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Some humor regarding aging [for you baby boomers out there!]
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| 2 Feb 2006
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Posted on 02/02/2006 7:39:45 AM PST by COBOL2Java
I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape, so I got my doctor's permission to join a fitness club and start exercising. I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors. I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour. But, by the time I got my leotards on, the class was over.
Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman: "And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?" the reporter asked. She simply replied, "No peer pressure."
The nice thing about being senile is you can hide your own Easter eggs.
An elderly woman decided to prepare her will and told her preacher she had two final requests. First, she wanted to be cremated, and second, she wanted her ashes scattered over Wal-Mart. "Wal-Mart?" the preacher exclaimed. "Why Wal-Mart?" "Then I'll be sure my daughters visit me twice a week."
My memory's not as sharp as it used to be. Also, my memory's not as sharp as it used to be.
It's scary when you start making the same noises as your coffeemaker.
The good news is that even as we get older, guys still look at our boobs. The bad news is they have to squat down first.
These days about half the stuff in my shopping cart says, "For fast relief."
I've tried to find a suitable exercise video for women my age, but they haven't made one called "Buns of Putty."
Don't think of it as getting hot flashes. Think of it as your inner child playing with matches.
Remember: You don't stop laughing because you grow old, You grow old because you stop laughing.
TOPICS: Political Humor/Cartoons
KEYWORDS: aging; crssyndrome; gettingold
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To: COBOL2Java
![](http://users3.ev1.net/~d_c_lee/sonofatpatcher2/yawn.jpg)
Me? I've... never felt... bette... Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
21
posted on
02/02/2006 8:20:57 AM PST
by
Bender2
(Stop doodling around... Read the first three chapters of my Science Fiction novel.)
To: Gay State Conservative
Those are two of my favorite 'growing old' jokes. Everyone always tells me that they are mean. I don't get it. I'm far older than most who I tell those jokes to. P.C. has morphed so badly, you can't even joke about yourself anymore !
Nam Vet
22
posted on
02/02/2006 8:22:00 AM PST
by
Nam Vet
(The Democrat Party of America is perfectly P.C. * .(* P.C. = Patriotically Challenged)
To: COBOL2Java
One of my favorites:
Don't take life too seriously; No one gets out alive.
To: RexFamilia
That's one I had not seen. I still remember the one from my long ago teen years about sex and TP being similar.
Once you tear off the first piece, the rest comes easy.
24
posted on
02/02/2006 8:23:51 AM PST
by
NerdDad
To: cdbear
Hey honey, the next to last one is for you and the other girls in your office.
25
posted on
02/02/2006 8:25:05 AM PST
by
NerdDad
To: MamaTexan
Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty & well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and proclaiming- "WOW! What a ride!" Thanks! That's a keeper!
26
posted on
02/02/2006 8:26:50 AM PST
by
COBOL2Java
(Freedom isn't free, but the men and women of the military will pay most of your share)
To: COBOL2Java
Thanks! That's a keeper! LOL
My pleasure, Hon!
27
posted on
02/02/2006 8:32:43 AM PST
by
MamaTexan
(I am NOT a ~legal entity~, nor am I a *person* as created by law!)
To: COBOL2Java
returned to them in their paid envelopes!- tape the envelope to a brick next time.
To: MamaTexan
Then there's this gem:
When motion picture executive Adoph Zukor was feted on his hundredth birthday, he was asked if there was anything he might have done differently. He is alleged to have said, "If I'd known I was going to live this long, I'd have taken better care of myself."
29
posted on
02/02/2006 8:37:51 AM PST
by
COBOL2Java
(Freedom isn't free, but the men and women of the military will pay most of your share)
To: COBOL2Java
I am in shape, dang it. Round is a shape.
To: Nam Vet
Everyone always tells me that they are mean. I don't get it. On the one hand,I'm not sure that jokes like that are "mean".But on the other hand,Alzheimer's and related diseases are very very sad things to watch.
My Dad,who died just over a year ago (age 88),had a brain disease that was similar to Alzheimer's.Watching him deteriorate,particularly over the final year,was heartbreaking for us,partially because he had been so vibrant and intelligent when he was well.
So I guess there's an argument to be made in support of both camps.
To: MamaTexan
I've seen these additions to this quote:
Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty & well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, martini in one hand and chocolate in the other proclaiming- "WOW! What a ride!"
32
posted on
02/02/2006 8:56:27 AM PST
by
WIladyconservative
(Can't find a suitable exercise video for my age; they don't have one called "Buns of Putty.")
To: COBOL2Java
Julia Child made an appearance in Portland a few years ago, and a local reporter asked her what she attributed her good health and longevity to.
Her answer??
"Red meat, and gin."
Works for me....
33
posted on
02/02/2006 8:58:00 AM PST
by
Bean Counter
("Stout Hearts!")
To: COBOL2Java
"If I'd known I was going to live this long, I'd have taken better care of myself." LOL! Ain't THAT the truth!
34
posted on
02/02/2006 9:15:54 AM PST
by
MamaTexan
(I am NOT a ~legal entity~, nor am I a *person* as created by law!)
To: WIladyconservative
martini in one hand and chocolate in the other ROFL!
Never heard that one...I like it! :)
35
posted on
02/02/2006 9:26:17 AM PST
by
MamaTexan
(I am NOT a ~legal entity~, nor am I a *person* as created by law!)
To: COBOL2Java
My 70-something dad tells a great story: "I wanted to clean something, and I was looking for my book 'How to Clean Anything', but I couldn't find the book. A few days later I found the book, but I forgot what I wanted to clean! HAHAHAHAHAH!"
36
posted on
02/02/2006 9:45:11 AM PST
by
manwiththehands
(Good news for America = bad news for democRats.)
To: MamaTexan
My favorite is:
When I go, I want to go like my grandpa, quietly slipping away, not like the screaming, panicky passengers in his car.
37
posted on
02/02/2006 9:49:16 AM PST
by
jjmcgo
To: COBOL2Java
I may grow old but I refuse to grow up.
38
posted on
02/02/2006 9:50:01 AM PST
by
HuntsvilleTxVeteran
(“Don't approach a Bull from the front, a Horse from the rear, or a Fool from any side.”)
To: Nam Vet
I'm far older than most who I tell those jokes to. P.C. has morphed so badly, you can't even joke about yourself anymore ! I don't think it's political correctness, really.
More like fear.
Joking about yourself getting older isn't *mean*, it's being HONEST.
It also means you realize life is a transitory thing and enjoy it for the gift that it is.
The people who say your mean, they laugh anyway, right? At least before reality hits them.
The jokes force them to realize that little 'law of nature', too.
And it scares them.
-----------------
Sorry COBOL2Java. Not trying to be a thread-killer at FR, but I fear I'm starting to get a reputation. :)
39
posted on
02/02/2006 9:50:56 AM PST
by
MamaTexan
(I am NOT a ~legal entity~, nor am I a *person* as created by law!)
To: jjmcgo
When I go, I want to go like my grandpa, quietly slipping away, not like the screaming, panicky passengers in his car. ROFLMAO!
Note to self-
STOP trying to FReep and eat at the same time.
(Wiping keyboard)
40
posted on
02/02/2006 9:55:38 AM PST
by
MamaTexan
(I am NOT a ~legal entity~, nor am I a *person* as created by law!)
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