Posted on 01/02/2006 3:19:14 AM PST by leprechaun9
HIGH SCHOOL STUDENTS DEMAND WARS IN EASIER-TO-FIND COUNTRIES
"How Come No One Fights in Big Famous Nations Anymore?" They Ask
Washington, D.C. (SatireWire.com) —
A delegation of American high school students today demanded the United States stop waging war in obscure nations such as Afghanistan, Kuwait, and Bosnia-Herzegovina, and instead attack places they've actually heard of, such as France, Australia, and Austria, unless, they said, those last two are the same country.
"People claim we don't know as much geography as our parents and grandparents, but it's so not our fault," Josh Beldoni, a senior at Fischer High School in Los Angeles, told the Senate Armed Services Committee. "Back then they only had wars in, like, Germany and England, but we're supposed to know about places like Somalia and Massachusetts."
"Macedonia," corrected committee Chairman Carl Levin of Michigan.
"See?" said Beldoni.
Beldoni's frustration was shared by nearly three dozen students at the hearing, who blamed the U.S. military for making them look bad.
"I totally support our soldiers and all that, but I am seriously failing both geography and social studies because I keep getting asked to find Croatia or Yemvrekia, or whatever bizarre-o country we send troops to," said Amelia Nash, a junior at Clark High School in Orlando, Fla. "Can't we fight in, like, Italy? It's boot-shaped."
Chairman Levin however, explained that Italy was a U.S. ally, and that intervention is usually in response to a specific threat.
"OK, what about Arulco?" interrupted Tyler Boone, a senior at Bellevue High School in Wisconsin. "That's a country in Jagged Alliance 2 run by the evil Queen Deidranna. I'm totally familiar with that place. She's a major threat."
"Jagged...?" said Levin.
"Alliance. It's a computer game."
"Well, no," Levin answered. "We can't attack a fictional country."
"Yeah right," Boone mumbled. "Like Grenada was real."
The students' testimony was supported by a cross-section of high school geography teachers, who urged the committee to help lay a solid foundation for America's young people by curtailing any intervention abroad.
"Since the anti-terror war began, most of my students can now point to Afghanistan on a map, which is fine, but those same kids still don't know the capitals of Nevada and Ohio," said Richard Gerber, who teaches at Rhymony High School in Atlanta. "I think we need to cut back on our activities overseas and take care of business at home, and if that means invading Tallahassee (Fla.) or Trenton (N.J.) so that students learn where they are, so be it."
"I've always wanted to stick it to Hartford (Conn.)," said Sen. Lincoln Chafee of Rhode Island. "Oh shit, is my microphone on?"
The hearing adjourned after six hours. An estimated 2,000 more students were expected to hold a march in the nation's capital, but forgot which city it was in.
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Brought a smile to my lips. That and the preceding line about attacking a fictional country... :-)
The only problem is that it made Carl Levin actually seem smart
You have competion :)
There's a four year geography course where these kids can learn about many of the out of the way places we are fighting in right now. It's call the Marines they will show you and take you there.
My oldest daughter and her husband had to be informed there was a burn-ban in effect this weekend because they never keep up with the news. It didn't stop in High school.
A war on Massachusetts would be an excellent idea.
I'm still smarting from our loss to The Duchy of Grand Fenwick.
We just need to stay out of the Marxist war between Sylvania and Fredonia.
So, like, Grenada wasn't a bar in Cozumel? Come on.
Countries like Australia and Austria? Two true stories: (1) I've sent a letter to Austrialia that was routed by our Postal Service to Austria where the differece was detected and the letter forwarded; (2) I was buying postage to send a letter to Germany (Wiesbaden), and the Postal clerk asked me, "Germany? That's part of Berlin, isn't it?"
LOL!
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