Posted on 02/08/2006 4:02:23 AM PST by LouAvul
Any parent will tell you kids can be depressing at times. A new study shows that raising them is a lifelong challenge to your mental health.
Not only do parents have significantly higher levels of depression than adults who do not have children, the problem gets worse when the kids move out.
"Parents have more to worry about than other people do—that's the bottom line," said Florida State University professor Robin Simon. "And that worry does not diminish over time. Parents worry about their kids' emotional, social, physical and economic well-being. We worry about how they're getting along in the world."
Simon knows from experience.
"I adore my kids," she said in a telephone interview. "I would do it over again. There are enormous emotional benefits. But I think [those benefits] get clouded by the emotional cost. We worry about our kids even when they're doing well."
The depressing results seem to be across the board in a study of 13,000 people. No type of parent reported less depression than non-parents, Simon said.
Some parents are more depressed than others, however. Parents of adult children, whether they live at home or not, and parents who do not have custody of their minor children have more symptoms of depression than those with young children all in the nest, regardless of whether they are biological children, step children or adopted.
Other research has shown there's a bright side to raising kids, too. One study of people with younger children found the parents have greater social networks and higher levels of self-confidence than non-parents.
"Young children in some ways are emotionally easier," Simon said. "Little kids, little problems. Big kids, big problems."
The research, announced today, was published in the American Sociological Association's Journal of Health and Social Behavior.
Simon also found that married parents are less depressed than the unmarried. But, surprisingly, the effects of parenthood on depression were the same for men and women.
Part of the problem, Simon figures, is that Americans don't get as much help at parenting as they once did, or as is the case in other countries.
"We do it in relative isolation. The onus is on us," she said. "It's emotionally draining."
The primary data was pulled from a study done in the late 1980s. But Simon checked the results against a repeated version of the study from the mid-90s and reached the same conclusions, and she said there is little reason to expect a new survey would yield much different results.
"People should really think about whether they want to do this or not," Simon said of parenting.
I'm so glad you said that...I work in an environment of professionals and some of these young professionals decide they want to have children, and when the children arrive, they can't understand why their lives are no longer the same.....they mostly complain about sleepless nights.....like they feel they should have their lives controlled before and after they had children....(foolish, foolish, foolish).
"...My own life attests to this...This is what G-d does."
Amen.
Gee, I've always found the thought of being childless depressing. Yeah, being a parent is work, but the rewards far outweigh the costs. Your house, car, and other toys sure won't remember you after your gone. It's anti-Darwinian that many of the most successful people I know choose not to reproduce.
I'm one half of a two income family. When my children were little (from 3 days old), I brought them to work with me. When they started school, my office hours matched theirs. Now they are both attending a nearby college where they can come home regularly. Nothing, absolutely nothing, gives me more joy and eliminates my stress than holding them. They know it too, and hug me constantly.
LOL!!!
At times, no doubt about it.
However, being a male I can verify that we fathers need to ... A) Start a family very early in our adult life when we are most pliable ...
And B) Be able to get away from the little gremlins for at least 8 hours a day.
Our teats just aren't up to the demand. ;)
Trust me on this, I helped raise five beginning when I was 21. Should have started when I was 15. ;)
I work 24/7, but get to cuddle with my clients, put them on my lap and read ABC books to them, have every excuse to cut pointless activities, take charge of the education of these wee ones, endure countless kisses, hugs, "I love you's," and "wow, this food is GREAT!"
Yeah, the hours are long, and I can't say much for the pay, but I wouldn't trade it for the world!
Heck, growing up on a farm was a continual lesson in sex education. Seeing the birds, bees, cows, sheep, goats, and pigs merrily humping away forced farm parental units to be frank and up front with kids about sex.
My gosh! I'd rather be worrying about my children than worrying about not having any!
I've done both. You have no idea how correct you are!
I've been there, too, my friend!
Maybe it's because they chose not to reproduce that they are successful. Maybe it's because they have the realization that if they reproduced, their lives as they know it would go down the toilet. Maybe.
I reckon some folks might call me successful, some folks not, but if I ever go the anklebiter route, it'll be when I'm middleaged and well set up to hire a nanny or something. One a them militant types.
you are absolutely right, the children who are not worried over cannot possibly be as successful. they are children without boundaries, without discipline, and without much self-esteem (not that i think a slavish amount of attention needs paid to that). if your parents don't worry about you, how could they possibly care enough?
True enough. My parents were open about it. It was hard not to discuss it when my dad has his arm up a cows vagina up to his elbow turning or pulling a calf. Quite a bit different influence than MTV showing homo's courting and mating on the show "Next."
This is not parenting. It's having a child as a pet, or status symbol, or mid-life crisis. But it ain't parenting. Please don't have any anklebiters !!!
they will wipe your drool and change your depends down the road, so be glad you have them : ) Mine are 17, 14 and 11. i worry myself sick over just about everything about them, but they are well behaved, smart and conscientous kids.
Your kids sound great and I'm sure you're very proud of them. You must have done (and are doing) a good job. Parenting has to be one of the hardest jobs ever.
i am biologically wired to worry and i can't NOT worry. i don't want them to hurt in any way and while intellectually i know that is impossible, it doesn't stop me. i know God will protect them and our lives are God-centered. I pray that will always be so for them. my son might do the stupid stuff you did, but i assure you that my daughters will not : ) he is the one i worry about most!
thanks! you worry about whether they will fall and crack their skulls or drink drano from under the sink when they are little and think that is bad, then they get their drivers license and you know they are on the road and you know that it has ratcheted the worry up astronomically. i don't forsee an end to the worry!
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