The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment: Get
their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end
of it. The next day the kids came back and one by one began
to tell their stories.
Kathy said, "My father's a farmer and we have a lot of
egg-laying hens. One time we were taking our eggs to market in
A basket on the front seat of the pickup when we hit a bump in
The road and all the eggs went flying and broke and made a mess."
"And what's the moral of the story?" asked the teacher.
"Don't put all your eggs in one basket!" "Very good,"
said the teacher.
Next little Lucy raised and hand and said, "Our family are
farmers too. But we raise chickens for the meat
market. We had a dozen eggs one time, but when they hatched
we only got ten live chicks and the moral to this story is don't
count your chickens until they're hatched."
"That was a fine story Lucy. Johnny, do you have a story to share?"
"Yes, ma'am, my daddy told me this story about my Aunt Mary.
Aunt Mary was a flight engineer in Desert Storm and her plane
got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had
was a bottle of whiskey, a machine gun and a machete.
She drank the whiskey on the way down so it wouldn't
break and then she landed right in the middle of 100 enemy troops.
She killed seventy of them with the machine gun until she ran out
of bullets, then she killed twenty more with the machete till the
blade broke and then she killed the last ten with her bare hands.
"Good heavens," said the horrified teacher, "what kind of moral
did your daddy tell you from that horrible story?
"Stay the Hell away from Aunt Mary when she's been drinking."
OMG!!!
YOU ARE KILLING ME HERE!!!!
Go Aunt Mary!
Here's one for you. . .
Submarine Life
The new Ensign was assigned to subs, where he'd dreamed of working since a young boy. He was trying to impress the Master Chief with his expertise learned in Submarine School.
The Master Chief cut him off quickly and said, "Listen, 'sir', it's real simple. Add the number of times we dive to the number of times we surface. Divide that number by two. If the result doesn't come out even, don't open the hatch."
I just phoned my daughter to tell her that one! LOL!!!