Unfortunately, over time the term "Christian" came to mean more than simply a "follower of the Messiah." Many people today have a false dichotomy in their minds, that on the one hand, there are Jews and Judaism, and on the other hand there are Christians and Christianity, and supposedly you must choose between the two.
Accordingly, when a Jew accepts Yeshua he is thought to have "switched over" from the Jew-Judaism side to the Christian-Christianity side, and is therefore no longer regarded as a Jew, but a Christian.
For all intents and purposes the term "Christian" has become synonymous with "non-Jew" or "Gentile." We believe the opposite to be true. Nothing could be more Jewish than to follow Israel's Messiah! Consequently we choose to call ourselves "Messianic Jews" which identifies us as Jewish people who follow Messiah Yeshua.
Most Jews would disagree with you. The early history of Christianity – how a Jewish sect became a separate religion -- is important knowledge for all of us to have. But you have to know that Christianity is a daughter religion of Judaism, not the same religion, although many teachings are similar to Jewish teachings, but with different emphasis. These days, as many Christians are seeking to know more about Judaism, many Jews want a better understanding of Christianity, beyond the old antagonistic characterizations they may have been taught. Wise rabbis and Christian clery know this and teach this. The ones stuck in the old ways keep the distance. That may be what you reacted to and what sent you to become a so-called "Messianic Jew." I'd say that all the things attracting you to accept Jesus are things that were in Judaism all along -- you simply were not educated properly in your own faith and felt you had to go elsewhere to achieve things like grace, forgiveness, etc. -- the "mercy" side of God that lives alongside the "justice" side.
Frankly, I suspect that "Messianic Jews" are trying to have it both ways because being a Jew has been so hard in our society because you are always on the outside. There is that longing to be "in" and at best, you are deluding yourselves or at worst, you are being dishonest. Your post is what Messianic Jews are taught to help you resolve your own the ambivalence. It is spin created by the founders of "Messianic Judaism." The first Christians were Jews but also came in from great numbers of Roman pagans. The pagans did not become Jews. They became Christians. While Jesus spread the teachings of his own people -- the way God meant them to be in the Torah, not what they had become under the corrupt politicians -- Christians made him a deity. Jews will not do this, as you well know. When you try to convince other people, it seems like you are trying to convince yourselves.
I think it's sad. You're in a no-man's land when you don't need to be if you just say you are Christians. It seems like your whole philosophy is an attempt to stop your parents sitting shiva.