LOL. What is that for, to make all the tin-foilers happy? The Onion left out aliens. Looks like a cover-up.
I remember surfing a JFK conspiracy website a while back, and seeing a master list of all the various theories seriously put forth at one time or another.
Some of the best:
1. Nixon did it (he WAS in Dallas that day, strangely enough).
2. Connelly signaled the shooters when he waved his hat.
3. LBJ did it from the car behind!
And the all-time champ...
4. JFK committed suicide! In the Zapruder film, when he's supposedly reacting to getting shot in the neck he's actually reaching inside his jacket for his gun. Then he bends forward, loads the ammo and kills himself. Or something.