John,
One thing that concerns me in all of your posts is that you are considering remarriage when this may not be in the best interest of your daughter. I understand that you want more kids, but why would you do that to your daughter. She would then live in a household with a woman who would treat her own children better than your daughter. Also, your daughter would lose part of you to another woman and these new children.
I personally think you should devote your non-work time to your daughter and not worry about getting remarried until she is grown. Your daughter has already lost her mom, she doesn't need to lose part of you.
You think this is necessarily true? I don't. I can't imagine showing preferences of one child over another, it's not part of my character, nor that of a loving person. A stepmom can be a vital nurturing parent, particularly in the absence of her real mom. (it's easier than a divorce situation where there is a live, 'real mom' to conflict with)
You know what I saw once on a remarriage that I really thought was a powerfully good idea? Vows, as part of the ceremony, from both bride and groom to the existing children. To love, respect and raise them as their own, indivisible. It was perhaps the most inclusive, committed way I've ever seen of including and acknowledging the children such marriages will affect. It made them feel a part of it. And it brought tears to my eyes it was so touching. So much better than the child sitting in the pews like a mere spectator.
My mother remarried when my brother and I were nearly grown, but her husband, my stepdad, bought a ring for her that had three diamonds on it. One for her, and one for each of her children. It was his wasy of acknowledging that he was marrying us all.
There are ways to make the kids feel a part of things, and acknowledged and cherished when all these big changes happen.
Anyway, JohnO... I bring these up as ideas to file away somewhere, hoping you'll have a wedding to plan someday... they're good ideas.
She brought it up. She has already decided that she will be the flower girl and is so excited about being a big sister. One of the characteristics that I have on my request to God is that she loves Autumn as her own child. I couldn't marry her if she didn't
I personally think you should devote your non-work time to your daughter and not worry about getting remarried until she is grown. Your daughter has already lost her mom, she doesn't need to lose part of you.
I will address this part in a later post. Please read to the end in case I miss pinging you