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Posted on 01/01/2006 3:22:05 PM PST by Jim Robinson
Howdy everyone!
Happy New Year!!
2005 was a great year and we're looking forward to an even greater 2006! The Iraqis have held their elections and as democracy and freedom takes hold, it appears the terrorist violence has greatly subsided. We're hoping that the war in Iraq is just about over and that as the Iraqis take over responsibility for their own security, our troops can finally come home. God bless them all. We pray for peace in the Middle East.
On the home front, we see President Bush's numbers on the upswing and our confidence is growing regarding continuing conservative successes in the midterm elections this Fall. Judge Samuel Alito should be confirmed for the Supreme Court in the next few weeks and our hopes for a more conservative court will soon be realized.
September 23, 2006 will mark Free Republic's 10th year anniversary. It's hard to believe that 10 years have passed by so quickly. Time flies when you're having fun. We've been blessed with many successes on Free Republic over the years and are praying for continuing success in the future.
Thank you all very much for making Free Republic the very best conservative site on the web!! FReepers are the greatest!!
May God bless you all with peace and prosperity in the new year and much happiness in all the years to come.
LOL! That'd probably work well.....
Thanks...
(I see you're finally showing respect for your elders)
LOL! I won't.....hehe
VERY good! ;)
An older lady gets pulled over for speeding…
Older Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?
Officer: Ma’am, you were speeding.
Older Woman: Oh, I see.
Officer: Can I see your license please?
Older Woman: I’d give it to you but I don’t have one.
Officer: Don’t have one?
Older Woman: Lost it, 4 years ago for drunk driving.
Officer: I see…Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.
Older Woman: I can’t do that.
Officer: Why not?
Older Woman: I stole this car.
Officer: Stole it?
Older Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.
Officer: You what?
Older Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see.
The Officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.
Officer 2: Ma’am, could you step out of your vehicle please! The woman steps out of her vehicle.
Older woman: Is there a problem sir?
Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.
Older Woman: Murdered the owner?
Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please.
The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.
Officer 2: Is this your car, ma’am?
Older Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers. The officer is quite stunned.
Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license.
The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer.
The officer examines the license. He looks quite puzzled. Officer 2: Thank you ma’am, one of my officers told me you didn’t have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner.
Older Woman: Bet the liar told you I was speeding, too.
Don’t Mess With Old Ladies!
BBL
Thanks Virginia!
EXCELLENT!!!! YESSSSS!!! ;)
So? Eat your veggies already!
Q: What is the difference between a bleeding heart liberal and a puppy?
A: A puppy stops whining after it grows up.
Q: What do you get when you cross a pilgrim with a democrat?
A: A god-fearing tax collector who gives thanks for what other people have.
Q: What's the difference between a Democrat and a catfish?
A: One is an ugly, scum sucking bottom-feeder and the other is a fish.
Q: What's a conservative?
A: A liberal who made it through adolescence.
Vote Democrat... It's easier than getting a job.
Oh yeah!
So the robot proceeded to make conversation about physics, astronomy, investments, insurance, and so on. The man listened intently and said, "This is really cool."
Later, another gent came in for a haircut and the robot asked him as it began the haircut, "What's your IQ?" The man responded, "100."
So the robot started talking about football, baseball, and so on.
The man thought to himself, Wow, this is really cool."
Later on, a third guy came in to the barbershop. As with the others, the robot barber asked him, "What's your IQ?" The man replied, "70."
The robot then said, "So, I understand you Democrats are really excited about Hillary running for president?"
Artists' Brains $9/oz
Philosophers' Brains $12/oz
Scientists' Brains $15/oz
Republicans' Brains $19/oz
Democrats' Brains $2,000/oz
Upon reading the sign, the traveller noted, "My those Democrats' brains must be popular!" To which the butcher replied, "Are you kidding!
Do you have any idea how many Democrats you have to kill to get a ounce of brains?!"
LOL!!!! Don't like the Dems too much, I take it? :)
----- Senior's moment of wisdom-----
A 98 year old woman wrote this to her bank.
The bank manager thought it amusing enough to have it
published in the New York Times.
Dear Sir:
I am writing to thank you for bouncing my check with
which I endeavored to pay my plumber last month.
By my calculations, three 'nanoseconds' must have
elapsed between his presenting the check and the
arrival in my account of the funds needed to honor it.
I refer, of course, to the automatic monthly deposit
of my entire salary, an arrangement which, I admit,
has been in place for only eight years.
You are to be commended for seizing that brief window
of opportunity, and also for debiting my account $30
by way of penalty for the inconvenience caused to your
bank.
My thankfulness springs from the manner in which this
incident has caused me to rethink my errant financial
ways.
I noticed that whereas I personally attend to your
telephone calls and letters, when I try to contact
you, I am confronted by the impersonal, overcharging,
pre-recorded, faceless entity which your bank has
become.
From now on, I, like you, choose only to deal with a
flesh-and-blood person. My mortgage and loan payments
will therefore and hereafter no longer be automatic,
but will arrive at your bank by check, addressed
personally and confidentially to an employee at your
bank whom you must nominate.
Be aware that it is an offense under the Postal Act
for any other person to open such an envelope. Please
find attached an Application Contact Status which I
require your chosen employee to complete.
I am sorry it runs to eight pages, but in order that I
know as much about him or her as your bank knows about
me, there is no alternative.
Please note that all copies of his or her medical
history must be countersigned by a Notary Public, and
the mandatory details of his/her financial situation
(income, debts, assets and liabilities) must be
accompanied by documented proof.
In due course, I will issue your employee with a PIN
number which he/she must quote in dealings with me.
I regret that it cannot be shorter than 28 digits but,
again, I have modeled it on the number of button
presses required of me to access my account balance on
your phone bank service. As they say, imitation is
the sincerest form of flattery.
Let me level the playing field even further.
When you call me, press buttons as follows:
1-- To make an appointment to see me.
2-- To query a missing payment.
3-- To transfer the call to my living room in case I am there.
4-- To transfer the call to my bedroom in case I am sleeping.
5-- To transfer the call to my toilet in case I am attending to nature.
6-- To transfer the call to my mobile phone if I am not at home.
7-- To leave a message on my computer. (a password to
access my computer is required. A password will be
communicated to you at a later date to the Authorized
Contact.)
8-- To return to the main menu and to listen to
options 1 through 7.
9-- To make a general complaint or inquiry, the
contact will then be put on hold, pending the
attention of my automated answering service.
While this may, on occasion, involve a lengthy wait,
uplifting music will play for the duration of the call.
Regrettably, but again following your example, I must
also levy an establishment fee to cover the setting up
of this new arrangement.
May I wish you a happy, if ever so slightly less
prosperous, New Year.
Your Humble Client
(Remember: This was written by a 98 year old woman)
JUST GOTTA LOVE SENIORS!
THAT'S great!!!!
Age is an attitude!
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