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'Devil wives' getting a bad rap--many husbands think they are the cat's meow
asahi.com ^ | 01/14/2006 | haruko ishii, The Asahi Shimbun

Posted on 01/15/2006 4:55:00 AM PST by Excuse_My_Bellicosity

She mops up spilled juice with your favorite T-shirt, and then she makes you go shopping in the pouring rain. Let's face it, she's the wife from hell--but you still love her.

Sound familiar?

It should. This "mean wife, happy marriage" scenario has become a fad. When one man in a similar relationship began writing a blog about his experiences with his nasty wife, his account struck such a chord with readers that it's now been turned into a book and a TV drama series. He and his wife, it seems, are far from the only ones whose relationship thrives on the wife's selfishness--as 34-year-old Mina would no doubt agree.

Mina (not her real name) does Internet-related work at home and has been married to her 42-year-old husband for 12 years. "Why don't you ever wave goodbye to me anymore? Why don't we ever talk anymore?" she asked him one day.

"Actually, I'm the one who stopped waving goodbye," she admits with a laugh. And the reason they've stopped talking is because Mina's become deeply involved with her daughter's extracurricular activities.

But Mina was the one who began feeling angry. To let out her frustrations she began to use her hubby as a metaphorical punching bag. "When I take it out on my husband, I feel much better and forget what I got so wound up about," she says.

As Mina became busier, the house got messy and she cut down on the time she spent cooking. But her husband never complains. "He knows I would just tell him off if he did," she says.

After patiently letting Mina get things off her chest, the husband once said: "Pretend you've been tricked into cleaning the house. You'll calm down a bit." She did. When she cleaned the house and saw how nice it looked, her frustrations went away.

"He actually analyzes me very objectively," Mina says.

For all her flaws, the two behave like a couple in love. On weekends, they shop together or watch their son's baseball games. On birthdays, they buy each other presents.

Masanori (not his real name) is another man happy with his wife, even though he says his friends think she's mean. The 34-year-old Tokyo-based designer has been married for three years. When he told his 32-year-old wife, who works with him, that he wanted to buy a new computer for work, she insisted they buy a refrigerator at a later date and they ended up saving money for that instead.

His wife has a mug that cost 3,000 yen. Masanori's cost 1,000 yen. "Mine is more expensive," she brags. But her husband has no problem with her attitude. "I get really angry when it comes to work matters, but at home, things don't really bother me," he says.

In fact, the wife is very protective of her slim, quiet husband. "If someone picks a fight with you, just keep your distance," she often says. "If something happens to you, I'll go fight your battles."

Masanori is more than willing to do as she says. "My wife is a very determined woman," he says. "I have no complaints."

The blog that triggered the phenomenon is titled "Oni-yome Nikki" (The true story of my devil wife) and was started four years ago by a 33-year-old company employee from Fukuoka who calls himself "Kazuma."

Readers don't need to look far to find examples of the kind of behavior that inspired him. "When I had a cold, she made me sleep under the kotatsu (heated table) because she didn't want to catch my cold," he writes of his 33-year-old wife. "When I came home soaking wet, she made me strip naked by the front door because she didn't want me to get the floor wet."

These online entries received so many hits and attracted so much attention that the contents were published in a book last July. The blog was also made into a TV sitcom with the same title last fall.

"Times have really changed, I think, for this kind of relationship to be featured in a drama series," says Kazuma. "If men in similar situations feel better thinking that at least they're better off than me, I'm happy with that."

People often wonder why he doesn't just break up with this "devil" woman. "I would much rather see my wife happy than make her angry and create a hostile environment," he says.

While the drama series was aired from October to December, its official Web site often received e-mail from people in similar situations.

"I'm a devil wife myself," writes a woman in her 20s. "I say whatever I want to my kind husband and live a happy life. Of course, we are totally in love."

"I do all the cooking, cleaning and laundry," runs a message from a man in his 30s. "(My wife) was kind to me before we got married, but now she is quite the devil."

"My mother acts like the female lead," writes a teenage girl. "She forces my father to exchange her favorite ramen ingredients with his, and takes his money and blows 80,000 yen in one shopping spree."

Nonfiction writer Yuki Ishikawa expects the number of tyrannical women to increase. "There are more and more wives who brag about giving their husbands instant food instead of home-cooked meals, justifying their actions as giving their husbands what the husbands want," she says. "I feel like devil wives are innocent in a way, but immature. In the past, there were more women who wanted their husbands to give them attention. But now, many women look for husbands who let them get away with doing little around the house, getting together with friends or going for beauty treatments. I think this change in mindset will increase in the future."

Freelance writer Chihiro Fujiwara, 38, interviewed almost 100 self-described selfish wives and their husbands, and published a book on her findings in early November through Ameba Books Ltd.

When a friend of hers who was making an effort to be a good wife was suddenly served with divorce papers, Fujiwara wondered why that happened at a time when selfish wives were doing whatever they wanted and yet were loved and happy.

As she began interviewing people, she noticed a pattern. "There are no hard feelings because the women immediately tell their husbands whatever is bothering them," she says. "And when their wives demand money from their husbands, the men seem to feel glad that they're needed and are making their wives happy."

Fujiwara herself has been married for seven years. She used to keep her frustrations to herself. But she began telling her husband how she felt. "My husband was surprised at first because he had no idea what I was thinking, but he became kind. When I hinted that I wanted a pair of boots, he bought me a pair and was very happy about it."

"Society as a whole is still dominated by men, so if men ruled at home as well, it would be nasty," says comic book writer Mayumi Kurata. "I think it brings balance to society when women have control in the home.

"Devil wives who can spontaneously be selfish and ask for whatever they want are talented, in a way. Some husbands are happy being ordered around because it's easier to be told what to do. They also love getting all that attention from their wives. But this relationship style is different from the so-called weekend-only marriages and separated couples. I think married couples just need to find a relationship style that suits them."(IHT/Asahi: January 14,2006)


TOPICS: Foreign Affairs; Japan; News/Current Events
KEYWORDS: areyoukiddingme; ephesians5vs21thru33; husband; husbandbox; husbandloveyourwife; japan; japanping; manbox; marriage; oniyome; submittingmasochist; test; wifesubmittohusband; wivesdonotsubmit
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To: DTogo

So you went to japan and shopped for a bride? Do you dislike american woman? Why did you purposely go looking in a nother country? Are your wives alot younger than you?


161 posted on 01/15/2006 9:37:25 AM PST by Fawn (http://www.grab.com/fun/specials/licensetopill)
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To: dsc
I know a guy who brought his Lithuanian wife over about 6 or 7 years ago, so it can be done.

Oh yeah, it can definitely be done but the State Department has seemed to make it a lot more difficult than it needs to be.

162 posted on 01/15/2006 9:37:51 AM PST by Drew68
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To: SauronOfMordor
"Not that many people are aware that US fighter pilots were flying combat missions against the Japanese 6 months before Pearl Harbor. Google up the "American Volunteer Group" and read about their exploits in China."

She probably not aware of the Flying Tigers, (if that's who you mean) either, she's just a psychotic b!tch

163 posted on 01/15/2006 9:39:09 AM PST by muir_redwoods (Free Sirhan Sirhan, after all, the bastard who killed Mary Jo Kopechne is walking around free)
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To: Allegra

"Nah....I just want to hear you going "ow! ow! ow!" as the bacon grease spatters onto tender, sensitive areas."

Let's see, were you one of the ones who were complaining about some men having hostility toward American women?

Anyway, you can put that fantasy away. I'm a phenomenal cook, and I don't splatter. When cooked properly, at the proper temperature, bacon doesn't explode.


164 posted on 01/15/2006 9:39:41 AM PST by dsc (Islamic sexual violence against women should be treated as the repressive epidemic it is.)
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To: Fawn

No. No. Didn't. No, and there's only ever been one.


165 posted on 01/15/2006 9:40:11 AM PST by DTogo (I haven't left the GOP, the GOP left me.)
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To: Allegra

'tender, sensitive areas'

I doubt those exist.


166 posted on 01/15/2006 9:40:49 AM PST by Westlander (Unleash the Neutron Bomb)
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To: Drew68

"Oh yeah, it can definitely be done but the State Department has seemed to make it a lot more difficult than it needs to be."

I hate the state department.

Their attempts to "tighten up on abuses" always have the effect of inconveniencing the innocent, while doing nothing to actually prevent abuses.

Which is pretty much true of everything government does, come to think of it.


167 posted on 01/15/2006 9:42:03 AM PST by dsc (Islamic sexual violence against women should be treated as the repressive epidemic it is.)
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To: phantomworker; PaulaB; Allegra; peacebaby
We can only learn from your mistakes.
Thank you for sharing.

I'm staying out of this discussion. Many men treat women as a commodity, like a refrigerator or a laundry machine. Some would rather deal with inanimate objects because they haven't the personality to attract and retain a woman of deeper depths.

I told you about the guy who wanted to replace his late wife as if he were replacing a refrigerator and was basically sizing me up to take her place - as oppose to getting to know me and seeing if we had a life together.

No thanks. I rather not be a household appliance.
168 posted on 01/15/2006 9:42:12 AM PST by Dashing Dasher (Saving the Republic - one joke at a time)
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To: Conservative Goddess

Good stuff. Thanks!


169 posted on 01/15/2006 9:43:06 AM PST by Excuse_My_Bellicosity ("Sharpei diem - Seize the wrinkled dog.")
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To: Popman
corner of the housetop

Modern day translation; Garage

170 posted on 01/15/2006 9:43:35 AM PST by Fzob (Why does this tag line keep showing up?)
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To: Dashing Dasher
The AVG (American Volunteer Group) was not affiliated with the US Military. They were Volunteers, basically Mercenaries, as the name implies. The US was not involved in combat missions against the Japanese before Pearl Harbor.

The US was not "officially" fighting in China until after we entered the war. Here in Shanghai, the AVG is uniformly appreciated and practically worshipped. The AVG was actually an OSS (precursor to the CIA) operation, which was designed to slow the Japanese down until the US could enter the war. After Pearl Harbor, it quickly morphed into an official US Army Air Corps unit, which is where my Dad was stationed. Many of the pilots stayed - but many were just flat out mercenaries hired by the OSS - and weren't interested in the drastic wage cuts that absorption into the Army would entail.

171 posted on 01/15/2006 9:43:40 AM PST by guitfiddlist (When the 'Rats break out switchblades, it's no time to invoke Robert's Rules.)
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To: Westlander

"I doubt those exist."

Yeah, but that's because you're a bigot.


172 posted on 01/15/2006 9:43:58 AM PST by dsc (Islamic sexual violence against women should be treated as the repressive epidemic it is.)
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To: Dashing Dasher

Cheer Up. Whirpool bought Maytag recently. You might still have a chance.


173 posted on 01/15/2006 9:45:45 AM PST by Westlander (Unleash the Neutron Bomb)
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To: dsc
Dang....it's the end of my day and regretfully, I must sign off and do a little socializing and then go to sleep.

I'd love to hang out a little longer and tweak you. For some impish reason, I love to bedevil the humorless.

But alas, it's getting late-ish and laughter among the well-adjusted calls.

Good night, all!

174 posted on 01/15/2006 9:46:01 AM PST by Allegra (I'm Wearing New Socks!)
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To: guitfiddlist

Agreed.


175 posted on 01/15/2006 9:46:14 AM PST by Dashing Dasher (Saving the Republic - one joke at a time)
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To: Dashing Dasher

"was basically sizing me up to take her place"

Oh, you're a woman!

Well, that splains a lot.

Never mind what I said earlier about wanting to have a word with you.


176 posted on 01/15/2006 9:46:49 AM PST by dsc (Islamic sexual violence against women should be treated as the repressive epidemic it is.)
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To: dsc

revealing isn't it?


177 posted on 01/15/2006 9:47:01 AM PST by chasio649
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To: Westlander

I ran screaming from the room.

It was spooky, actually.


178 posted on 01/15/2006 9:47:28 AM PST by Dashing Dasher (Saving the Republic - one joke at a time)
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To: Allegra

"I love to bedevil the humorless."

Since you have apparently failed to see the humor in my posts, I guess you'll be bedeviling yourself in a few minutes.

Nighty night.


179 posted on 01/15/2006 9:48:44 AM PST by dsc (Islamic sexual violence against women should be treated as the repressive epidemic it is.)
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To: chasio649

For some reason I thought it was a guy.

Are there any men among the bigots on these threads, or are they all of the contradictory gender?


180 posted on 01/15/2006 9:50:09 AM PST by dsc (Islamic sexual violence against women should be treated as the repressive epidemic it is.)
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