Some humor regarding aging [for you baby boomers out there!]

email | 2 Feb 2006 | email

[COBOL2Java]

I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape, so I got my doctor's permission to join a fitness club and start exercising. I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors. I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour. But, by the time I got my leotards on, the class was over.

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Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman: "And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?" the reporter asked. She simply replied, "No peer pressure."

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The nice thing about being senile is you can hide your own Easter eggs.

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An elderly woman decided to prepare her will and told her preacher she had two final requests. First, she wanted to be cremated, and second, she wanted her ashes scattered over Wal-Mart. "Wal-Mart?" the preacher exclaimed. "Why Wal-Mart?" "Then I'll be sure my daughters visit me twice a week."

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My memory's not as sharp as it used to be. Also, my memory's not as sharp as it used to be.

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It's scary when you start making the same noises as your coffeemaker.

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The good news is that even as we get older, guys still look at our boobs. The bad news is they have to squat down first.

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These days about half the stuff in my shopping cart says, "For fast relief."

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I've tried to find a suitable exercise video for women my age, but they haven't made one called "Buns of Putty."

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Don't think of it as getting hot flashes. Think of it as your inner child playing with matches.

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Remember: You don't stop laughing because you grow old, You grow old because you stop laughing.

[Bender2]

Me? I've... never felt... bette... Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

[Nam Vet]

Those are two of my favorite 'growing old' jokes. Everyone always tells me that they are mean. I don't get it. I'm far older than most who I tell those jokes to. P.C. has morphed so badly, you can't even joke about yourself anymore !

Nam Vet

[freeperfromnj]

One of my favorites:

Don't take life too seriously; No one gets out alive.

[NerdDad]

That's one I had not seen. I still remember the one from my long ago teen years about sex and TP being similar.

Once you tear off the first piece, the rest comes easy.

[NerdDad]

Hey honey, the next to last one is for you and the other girls in your office.

[COBOL2Java]

Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty & well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and proclaiming- "WOW! What a ride!"

Thanks! That's a keeper!

[MamaTexan]

Thanks! That's a keeper!

LOL

My pleasure, Hon!

[SF Republican]

returned to them in their paid envelopes!- tape the envelope to a brick next time.

[COBOL2Java]

Then there's this gem:

When motion picture executive Adoph Zukor was feted on his hundredth birthday, he was asked if there was anything he might have done differently. He is alleged to have said, "If I'd known I was going to live this long, I'd have taken better care of myself."

[Billthedrill]

I am in shape, dang it. Round is a shape.

[Gay State Conservative]

Everyone always tells me that they are mean. I don't get it.

On the one hand,I'm not sure that jokes like that are "mean".But on the other hand,Alzheimer's and related diseases are very very sad things to watch.

My Dad,who died just over a year ago (age 88),had a brain disease that was similar to Alzheimer's.Watching him deteriorate,particularly over the final year,was heartbreaking for us,partially because he had been so vibrant and intelligent when he was well.

So I guess there's an argument to be made in support of both camps.

[WIladyconservative]

I've seen these additions to this quote:

Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty & well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, martini in one hand and chocolate in the other proclaiming- "WOW! What a ride!"

[Bean Counter]

Julia Child made an appearance in Portland a few years ago, and a local reporter asked her what she attributed her good health and longevity to.

Her answer??

"Red meat, and gin."

Works for me....

[MamaTexan]

"If I'd known I was going to live this long, I'd have taken better care of myself."

LOL! Ain't THAT the truth!

[MamaTexan]

martini in one hand and chocolate in the other

ROFL!

Never heard that one...I like it! :)

[manwiththehands]

My 70-something dad tells a great story: "I wanted to clean something, and I was looking for my book 'How to Clean Anything', but I couldn't find the book. A few days later I found the book, but I forgot what I wanted to clean! HAHAHAHAHAH!"

[jjmcgo]

My favorite is:
When I go, I want to go like my grandpa, quietly slipping away, not like the screaming, panicky passengers in his car.

[HuntsvilleTxVeteran]

I may grow old but I refuse to grow up.

[MamaTexan]

I'm far older than most who I tell those jokes to. P.C. has morphed so badly, you can't even joke about yourself anymore !

I don't think it's political correctness, really.

More like fear.

Joking about yourself getting older isn't *mean*, it's being HONEST.

It also means you realize life is a transitory thing and enjoy it for the gift that it is.

The people who say your mean, they laugh anyway, right? At least before reality hits them.

The jokes force them to realize that little 'law of nature', too.

And it scares them.

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Sorry COBOL2Java. Not trying to be a thread-killer at FR, but I fear I'm starting to get a reputation. :)

[MamaTexan]

When I go, I want to go like my grandpa, quietly slipping away, not like the screaming, panicky passengers in his car.

ROFLMAO!

Note to self-
STOP trying to FReep and eat at the same time.

(Wiping keyboard)