It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like ... Something Else (A Christmas quiz)

Universal Press Syndicate ^ | December 11, 2005 | John Leo

[RWR8189]

A Christmas quiz:

The "winter program" at Ridgeway Elementary School in Dodgeville, Wis., changed the lyrics of the Christmas carol "Silent Night" to the more inclusive "Cold in the Night." ("Cold in the night, no one in sight, winter winds whirl and bite.") After this success, the program's next step will obviously be:

(a) Changing "O Holy Night" to "Uh-oh! Wholly night!" a song about a lunar eclipse.

(b) Singing "O Little Town of Bethlehem, Pennsylvania."

(c) A song celebrating the comeback of the American auto industry, "Mine eyes have seen the glory of the coming of the Ford."

(d) A ditty about hoping for snow at the Panama Canal, "I'm dreaming of a white isthmus."

The modern name for Christmas trees is now:

(a) Giving trees

(b) Trees of color

(c) Seasonal conifers

(d) Inclusion bushes

(e) Tall lit-up flora

(f) Those pointy green things with needles and lights

Some schools have ruled that red and green cookies cannot be brought into class in December because the color combination strongly suggests the divisive sectarian feast day of Christmas. Therefore:

(a) Red cookies may be brought to school. Green ones too. But, please, not on the same day.

(b) A fruit bowl containing just pears and cherries is a serious constitutional matter and should be reported immediately to the ACLU, care of the Christmas erasure desk.

(c) In December, the San Francisco 49ers may not be shown playing the New York Jets, except on black-and-white TV sets.

(d) All traffic lights must be turned off until Jan. 1.

The three wise men in the Nativity scene are objectionable because:

(a) They fail the multicultural test. Though one is black, neither of the other two is a disabled lesbian, wiccan or vegan.

(b) "Wise Men" should be "Persons of Wisdom."

(c) Describing the first people to come to see Jesus as "wise" implies that idiots can't become Christians, which experience tells us is just not so.

Christians believe Jesus came down to Earth and made himself human in order to encourage:

(a) Consumer confidence

(b) Season's greetings

(c) A festive period between bowl games

(d) His birth scene to be surrounded by plastic reindeer, elves and court-pleasing woodland creatures

(e) Frenzied end-of-year gift giving

(f) Religious songs that are easily converted into weather songs in Wisconsin

(g) The ACLU Christmas-erasure desk

It's beginning to look a lot like:

(a) Christmas

(b) Hanukkah

(c) Kwanzaa

(d) Indianapolis is a lock to win the Super Bowl

Before backing down and permitting a full Nativity scene, a public library in Memphis agreed to allow the scene, but only if the baby Jesus, Joseph, Mary and the wise men were removed. This left a shepherd boy and some farm animals. Next year the library will accept a Nativity scene only if it consists of:

(a) A shepherd boy and some chickens

(b) A shepherd boy and some ferrets

(c) A shepherd boy explaining that the head librarian in Memphis thinks with a brain that may or may not be the result of Intelligent Design.

Copyright 2005 John Leo

Distributed by Universal Press Syndicate

[BenLurkin]

Sad and funny at the same time.

(How about them Colts?)

[FlingWingFlyer]

Ridgeway Elementary School in Dodgeville, Wis., changed the lyrics of the Christmas carol "Silent Night" to the more inclusive "Cold in the Night."

What I can't figure out is why these boneheads used the melody to Silent Night. Wouldn't the melodies to Kumbuyah or Where Da Hood At have been more appropriate for this kind of Commie BS?

[Tired of Taxes]

Very funny post.

I actually disagree with mostly everyone here about things like Walmart using the word "Holiday" (they're just trying to sell to all of their customers).

But changing the words of "Silent Night" to "Cold in the Night" is taking things too, too far... lol. It's just so ridiculous.

[supercat]

The modern name for Christmas trees is now:

I'm surprised nobody came up with a pretext for using German: das Tannenbaum.

[Terri]

  It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like ...

              Terri Christmas!

          ~ Merry Jesus Christmas ~

                ...the reason for the season!

[Non-Sequitur]

But changing the words of "Silent Night" to "Cold in the Night" is taking things too, too far... lol. It's just so ridiculous.

I suppose I can live with things like this because they just used the melody, they didn't change the lyrics and still call it "Silent Night". I was listening to some jerk singing "Winter Wonderland" the other day and where the lyrics I learned ran "In the meadow we will build a snowman...and pretend that he is Parson Brown" they had been changed to "In the meadow we will build a snowman...and pretend that he's a circus clown." Now how insanely PC is that? Change a line just because it refers to a clergyman? I've heard versions of "Little Drummer Boy" changed to remove references to Baby Jesus and replacing them with "little baby." To my way of thinking changing the lyrics and retaining the name is a whole lot more offensive than reusing the melody for a different song.

[Tired of Taxes]

had been changed to "In the meadow we will build a snowman...and pretend that he's a circus clown." Now how insanely PC is that?

LOL... That's really bad. Furthermore, it makes no sense... lol.