Jonathon (The Impaler) Sharkey has chosen Friday – yes, Friday the 13th – to formally announce his candidacy. “Unlike other candidates, I’m not going to hide my evil side,” he said.
Posted on 01/12/2006 6:14:06 AM PST by Archangel86
Looking for something really, really different in a political candidate this year? Take a gander at Jonathon (The Impaler) Sharkey, who will launch his gubernatorial campaign in Princeton, Minn., on Friday the 13th as a "satanic dark priest" and the leader of the "Vampyres, Witches and Pagans Party."
Since there's nothing but a $300 filing fee to stop anyone from running for statewide office, campaigns in Minnesota typically attract colorful and eccentric characters looking for attention. And of course, former Gov. Jesse Ventura broke the mold and got elected. But Minnesota may never have seen a more outside-the-box politician than the Impaler, also a former pro wrestler.
For starters, he describes himself as a "sanguinary vampyre ... just like you see in the movies and TV, I sink my fangs into the neck of my donor (at this time in my life, it is my wife, Julie), and drink their blood," he said in an e-mail.
The 13-point platform on his extensive website (www.jonathonforgovernor.us) offers a number of conventional policy initiatives, including emphasis on education, tax breaks for farmers and better benefits for veterans.
Quite some distance from the mainstream, however, is his pledge to execute -- by impalement in front of the State Capitol -- terrorists, rapists, drug dealers, child abusers, repeat drunken drivers and anybody who preys on the elderly.
(Excerpt) Read more at startribune.com ...
Jonathon (The Impaler) Sharkey has chosen Friday – yes, Friday the 13th – to formally announce his candidacy. “Unlike other candidates, I’m not going to hide my evil side,” he said.
What's next? Jesse "The Body" Ventura running for...oh, wait.
Look into my eyes! You vill vote for me!!
Journalese for "moonbat attention whores."
But how can he impale people without the legislature behind him to change the exceution laws? Seems he needs an impalement wing of the legislature to help him.
Gotta love a candidate who will take a bite out of crime.
From his website:
"I am a Satanic Dark Priest, Sanguinarian Vampyre and a Hecate Witch."
The guy's a loon. You can't be a Satanist and a Witch at the same time. Witches don't believe in Satan. The two faiths are mutually exclusive.
"The guy's a loon. You can't be a Satanist and a Witch at the same time. Witches don't believe in Satan. The two faiths are mutually exclusive."
Well yeah, there's that, but I think the fact that HE THINKS HE'S A FREAKING VAMPIRE is proof enough that he's a loon.
"In August 1988, while visiting a relative, I met a girl who was totally taken by me and who I was. She was hott and sexy, so I drove her home that night on my bike, and slept with her. Though I do not regret sleeping with her, in 1996 I found that she was my half-sister who I hadn't seen since 1970."
So are you saying that a blood drinking lunatic that has sexual relations with relatives is any less qualified than Senators Clinton and Kennedy? Let's not be hasty.
Similar thing happened to me only I just woke up in a bath tub full of ice with a kidney missing.
I'd vote for him! Bring back public impalement!
UPDATE:
Vampyre candidate for governor arrested
http://www.startribune.com/467/story/216549.html
MORA, Minn. -- A candidate for governor whose platform includes public impalement of terrorists found himself behind bars today on a pair of outstanding arrest warrants.
Jonathon Sharkey, 41, of Princeton, was arrested Monday night on two felony counts from Indiana, said Mike Smith, the Mille Lacs County jail administrator. One warrant was for escape, another for stalking.
Smith didn't have any other information and Sheriff Brent Lindgren didn't immediately return a phone call.
Sharkey launched his campaign last month. His platform includes an emphasis on education, tax breaks for farmers and better benefits for veterans, but he also said he favored impaling certain wrongdoers in front of the State Capitol.
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