Dinner With an Anti-Hunter

MensNewsDaily.com ^ | Nov. 15, 2005 | Humberto Fontova

[steveo]

So is he going to make some jerky?

[ApplegateRanch]

I’d just hung the deer by its neck on the swing set for skinning and butchering when..... "Oh Hum-BERTO! Puh-LEAZE!”

I look over and it’s our new neighbor Freddie, wailing from his patio door, his face a mask of horror and disgust. "Humberto! How COULD YOU? Why that’s AWFUL!”

I have to agree with Freddie. It IS horrible and disgusting to hang a deer by the neck like that.

Pierce the hind legs below the knee, and between the bone and heavy tendon; insert gambrel hooks, and hang head down to properly bleed. If you don't have gambel hooks, insert something along the lines of a 3 or 4' piece of closet rod, and tie the legs spread apart.

Slit skin on inside of rear legs; peel skin off toward neck, like peeling a banana.

[elcid1970]

UNBELIEVABLE L-0-L!!!!!!

[TheGunny]

I LOVED THAT!!!!!

[Fred Hayek]

Vegans also have serious vitamin deficiencies, especially IIRC B12, which are directly related to brain function. Such deficiencies have symptoms similar to early onset senility.

[Finny]

Yes, that makes sense. Those deficiencies also make vegans, in my personal experience, rather aggressive and militant. I'm serious. At one point in my work, dealing with people in long conversations over the phone for interviews, I got so I could pretty well nail the vegans because of their veiled aggressiveness. Makes sense ... dairy bulls and hippopatami are both very aggressive and deadly and kill many people every year, more than lions and tigers and other carnivores. Also ... Hitler was a vegetarian. Not sure if he was a vegan, but it is common historical knowledge that he was a vegetarian. What a peace loving guy HE was ... NOT! Definite brain imbalance there!

[airborne]

What a wonderful story!

I want more!

[Freebird Forever]

Hence pregnant vegan women are debilitated and weak during their pregnancies, and their babies are often underweight.

Sounds like practicing veganism during pregnancy could be considered child abuse.

All we need to create some serious mischief are a few peer reviewed studies and someone to introduce the legislation.

; )

[Finny]

Sounds like practicing veganism during pregnancy could be considered child abuse.

Hey, don't get me started (ooops ... too late! ;^) You say it tongue in cheek, but as far as I'm concerned, it IS child abuse. I had a friend (we've not surprisingly grown apart over the years) who insisted on remaining a vegan while pregnant; her doctor dumped her and said he wouldn't be responsible. Found a new doc who said she'd have to add hydrogenated vegetable protein to her diet (horrible faux-meat chips that chew like old shoe leather and taste worse). She was weak and drained her entire pregnancy, and the baby was born very small and at a year old, was STILL not doing things other one-year-olds do, like holding eye contact, making facial recognition, pointing, laughing, seeking independence ... instead, this baby clung to her like a little monkey, and his eyes had the dullness of an infant's eyes.

I thought the kid was possibly retarded, but after a few years it was plain he was normal in intelligence, but physically he was very, very small, and prone to allergies. THEN, as he got older, his stupid vegan (but I repeat myself) mother, whose doctor had said that the baby MUST break the vegan diet and have dairy and eggs while very young, started cutting out the dairy and eggs and made his diet more and more strictly vegan. The last time I saw the kid he was maybe six or seven, and -- as ALWAYS, every time I ever saw him -- he had dark gray circles under his eyes.

Yes, it is child abuse, plain and simple, of the worst kind -- imposing your own adolescent political agenda on an innocent child. Make no mistake, veganism is a political agenda.

[girlangler]

airborne,

Here's some reviews on some of his books.

girlangler


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2 of 2 people found the following review helpful:

Rousing tales of danger and wild pig encounters , September 8, 2004
Reviewer: Midwest Book Review (Oregon, WI USA) - See all my reviews
Take a hunting and fishing adventure story, set it in the wetlands of the Mississippi River mouth, and add two middle-age participants with a passion for hell-raising adventure and an ounce of sense and you have The Hellpig Hunt, a rowdy hunting trip into Louisiana territory which will have even the most seasoned hunter on the edge of his seat. Rousing tales of danger and wild pig encounters are anything but boaring and come from a maniacal hunter, fisherman, and author alike.


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8 of 11 people found the following review helpful:

Hellacious, December 17, 2003
Reviewer: Steve Sailer (Chicago) - See all my reviews

For anybody on your Christmas list who thinks golf is for wussies too housebroken to engage in bloodsport, there's Humberto Fontova's very funny The Hellpig Hunt: A Hunting Adventure in the Wild Wetlands at the Mouth of the Mississippi River by Middle-Aged Lunatics Who Refuse to Grow Up.
In case that title's insufficiently descriptive, here's Humberto's previous book's title: The Helldivers' Rodeo : A Deadly, Extreme, Scuba-Diving, Spear Fishing Adventure Amid the Offshore Oil-Platforms in the Murky Waters off the Gulf of Mexico. The Hellpig Hunt resembles what you'd get if Hunter S. Thompson went hunting with Bluto and the rest of the gang from Animal House. Plus, Humberto tosses in philosophical asides on the predatory nature of the human male from Camille Paglia, Edward O. Wilson, and the head philosopher of hunting, Jose Ortega Y Gasset of "Revolt of the Masses" fame.

A couple of years ago I tried to explain to Humberto the appeal of golf to guys like me: "You see, it's a like a suburbanized form of hunting. It's a battle against nature played out in an ideal landscape for hunting." My little dissertation appears to have been refracted back through Humberto's twisted brain on p. 138 of his tome:

"'Then why don't more men hunt?' you ask.

"'Lack of opportunity,' I answer. "They turn to golf for the same reason men turn to sodomy in prisons.'"

Gee, Humberto, thanks for phrasing my idea like that.

[airborne]

I'm gonna have to hit the book store.

I like this guys style.

[RedMonqey]

"Sounds like practicing veganism during pregnancy could be considered child abuse."



Second that on vegans and vegetarians. Had an idiot cousin, flower child of the sixties try and raise her children on a very strict low calorie diet(she herself was rail thin to begin with, self conscious body issues)

Her children were low weight preemies and one developed epilepsy. They always had a pale grey look about them

When we babysit her children we we shocked to see how they munched on PLAIN Ritz crackers as if they were oreos.

Needless to say we began to feed them hamburgers and fries and steaks and everything "Verboten" by mom whether they spent the night.

Eventually she gave up HER diet which her mother saw what was happening and shamed her into feeding her kids.


I shuddered to think had we not babysitted for her, how much worse off her children would have been.

[Diana in Wisconsin]

LOL! Good timing. I just sent DH over to a friend's with the 50 lbs. of venison I trimmed off the other day to be made into burger tonight. The rest was rump roasts and tenderloins (which we would never think of sharing with the likes of a "Freddie") and steaks and some sliced thin for jerky. The fat was boiled down for suet cakes for the birds this winter, the bones and entrails go back out into the woods for the coyotes. Waste not, want not!

I'll be eating a fresh venison burger with fried onions and mushrooms within the hour. *SLURP*

I'm sure we'll have another one by the weekend, as the regular hunting season opens at daybreak on Saturday morning. I can't wait for the lakes to freeze so I can catch me a mess o' Yellow Perch, too! Oh, the Humanity, LOL!

[Billthedrill]

The hell she wouldn’t, Fred!” I raved. "She knows her claws and fangs weren’t made for that mush you give her in a bowl. She craves fresh blood. She longs to feel her fangs sink into a squirrels throat, to hear the piteous squealing as he scratches and thrashes, to feel the life slowly ooze out of it—then to rip straight into it’s heart and liver, smacking her lips, and licking her bloody chops in delight.... and that’s exactly what she did, Freddie. I saw the whole thing. Geezuz, and I used to hate cats.”

I think I may need some heart pills. ROTFLMAO!!

[Piscator]

Amen, my brother! That's the way I was taught to skin a deer!

[Grizzled Bear]

Try here!

http://www.lewrockwell.com/fontova/fontova-arch.html

[airborne]

COOL! Thank you so much!

I love FreeRepublic!

[Grizzled Bear]

No problem. I have his Castro book but I haven't read it yet.

[BobS]

"Stalk the fields and forests, not public toilets!” "

You know, I am going to put THAT ONE in memory for future use. We supposedly have a few terabytes of memory we are too lazy to use. Some things should float to the top.

[girlangler]

Like good buttermilk, the cream should rise to the top.

This writer is just too good, funny.

I want to read everything this guy writes. He's good aint he? Did you see the post above where a freeper posted some articles of his?