Posted on 01/10/2006 1:49:22 AM PST by nickcarraway
She deserves respect because she is my wife. I deserve respect because I am her husband. The initial quantity of respect is not earned by anything more than saying "I do".
The problem is so many woman (and men I guess) wait for it to be earned before giving it. And then they wonder why their marriage sucks
So would you rather have automatic respect because a woman has it instilled in her by her culture that men are superior (and can set you on fire if you anger them)
Where do you get this stuff. In most traditional cultures (and I do not count any moslem culture as traditional) respect is given because that is what is due. Respect is not given out of fear.
The reason why women get custody of their children over the men is a simple one. Even today, most children are primarily taken care of by their mothers. The courts don't want to take kids away from the primary caregiver.
Until men become the primary care givers in most instances, kids will go with their mothers.
I personally think that when kids get to be about 12, they should pick where they live if all things are equal. I think girls would normally pick their moms, and boys would pick their dads. It only becomes tricky when you have siblings of the opposite sex.
Of course, these cases can be eliminated if the parents can work together and come up with a plan together that is best for the children.
You've hit it perfectly!!!!! Well said!!!
"The problem is so many woman (and men I guess) wait for it to be earned before giving it. And then they wonder why their marriage sucks"
I agree that this is way too late in the process. Why would I marry a man in the first place I didn't respect, or who did not respect me? It's "earned" on both sides as we get to know each other.
Men need to earn respect, just like women. Of course, one hopes that the respect was earned prior to marriage, and that is why someone would marry the other person.
Also, during marrige one needs continuing earning respect.
The problem is that some people stop trying to earn their spouses respect, and some people respecting their spouse even though their spouse deserves it.
And for that we are guilty. But it does go to show how feminism has destroyed (devalued?) women in many mens eyes. So at least it serves as a good case of a bad example.
You intermingle the meaning of respect in marriage with a service aspect that I see as just being nice and giving of yourself because you love someone.
That's because they are closely intermingled. In the US we'd be aghast or confused as all get out if our wives bowed down to us or (except for the Amish) if they walked behind us by a few paces. We don't want slaves, we want wives. (besides that, nothing feels quite as nice as having your arm around your wife and talking a walk)
Oh well, John... I know a lot of what has gotten you grief on this forum is semantics.
Except for a few people who seem to have unresolved issues of their own I'd bet that this was the case.
You talk in a way that seems to reduce women to functions they provide for you. Perhaps it is just the coldness of text.
You can't really say what you mean without writing a book covering all the exceptions and angles. So I guess it is just the text limitation. I love women, have great respect for women, desire women, admire women, (sounding kind of like lazamataz here!). Man is not complete without woman and vice versa. So I never intended to objectify anyone. I guess it just comes across that way sometimes.
You probably aren't my kinda guy, but you're probably an OK guy in your own life. I do hope you find love and companionship for yourself and your daughter.
Thanks HOTD. Best to you and yours also.
The end of that post is supposed to say that "some people stop respecting their spouse even thought their spouse deserves it."
John, pretend with me, that one day, you meet a woman at church who is the answer to all your prayers. She is your soul mate. I mean, you finish each others sentences, love all the same things, you've never been happier. EXCEPT, after the 3rd date, it comes out that she's sterile.
I do not believe in love at first sight. Love is a decision you make to treasure someone. (as you described below, I would have taken a bullet for my wife and more. Ask andie74 if you need independant verification) While you can be immensly attracted to someone right off the bat you can't really love them until you know them. This takes time. Love grows with each day you spend with someone as long as you are moving in the same direction. Likewise if your paths diverge love can die. That's why it's critical to keep involved in each others lives and to keep moving in the same direction.
One reason I am using the church lady network is to be able to as much as possible spend my time only with people who are a good match. (I've not dated in 20 years and haven't a clue how to even start. I'll let the pro's do the work for me. Church ladies (at least the ones I know) normally live for this sort of thing) So by the time I'm on the first date with someone I will know that they want kids (and as far as they know can have kids*). So I'd never get to the third date with Sterile Stella cause I wouldn't date her in the first place. We are not a good match
So how could she be my soul mate if we never really talk and I know already that our goals are not the same.
So Sterile Stella introduces you to her younger sister. Fertile Myrtle. A nice girl, meets all the criteria. You could get alone with her OK. But you know that Stella is true match.
As a matter of principle it is always wrong to date someone's sister once you've dated them. It is cruel to at least one of the sisters and since they could end up as your in-law it is never a good idea. I wouldn't entertain it at all.
OK, I know the answer to this. Every woman reading this knows the answer to this. Sadly, even poor Myrtle will know the answer too....THAT is as simple as I can put it.
I don't even know the question being asked here?
Women want love..... Period.
Agreed entirely. And I wouldn't marry a woman if I couldn't love her that way.
Any woman marrying you will always know that she is second. Always.
Again I don't understand. Second to who? How is finding someone with the same goals you have somehow an insult to or a devaluing of that person?
Should I hold it against a woman if she won't marry me because I'm white and she wanted a black man? Or because her life is built around being in and on the water and she wanted a swimmer and I can't swim? Of course not. I'm obviously not what she's looking for. Why would a woman hold it against me for trying to find what I'm looking for?
I really don't understand why you see it as creepy.
* We've covered the case on previous threads where she didn't know she was sterile. Once married always married. If I loved her enough to marry her in the first place than obviously I will love her enough to spend the rest of my life with her, treasuring her every day of the way
Yep.
EXACTLY CORRECT!!!
NO, Hair's comment was about men seeking overseas wives. Unless (and apparently in your own mind) overseas housewives=stay-at-home moms.
There are still millions upon millions of stay-at-home moms in America. In fact MOST of the women in my very large extended family and most of the women I grew up with are stay-at-home moms. And there are many stay-at-home moms on this forum as well as many women here who would like to be. I applaud them.
If you don't see it, you are blind.
Your problem isn't going to be the church ladies so much as it's going to be the parents. I don't think the parents of 25 year old woman (an age you gave) are going to react as favorably to her bringing home a man their age, and not her age as you might think. I may be proven wrong, but I think you're going to find that your desire to marry outside of your generation is going to be much bigger stumbling block than you apparently believe. However, keep us updated on the search either way.
Because so many times the mother truly is unfit. If the mother ran around on the husband she should lose the kids (and vice versa) but that's almost never the case. She commits adultery, he gets the shaft.
If you married, would you want mom to stay home with the kids? If so, why?
Yes. Because a good woman is the best nurturer. Her most suitable career is to raise children (I know some will argue with me but thousands of years of successful human history are hard to argue with). However a bad woman is a child's worst nightmare.
"Women should stay home with the kids. It's Mom's job to raise them. It's Dad's job to work."
Usually true
"In cases of divorce, custody should not be awarded to moms so often.
Usually true (of course this must be evaluated on a case by case basis. This evaluation is what's missing. the courts automatically assume that the mother is a good mother)
After all, the mother/child relationship is no more important than the father/child relationship."
Gospel truth. We see from all sorts of studies the importance of a father in the home. The relationships are different but both are needed.
In divorce children always lose, good husbands to bad wives most always lose, good wives sometimes lose, bad wives make out like bandits.
No fault divorce is a crime against humanity.
see post 454
But unfortunately sometimes it is the whole story. Life can be ugly.
"No fault divorce is a crime against humanity."
Amen to that.
Sounds a lot like my New Years Eve party, which is also my wife's birthday. We had church friends, some family, a few bikers, mountain bikers, and doctors and nurses all shuffling about. The more timid souls left before it got really wild, but for a while, we had about as mixed a group as is humanly possible.
This is probably true but since I am relying on God to bring us together I'm sure He can smooth the path with her parents too. I seem to remember a few posts on this thread of people who've done the same thing so I have increased hope.
I've been telling people that with all the hoops to jump through I will be certain that once we get through them all that the woman is the one God wants for me.
I'm sure the topic will arise on future threads. And I'm always ready to jump in.
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