Posted on 02/03/2006 9:54:00 AM PST by Digital Disaster
February 4, 2006
Guantanamo Bay, Cuba
Hello from Cuba, one of the few enlightened countries in this part of the world. This week I joined several women from Amnesty International on their investigative mission to the dastardly U.S. gulag at Guantanamo Bay, Cuba.
In a show of respect for these imprisoned and oppressed freedom fighters, we women decided to wear burqas and also brought a few Holy Korans and ornate prayer rugs to hand out. I have never worn a burqa, and have to say it was awfully confining and hot, as the only ventilation was through the little screen area where you look out.
Before seeing the prisoners, we went to the kitchen to inspect their meals being prepared and were disgusted by what we found. First of all, the appetizer was simply unacceptable as the shrimp were small and the presentation uninspired. The main course was "lis-san el qua-thi" (eggplant wrapped meat) and was clearly an attempt to torture these poor men, as the portions were meager and served on flimsy paper plates. The final humiliation was the dessert "katayef " - there was hardly any syrup and the cook's attempt at garnishment with orange slices was clumsy and poorly executed. We sampled the meal and although it didn't taste that bad, we were shocked and disgusted by the fact it was served lukewarm. This all went into our report.
As we toured the facility, it became obvious these men were being mistreated more than anyone knew. Cells were small and the furniture mismatched. I personally saw a plaid comforter paired with striped pillow shams in one cell and in another, drapes that were absolutely filthy. Speaking through our interpreter, one man described the cheap single-ply toilet paper and toothpaste without fluoride they are forced to use. Another man claimed the only cologne provided is Old Spice, and that he's forced to wear boxers even though he's a briefs man. Outrageous! Among other violations, we noticed some cockroaches, drab carpeting, and poor reception on several televisions.
Midway through our inspection, I suffered a severe case of intestinal distress resulting from the unfamiliar ethnic food. My discomfort was elevated by the lack of ventilation in my burqa, and I started getting light-headed due to the lack of "good" air - thank God I wasn't close to an open flame, or I would have gone off like a bottle rocket! After a prolonged restroom break, I felt a little better and was allowed into a cell to present Korans to the "shaykh" (senior holy man) and his cellmates.
I was careful to wear gloves so as not to sully the sacred book with my "infidel" hands. Unfortunately, my gesture of good will got a little sidetracked as I went to hand the book to the grizzled old man. Out of the corner of my eye I saw the biggest sewer roach I've ever laid eyes on, hanging off the side of his turban! I have an insane fear of bugs and before I could even think about what I was doing, I two-handed the Holy Koran upside his head. Needless to say, Abdul dropped faster than Saddam's net worth as his cellmates lunged at me! I screamed for the guard as one jihadist held me while the another furiously tried to decapitate me! Thankfully all he had was a toothbrush, although by the time the guards pulled him off me, I had severe bristle burns on the back of my neck, which almost required immediate attention. I survived, but was badly shaken.
I understand a fatwa has been issued against me and I've been forced into hiding. I guess it was to be expected since I am now as guilty as the U.S. military of torturing these innocent civilians, something I deeply regret.
Funny piece! :-)
Bwahahahaha! Send it to Congressperson Woolsey and see if she gets it.
Bump for LOL.
Thanks.
Just so. Moonbats barking 'round the world...
The traditional ornate cover of the Koran is proof of the time honored theory that you cannot polish a turd.
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