Headlines From the Year 2029

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[conservative physics]

what's really scary is that some of those things could actually happen.

[Erik Latranyi]

Canada's liberal party instituted forced euthenasia of its citizens over 45 years old in an effort to reduce healthcare costs. Liberal MP Mao Tsung was quoted as saying "We all know that the usefulness of those over age 45 diminished quickly with each passing year."

[nevergore]

Note to self: Do not travel to Canada in the year 2029.....

[Fierce Allegiance]

E-mail ping.

[Drammach]

Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.

Chelsea: " I don't want to ever see anything that even remotely resembles a cigar as long as I live.. I'm sure you can understand why.. "

[marine86297]

"Can the Chicago Cubs finally win it it all this season"

[GregoTX]

"Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals violates their civil rights."

I would not suprised if the 9th Circus Court of Appeals says that in 2006.

[NearlyNormal]

The last remaining member of the obsolete US Democratic Party passes away in Republican stronghold of Ithaca, NY. Having aborted itself into oblivion, the once formidable liberal force finds itself relegated to a mere "skid mark" in the underwear of history. Witnesses say they heard, in the last whisper of the victim's death rattle, the words "it's Bush's fault ..."

[verity]

[Nathan Zachary]

Forgot one.

"Global cooling threatens to clog Panama canal with heavy ice.
President hounded to sign Otoyk accord."

[Porterville]

Mexifornia.... I get insulted by this.... White Anglo communist are destroying this country and you blame Hispanics..... Anglo puftas in San Francisco with power, and you blame Hispanics 88% here legally, Catholic, hardworking; a lot more than I can say for the white communist Godless heathens in the democrat party. Probably your race no doubt?

[verity]

[Fish Speaker]

Florida voters still having trouble with voting machines.

My vote for the one most likely to be valid...

[Porterville]

I know, it is hard having the predominance of liberal nut job abortionist in your race... it must be tough.

[verity]

Were you born w/o a sense of humor or is it something you recently developed?

[Porterville]

Good, my point is made. Done.

[verity]

[F.J. Mitchell]

Obits:Extremely long time Freeper, F.J. Mitchell, dead at 97, while on honeymoon with his 18 year old elf with cleavage, bride of one night. Undertaker gives up on effort to reduce ear to ear grin on his face to a respectable, dignified smile.

[Liberty Valance]

In the immortal words of Zager & Evans...

---

In the year 2525
If man is still alive
If woman can survive
They may find........

In the year 3535
Ain't gonna need to tell the truth, tell no lies
Everything you think, do, or say
Is in the pill you took today

In the year 4545
Ain't gonna need your teeth, won't need your eyes
You won't find a thing to chew
Nobody's gonna look at you

In the year 5555
Your arms are hanging limp at your sides
Your legs got nothing to do
Some machine, doing that for you

In the year 6565
Ain't gonna need no husband, won't need no wife
You'll pick your son, pick your daughter too
From the bottom of a long glass tube

In the year 7510
If God's a comin' he ought to make it by then
Maybe he'll look around himself and say
``Guess it's time for the Judgement day''

In the year 8510
God's gonna shake his mighty head
He'll either say ``I'm pleased where man has been''
Or tear it down and start again

In the year 9595
I'm kinda wondering if man's gonna be alive
He's taken everything this old earth can give
And he ain't put back nothing...

Now it's been 10,000 years
Man has cried a billion tears
For what he never knew
Now man's reign is through
But through the eternal night
The twinkling of starlight
So very far away
Maybe it's only yesterday...

In the year 2525
If man is still alive
If woman can survive
They may find.......

---

Merry Christmas!

*<[;o)))~