Posted on 01/30/2006 12:32:48 PM PST by Theodore R.
Schools create programs to help kids cope with and prevent bullying
By Ilene Olson rep3@wyomingnews.com Published in the Wyoming Tribune-Eagle
Bullying can lead to anger and tears in the classroom, on the playground and even years later as adults recall being bullied as children. "It made me feel - I don't know how to say it - embarrassed, I guess."
Even so, she chose to walk away without saying anything.
"I just ignored them," she said.
Candiracci and McMillion both advised her, "Don't believe anybody who says that."
The three sixth-graders were among the students who watched a performance at Baggs by an improv group from Cheyenne's Triumph High, led by Triumph teacher Gary Scott.
Bullying was one of the subjects the performers touched on.
The sixth-graders remembered the lesson, taught in part with humor.
Candiracci recalled when some of the girls in the group were talking about "Fred," who had greasy hair and poor grooming skills.
"He wanted to introduce himself, but they said, 'You go away,'" Candiracci said. "They were judging him before they knew him."
The devastating effect of bullying came fully into public light after the Columbine High School shootings in Colorado in 1999. Many said it was continued bullying by other students that prompted Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold to retaliate by taking the lives of several schoolmates, then turning the guns on themselves.
A national outcry at that time resulted in a flurry of bully-prevention activities and programs nationwide.
But not all programs are working, some experts say. Instead of discouraging bullying, some programs make children more likely to become targets for bullying, thereby encouraging the very behaviors the programs are designed to prevent.
Tina McMillion, Tanner's mother, works at another local elementary school.
McMillion said she saw an increase in bullying behavior after children in the school watched a program on the subject.
"We actually had more trouble with our students for about a week after they saw the program than we had before," she said. "I think sometimes programs . give ideas how to do it instead of how to prevent it.
"Kids can be mean," she added.
Things settled down after several days, she added.
Despite the spike in bullying incidents, Tina McMillion said she thinks the program was beneficial overall.
"It looks like the district's got some good programs, and they're putting a stop to it and getting it a little under control."
Dodds said anti-bullying programs often result in increased reporting of bullying.
In a news release, Author Izzy Kalman, a New York school psychologist, said, "Bullying goes on wherever people live, work or study together.
"The problem is the victim mentality, the flip- and often-overlooked side of bullying. Most bullying programs unwittingly encourage this victim mentality."
The solution, Kalman said, is to teach kids how not to be victims.
Dodds said that is one of the things the local program is designed to do. The program empowers children by teaching them how to deal with bullies and when they should seek the help of an adult.
The catchphrase, "Ha, Ha, So," helps children remember effective ways to defuse or avoid problems with bullies. The letters stand for:
• Help: Knowing when and how to get help.
• Assert yourself: Learning when to stand up to a bully and when not to.
• Humor: Turning a difficult situation into a funny one.
• Avoid: Knowing how and when to walk away.
• Self talk: A way to feel good about yourself when someone else is putting you down.
• Own it: Agreeing with the put-downer in order to make light of a taunt, thereby developing the capacity to laugh at oneself.
When used effectively, those strategies create a shield that makes children more resilient and less likely to be bullied, Dodds said.
Children also are taught ways to behave and carry themselves to make them less likely targets for bullies. For instance, students learn social skills and are encouraged to walk with their heads up and their shoulders back. That makes them appear less weak and vulnerable and makes them less likely to be picked on, she said.
Children also are taught the difference between telling and tattling.
"Tattling is trying to get someone in trouble," Dodds said. "Telling is when someone needs help."
Bullying occurs when there is an imbalance of power, Dodds said. Boys tend to be physically aggressive in their bullying; girls usually tease and gossip.
The district's strategies for addressing bullying behavior include:
• Helping children who bully realize they don't have a right to bully.
• Empathy training to help bullies understand how their victims feel.
• Anger management.
• Improving thinking, social and interpersonal skills.
McMillion said he doesn't get bullied much. But he's been with friends when they teased them and refused to let other children play with them.
"They do it to make them feel left out," he said.
When that happens, McMillion said, he sometimes leaves his friends to play with the kids they were bullying.
Bunning said it also would help to tell the bullies to stop and stand up for the kids they are picking on.
Candiracci admitted to bullying a younger boy once.
"This one kid was bullying somebody, and I picked on him," he said. That was his way of showing the bully how it feels, he added.
Appropriate responses by parents and teachers are vital to make the anti-bullying program work, Dodds said.
"If staff and teachers don't intervene and follow through, teaching the victim is not enough, she said.
Dodds said she tells school administrators not to bother with the program if they're not going to train their staff members first.
Bunning, Candiracci and McMillion all said they could go to their teacher, Geri Craft, if they had problems with another student, and she would help them.
"Oh, yeah," Candiracci emphasized.
Parents also need to be educated, Dodds said. The school provides booklets to help them know how to identify problems associated with bullying and appropriate ways to respond.
"They need to know what bullying is," she said. "They need to know what specific skills their child needs to avoid it."
The bullies and the bullied - what are the signs?
Warning signs of a bullied child
• Reluctance to attend school activities
• Unexplainable drop in academic performance
• Avoidance of the school cafeteria or playground
• Reluctance to walk to or from school
• Reluctance to talk about what is happening at school
• Torn clothing
• Headaches, stomachaches or other unexplainable illness
• Changes in sleep patterns
• Sad and depressed demeanor
• Loss of interest in activities formerly enjoyed
Signs that a child might be a bully
• Doesn't care about hurting others' feelings
• Shows disrespect for authority
and rules
• Shows disrespect for the opposite
sex and people of different racial,
ethnic or religious backgrounds
• Enjoys fighting
• Believes "everything should go my way"
• Won't admit mistakes or fear
• Lies frequently to get out of trouble
• Deliberately hurts pets or other animals
• Doesn't trust others
• Uses anger to get what he or she wants
• Displays an attitude of superiority over other children
Now kids, don't pick on people. Or they'll kill you.
Yes, this is very intersting.
I had a problem like this once was I was a little boy, at the beach. So, my slightly older sister taught me how to throw a punch(no kidding, now). Soon enough I saw this kid again, and he laid that bully crap on me. Next thing I knew, my fist was flying into his face and he was out cold-on the beach. No more problem. Honest.
I prefer the 5th grade approach - beat the crap out of one and the rest will leave you alone.
*gasp*
Learning how to take care of oneself? Fighting a victim-based mindset? Teaching kids they need to be able to laugh at themselves?
*grasps chest* "It's the big one!"
</Sanford and Son impression>
I was bullied when I was little. My dad wanted me to let loose on them, but my mom was a school teacher and didn't want me to get in trouble. I obeyed my mother and simply endured it. Looking back on it now, I wish I had listened to my dad. To hell with school rules, I had the right to defend myself.
"..some of the girls in the group were talking about "Fred," who had greasy hair and poor grooming skills.
"He wanted to introduce himself, but they said, 'You go away,'" Candiracci said"
That counts as "bullying"? Seems like were defining bullying down, to borrow a phrase.
Lte me guess... What's needed is way more "counselling" (aka $) to solve the problem.
That's what you think! Here in the Peoples Republic of Maryland, there is no right to self-defense. My oldest son beat up the neighborhood bully (and it shut him up once and for all) and the police showed up at my house and told us that our son did not have the right-in Maryland-to defend himself. We politely told the policeman what we thought of that statute, and we thanked our son for not only protecting himself, but all the other neighborhood kids as well.
These scum weren't bullied. They were bullies themselves. Victims don't plan and carry out a massacre to celebrate hitler's birthday.
Unfortunately, in today's schools, that's true. What used to get settled by a simple fistfight now gets settled with a gunfight.
That's an understatement! Some children can be some of the most callous, unfeeling humans alive.
What did the policeman think of your disobedient attitude?
Bullies are psychologically the same at any age, IMO. They prey on perceived weakness. It's their attempt to hide/compensate for their own inadequacies. You, Reagan and GWB all know the appropriate response. :-)
Yeah, I grew up in Virginia... the policy here is not that much different from our northern neighbor. Basically if you got into a fight, no matter who started it or what the situation was, you got suspended.
Considering this is the Eastern Shore of Maryland; he understood.
I prefer to teach my kids to stand together and face danger head on. Make it too costly for the bully to come back when you are alone.
The district's strategies for addressing bullying behavior include:
• Helping children who bully realize they don't have a right to bully.
• Empathy training to help bullies understand how their victims feel.
• Anger management.
• Improving thinking, social and interpersonal skills.
What a bunch of panty-waisted, liberal clap-trap.
I think the increase in bullying and just plain bad behavior has more to do with the fact that kids do not have parental guidance anymore. Babies are put into daycare from an early age and then are later shuffled around in after school programs or with babysitters until they graduate. Kids want attention - if they do not find it in the home, they will look for it elsewhere.
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