It hides the valve stem.
*Merry Christmas!*
Posted on 12/03/2005 4:25:14 PM PST by SmithL
Merry Christmas!
Karen, What numbers do I use to make Merry Christmas red?
Gotta get this straightened out for the holidays.
Are they saying the treatment for Californian supervisors is effective only for about two years?
They must be hornier than Texans!
Weirdos!
It's called a Jack.
A blind man walks into a bar and says, "Do you want to hear a great blonde joke?"
The bartender says, "We don't want any blonde jokes here. There's a blonde biker in the corner, he's six feet tall and weighs about 250 pounds. There's another blonde biker sitting next to you, and he's six feet six and weighs 300 pounds. And I'm blonde, too."
"Oh, O.K.," says the blind man. "I won't tell my joke. I wouldn't want to have to explain it three times."
Nam Vet
The blue is okay too. ! Same message.
After borrowing airfare from his mother, Pantloads took a trip to Milan to protest the World Bank during the G-8 summit. About an hour after his flight was in the air, Pantloads scurried into the first class section and sat in one of the plush seats even though he had only purchased a coach ticket.
“Excuse me, sir,” said the flight attendant, “this section is reserved for first-class passengers only.”
“Screw you,” replied Pantloads, “I’m tired of all the rich capitalist pigs taking the first-class seats while the little guy has to settle for coach! I claim this seat in the name of social justice, and I’m gonna’ sit here and drink free liquor ‘till I vomit.”
Exasperated, the flight attendant walked into the cockpit to tell the captain of her newfound problem. As the captain was about to radio ahead to the Milan airport to have security arrest Pantloads upon landing, the co-pilot perked up “Don’t bother, Jeff, I’ll take care of this. My worthless brother-in-law is a socialist and I know how to deal with this form of mental disorder.”
The co-pilot unbuckled himself, made his way back to first-class and had a short discussion with Pantloads. Pantloads listened attentively, smacked his head with his hands while shaking his head, then hastily scurried back to the coach section.
After returning to the cockpit, the flight attendant said “Roger, that was amazing. What did you say to him?”
“I told him first-class wasn’t going to Milan.”
***********************
As part of his court-ordered community service, Pantloads had taken a job at a local horse stable performing menial task, such as mucking the stalls, grooming the horses, removing bot-fly eggs and so on. Things went very smoothly once the horses got used to the smell.
Then one day the stable foreman yelled, “Pantloads, get your lazy-ass in here and help me de-worm the horses.” As Pantloads walked into the first stall with the foreman, the foreman took a bottle of large pills and a two-foot length of plastic tubing up to the horse. He then stuck one end of the tube up the horses behind, put a pill in the other end, took a deep breath and blew the pill up the horse’s rectum.
“Here, you do the next one,” said the foreman. “Each horse gets two pills.”
Pantloads walked up to the horse, pulled the tube from the horse’s behind, reversed the tube and stuck the other end into the horse. He then placed a pill into the tube and just before he blew the pill into the horse’s rectum the foreman yelled in shocked disbelief, “Pantloads, what in God’s name are you doing?”
“Well, you don’t expect me to put my lips where you had yours, do you?”
********************
A young ventriloquist was touring the clubs and bars in San Francisco. He was going through his usual run of stupid socialists jokes when Pantloads, who was sitting in the fourth row, stood on his chair and said "I've heard just about enough of your denigrating socialist jokes, buddy. What makes you think you can stereotype me that way? What does a person's politics have to do with their worth as a human being? It's guys like you who keep people like me from being respected at our menial jobs and in our community ... all in the name of humor."
Flustered, the ventriloquist began to apologize, when Pantloads piped up, "You stay out of this mister. I'm talking to that little jerk on your knee."
It hides the valve stem.
*Merry Christmas!*
Red has a number?
Uh oh....I already spelled "where" when it was supposed to be "wear."
I feel my blonde roots sprouting....
Here's one...
A contestant on "Who Wants to be a Millionaire?" had reached the final plateau. If she answered the next question correctly, she would win $1,000,000. If she answered incorrectly, she would pocket only the $32,000 milestone money.
And as she suspected it would be, the million-dollar question was no pushover. It was, "Which of the following species of
birds does not build its own nest, but instead lays its eggs in the nests of other birds? Is it:
A) the condor;
B) the buzzard;
C) the cuckoo; or
D) the vulture?"
The woman was on the spot. She did not know the answer. And she was doubly on the spot because she had used up her 50/50
Lifeline and her Audience Poll Lifeline. All that remained was her Phone-a-Friend Lifeline, and the woman had hoped
against hope that she would not have to use it, mainly because the only friend that she knew would be home happened to be
a blonde. But the contestant had no alternative. She called her friend and gave her the question and the four choices.
The blonde responded unhesitatingly: "That's easy. The answer is C: The cuckoo."
The contestant had to make a decision and make it fast. She considered employing a reverse strategy and giving any answer
except the one that her friend had given her. And considering that her friend was a blonde, that would seem to be the
logical thing to do. On the other hand, the blonde had responded with such confidence, such certitude, that the
contestant could not help but be persuaded.
"I need an answer," said the host.
Crossing her fingers, the contestant said, "C: The cuckoo."
"Is that your final answer?" asked the host.
"Yes, that is my final answer." replied the contestant.
Thirty seconds later, Eddie said, "I regret to inform you, but that answer is... absolutely correct. You are now a
millionaire!"
Three days later, the contestant hosted a party for her family and friends -- including the blonde who had helped her win
the million dollars. "Jenny, I just do not know how to thank you," said the contestant. "Because of your knowing the
answer to that final question, I am now a millionaire. And do you want to know something? It was the assuredness with
which you answered the question that convinced me to go with your choice. By the way, how did you happen to know the
right answer?"
"Oh, come on," said the blonde. "Everybody knows that cuckoos don't build nests. They live in clocks."
p.s.---We liked it! (I'm a "she")
And so did I! (I'm a "he")
When I type in font color =# 3333CCC I get Blue!
What code do I use for red? Do you know?
Or are you just taking me for a blonde?
You do not have to use numbers. They are hard to remember. Use the name of the color instead:
< font color="red" >
[eliminate the spaces to have the brackets right against the text]
Merry Christmas!
Artificial intelligence! Bahdum-PAH!
I'll be here all week - and try the veal!
Man, I don't even partake of innocent innuendo at the office. Even if the girl is obviously hitting on me.
Don't need the drama.
The trouble with blonde jokes is that blondes don't think they're funny, and no one else thinks they're jokes!
It involved a white woman and an african american male.
And also dealt with affirmative action, sterotypes, whatever.
It would up polarizing the class in half.
Teacher had a good line, where there is controversy and emotion, there is a lawyer waiting to make money.
Be careful.
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