence the negative reaction by some on this thread.
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